Reposted for all of my O'town Goth friends.
Repost of a repost but with my own snarky comments added:)
Goth Club Promotion Poster Decoder
In case you've ever wondered what some of the terms and phrases on Club flyers really mean...
"All ages"
As if telling someone's age in zombie inspired make up and near dark conditions weren't difficult enough already
Mike: Show starts at 6pm and is over by 10pm, which is about the time I wake up.
"All night long"
or until 2 a.m. when the city's bar closing ordinance kicks in, which ever comes first
Mike: Or when ever the dj throws a fit and storms out!
"Blisspop"
we made up this genre just to see if you were paying attention to our flyer
Mike:?
"Costume Contest"
be prepared to hear at least three different DJs spin "Everyday is Halloween" and claim they didn't hear it when the other DJs played it
Mike: This night is for all of the Hot Topic kids to show off their latest purchases.
"Dark Alternative"
we have no idea what to call half the songs we're going to play tonight
Mike: If referring to the current trend known as Emo, or as I call it Elmo because it's fans were still watching Elmo two weeks ago.
"Dark/Fetish attire encouraged"
if you pretend to be a goth, we'll pretend to play goth music
Mike: Let's show off the latest BDSM gear from Hot Topic. When a real BDSM party breaks out, they run screaming! My favorite ? to ask them is, "Is that dog collar suspension grade?"
"Darkwave"
we think this is somehow related to goth
Mike: My second favorite style of music. It is the original emotional rock without the annoying groupies. A fine example, The Cure.
"Deathrock" (when placed last on the list of music genres)
we'll play that song by the Virgin Prunes, but you have to listen to 3 hrs. of VNV Nation before we get to it
Mike: Sad but true.
"Deathrock" (when placed first on the list of music genres)
we'll play two Rozz era Christian Death songs in a row at some point during the evening
Mike: Again, sad but true.
"Deathrock/Psychobilly/Horror Punk"
we hope you like songs about zombies, dead girlfriends and spooky things in the woods enough to listen to 4 hours of them
Mike: For some reason this type of music gives me The Cramps:)
"Deathrock/Punk/Old School Goth"
we firmly believe the only music worth listening to was recorded between 1977 and 1983
Mike: I personally believe that all of the good music stopped being recorded around 1989.
"Deathrock/EBM"
never draw up a flyer when you're high on crack
Mike: Friends don't let friends listen to EBM.
"Deathrock/Metal"
never draw up a flyer when you've doing crystal meth for 5 days straight either
Mike: Trailer trash, Hot Topic shopping, mall rats!
"Dress code is black"
the people who come here don't know enough about Goth to know what to wear so we have to remind them
Mike: In Florida it should say "NO FUCKING FLIP FLOPS YOU LAZY BASTARDS!"
"Dress to impress"
the court order regarding cameras in the Club was lifted after the lawsuit was settled out of court
Mike: This is usually found at Hip Hop or the See and be seen clubs that play bad techno for the Paris Hilton wannabes. Sorry but this isn't New York city folks.
"EBM"
like techno, but with less musical ability and more glow sticks.
Mike: What I call Neutered Rammstein (cut of their balls by taking away their guitars) or Gothic Rave.
"80's"
we hope you like "Karma Chameleon" a lot because we have 13 different versions of it
Mike: My favorite type of music. Yes I am old and can remember when they played music videos on MTv.
"Electro"
*beep* music
Mike: R2's favorite type. C3P0 concurs.
"Enjoy our drink specials"
our landlord turned off the air conditioning so it gets really hot in here
Mike: We can't pay our vendors so we are now shopping at Albertsons.
"Ethereal"
we own the entire Cocteau Twins back catalog
Mike: Don't forget to throw in some This Mortal Coil and Dead Can Dance.
"Experimental"
Synth-punk performed by people don't know how to play an instrument, but it sounds classier if we call it "Experimental"
Mike: Amen to that!
"Fetish wear encouraged"
lots of *oontz oontz* music, latex club wear, and a some guy running around with a whip
Mike: Where's the after party?
"$5 cover before 10 p.m."
the cops never show up to raid the place before 11 p.m.
Mike: I paid to get in and you don't even offer drink specials. WTF?!?
"Free give aways"
we still have lots of "Saw II" and "the Hills Have Eyes" posters left from last year's give away
Mike: BTDT and got the t-shirt.
"Full Bar"
our bar is twice as big as the dance floor
Mike: Usually held on an off night at a sports bar complete with pool tables and electronic dart boards.
"Futurepop"
music not good enough to be classified as "EBM"
Mike: Sounds like a bad Madonna dance remix. As if there are any good ones!
"Glam"
in case you thought deathhawks, ripped t-shirts and torn fishnets were too modest of a fashion statement
Mike: David Bowie and Iggy Pop shirts on sale at Hot Topic this week!
"Go Go Girls"
our music will sound better if you're staring at a half naked chick
Mike: Damn nipple tape!
"Goth"
our DJ knows who Peter Murphy is
Mike: Our DJ blew Peter Murphy.
"Gothic Industrial"
lots of *oontz oontz* music, latex club wear, and some girl with big, poofy pigtails running around with a couple of glow sticks
Mike: Please play something other then Head Hunter by Front 242.
"Harsh EBM"
when regular EBM isn't awful enough
Mike: Amen!
"Impressive selection of beer"
just in case anyone ever comes to a Goth club to be impressed by the beer, we've got you covered
Mike: We can't afford a liquor license therefore we serve the finest horse piss in town.
"Industrial Decadence"
overweight EBM chicks in midriff baring fetishwear
Mike: Sad but true.
"Just off the freeway"
we're located next to the abandoned medical waste disposal plant in a section of town not patrolled by police
Mike: Fond memories of Ybor City back in the day.
"Legendary"
selling my soul for a steady club night 23 yrs. ago seemed like such a good idea at the time...
Mike: R.I.P. The Edge and Visage in Orlando.
"Live Bands"
real musicians aren't embarrassed to be seen in our club with our patrons
Mike: Wannabes or has beens currently on tour.
"Mash Ups"
someone got a Mac with Garage Band for their birthday, but can't figure out how to use it
Mike:?
"New Romantic"
Adam Ant, Duran Duran and, ahhh, ummm, errr.... more Adam Ant and Duran Duran
Mike: Duran Duran HAS more then one song Mr. Dj!
"Neofolk"
Der Furher's music, unplugged
Mike: Seek Help!
"No Cover Charge"
our venue is a classic dive bar with a decent sound system
Mike: Reminds me of the late Club Z in Orlando.
"Nu Wave"
I'm 2 lazy to spel check my flyerz be4 I hand them oot
Mike: Another fine example of the State of Florida Education system.
"Old School Punk"
we specialize in mohawks and mosh pits
Mike: Quick, there's a sale on PIL t-shirts at Hot Topic this month.
"Old School" (genre unspecified)
we bought a crate of vinyl at a garage sale
Mike: God I miss the hissing, pops, and scratches!
"Our DJ brings you the best in..."
our DJ will spin whatever his girlfriend left him after they split up
Mike: That or he lost his internet connection.
"Old School Goth"
our DJ's roommate went to school with Peter Murphy
Mike: And he also blew Peter Murphy.
"Plenty of available parking"
the neighborhood is so bad that no one is else is willing to park on the streets here
Mike: Again, flash backs of Ybor City.
"Powernoise"
we play music so obnoxious that even the rivetheads will complain
Mike: Kraftwerks comes to mind.
"REAL Alternative"
our DJ interned at KROQ
Mike: Playing the latest shite on the radio.
"Remixes"
someone got a Mac with Garage Band for their birthday and figured out how to use it
Mike: Should all be burned with the exception of the All Mixed Up album by the Cure.
"Remodeled"
they painted the walls after they were closed down for health code violations
Mike: Again reminding me of The Edge in Orlando.
"Request Night"
we got off work late and didn't have time to come up with a proper setlist
Mike: Can you play some Britney Spears or Pink?
"Retro"
Our DJ found a bunch of 80's comps at a second hand store and most of them aren't too badly scratched
Mike: Or they borrow my cd collection.
"Smoking Patio"
forget about sneaking in through the back exit
Mike: Some day Florida will get on the ball and ban smoking in clubs.
"Two dance rooms"
our Gothic Industrial club plays both kinds of music, gothic and industrial
Mike: Reminds me of The Parthenon in Tampa.
"Underground"
our DJ really likes She Wants Revenge
Mike: Wasn't that a club in Atlanta?
"Indie"
Our DJ eventually got burned out on She Wants Revenge and is now on an Interpol kick
Mike: What's played on college radio should stay on college radio!
"Vampire" or "Vampiric"
douchebag or douchebagic
Mike: They both suck:)
"Vendors"
we have a girl selling bat-themed jewelry and spiderweb necklaces at a table next to the dance floor
Mike: Another flash back to The Edge in Orlando.
"VIP Lounge"
in case the people on the dance floor weren't pretentious enough for you
Mike: OMG is that Paris?!?
"We spin vinyl"
our DJs are damn good!
Mike: All hail the hiss, crackle and pop!
"With a little booty hip hop to mix it up"
no matter how drunk you get, you're going to regret coming here for years to come
Mike: You forgot to play The Electric Slide and show us how to do it.
"WiFi"
because the only thing geekier than dancing at a Goth club is surfing the web at a Goth club
Mike: Reminds me of the heady days of IBar and Bone Daddy Bruce.
This is a repost from friend of mine up here in Tally.
Goth Club Promotion Poster Decoder
In case you've ever wondered what some of the terms and phrases on Club flyers really mean...
"All ages"
As if telling someone's age in zombie inspired make up and near dark conditions weren't difficult enough already
Mike: Show starts at 6pm and is over by 10pm, which is about the time I wake up.
"All night long"
or until 2 a.m. when the city's bar closing ordinance kicks in, which ever comes first
Mike: Or when ever the dj throws a fit and storms out!
"Blisspop"
we made up this genre just to see if you were paying attention to our flyer
Mike:?
"Costume Contest"
be prepared to hear at least three different DJs spin "Everyday is Halloween" and claim they didn't hear it when the other DJs played it
Mike: This night is for all of the Hot Topic kids to show off their latest purchases.
"Dark Alternative"
we have no idea what to call half the songs we're going to play tonight
Mike: If referring to the current trend known as Emo, or as I call it Elmo because it's fans were still watching Elmo two weeks ago.
"Dark/Fetish attire encouraged"
if you pretend to be a goth, we'll pretend to play goth music
Mike: Let's show off the latest BDSM gear from Hot Topic. When a real BDSM party breaks out, they run screaming! My favorite ? to ask them is, "Is that dog collar suspension grade?"
"Darkwave"
we think this is somehow related to goth
Mike: My second favorite style of music. It is the original emotional rock without the annoying groupies. A fine example, The Cure.
"Deathrock" (when placed last on the list of music genres)
we'll play that song by the Virgin Prunes, but you have to listen to 3 hrs. of VNV Nation before we get to it
Mike: Sad but true.
"Deathrock" (when placed first on the list of music genres)
we'll play two Rozz era Christian Death songs in a row at some point during the evening
Mike: Again, sad but true.
"Deathrock/Psychobilly/Horror Punk"
we hope you like songs about zombies, dead girlfriends and spooky things in the woods enough to listen to 4 hours of them
Mike: For some reason this type of music gives me The Cramps:)
"Deathrock/Punk/Old School Goth"
we firmly believe the only music worth listening to was recorded between 1977 and 1983
Mike: I personally believe that all of the good music stopped being recorded around 1989.
"Deathrock/EBM"
never draw up a flyer when you're high on crack
Mike: Friends don't let friends listen to EBM.
"Deathrock/Metal"
never draw up a flyer when you've doing crystal meth for 5 days straight either
Mike: Trailer trash, Hot Topic shopping, mall rats!
"Dress code is black"
the people who come here don't know enough about Goth to know what to wear so we have to remind them
Mike: In Florida it should say "NO FUCKING FLIP FLOPS YOU LAZY BASTARDS!"
"Dress to impress"
the court order regarding cameras in the Club was lifted after the lawsuit was settled out of court
Mike: This is usually found at Hip Hop or the See and be seen clubs that play bad techno for the Paris Hilton wannabes. Sorry but this isn't New York city folks.
"EBM"
like techno, but with less musical ability and more glow sticks.
Mike: What I call Neutered Rammstein (cut of their balls by taking away their guitars) or Gothic Rave.
"80's"
we hope you like "Karma Chameleon" a lot because we have 13 different versions of it
Mike: My favorite type of music. Yes I am old and can remember when they played music videos on MTv.
"Electro"
*beep* music
Mike: R2's favorite type. C3P0 concurs.
"Enjoy our drink specials"
our landlord turned off the air conditioning so it gets really hot in here
Mike: We can't pay our vendors so we are now shopping at Albertsons.
"Ethereal"
we own the entire Cocteau Twins back catalog
Mike: Don't forget to throw in some This Mortal Coil and Dead Can Dance.
"Experimental"
Synth-punk performed by people don't know how to play an instrument, but it sounds classier if we call it "Experimental"
Mike: Amen to that!
"Fetish wear encouraged"
lots of *oontz oontz* music, latex club wear, and a some guy running around with a whip
Mike: Where's the after party?
"$5 cover before 10 p.m."
the cops never show up to raid the place before 11 p.m.
Mike: I paid to get in and you don't even offer drink specials. WTF?!?
"Free give aways"
we still have lots of "Saw II" and "the Hills Have Eyes" posters left from last year's give away
Mike: BTDT and got the t-shirt.
"Full Bar"
our bar is twice as big as the dance floor
Mike: Usually held on an off night at a sports bar complete with pool tables and electronic dart boards.
"Futurepop"
music not good enough to be classified as "EBM"
Mike: Sounds like a bad Madonna dance remix. As if there are any good ones!
"Glam"
in case you thought deathhawks, ripped t-shirts and torn fishnets were too modest of a fashion statement
Mike: David Bowie and Iggy Pop shirts on sale at Hot Topic this week!
"Go Go Girls"
our music will sound better if you're staring at a half naked chick
Mike: Damn nipple tape!
"Goth"
our DJ knows who Peter Murphy is
Mike: Our DJ blew Peter Murphy.
"Gothic Industrial"
lots of *oontz oontz* music, latex club wear, and some girl with big, poofy pigtails running around with a couple of glow sticks
Mike: Please play something other then Head Hunter by Front 242.
"Harsh EBM"
when regular EBM isn't awful enough
Mike: Amen!
"Impressive selection of beer"
just in case anyone ever comes to a Goth club to be impressed by the beer, we've got you covered
Mike: We can't afford a liquor license therefore we serve the finest horse piss in town.
"Industrial Decadence"
overweight EBM chicks in midriff baring fetishwear
Mike: Sad but true.
"Just off the freeway"
we're located next to the abandoned medical waste disposal plant in a section of town not patrolled by police
Mike: Fond memories of Ybor City back in the day.
"Legendary"
selling my soul for a steady club night 23 yrs. ago seemed like such a good idea at the time...
Mike: R.I.P. The Edge and Visage in Orlando.
"Live Bands"
real musicians aren't embarrassed to be seen in our club with our patrons
Mike: Wannabes or has beens currently on tour.
"Mash Ups"
someone got a Mac with Garage Band for their birthday, but can't figure out how to use it
Mike:?
"New Romantic"
Adam Ant, Duran Duran and, ahhh, ummm, errr.... more Adam Ant and Duran Duran
Mike: Duran Duran HAS more then one song Mr. Dj!
"Neofolk"
Der Furher's music, unplugged
Mike: Seek Help!
"No Cover Charge"
our venue is a classic dive bar with a decent sound system
Mike: Reminds me of the late Club Z in Orlando.
"Nu Wave"
I'm 2 lazy to spel check my flyerz be4 I hand them oot
Mike: Another fine example of the State of Florida Education system.
"Old School Punk"
we specialize in mohawks and mosh pits
Mike: Quick, there's a sale on PIL t-shirts at Hot Topic this month.
"Old School" (genre unspecified)
we bought a crate of vinyl at a garage sale
Mike: God I miss the hissing, pops, and scratches!
"Our DJ brings you the best in..."
our DJ will spin whatever his girlfriend left him after they split up
Mike: That or he lost his internet connection.
"Old School Goth"
our DJ's roommate went to school with Peter Murphy
Mike: And he also blew Peter Murphy.
"Plenty of available parking"
the neighborhood is so bad that no one is else is willing to park on the streets here
Mike: Again, flash backs of Ybor City.
"Powernoise"
we play music so obnoxious that even the rivetheads will complain
Mike: Kraftwerks comes to mind.
"REAL Alternative"
our DJ interned at KROQ
Mike: Playing the latest shite on the radio.
"Remixes"
someone got a Mac with Garage Band for their birthday and figured out how to use it
Mike: Should all be burned with the exception of the All Mixed Up album by the Cure.
"Remodeled"
they painted the walls after they were closed down for health code violations
Mike: Again reminding me of The Edge in Orlando.
"Request Night"
we got off work late and didn't have time to come up with a proper setlist
Mike: Can you play some Britney Spears or Pink?
"Retro"
Our DJ found a bunch of 80's comps at a second hand store and most of them aren't too badly scratched
Mike: Or they borrow my cd collection.
"Smoking Patio"
forget about sneaking in through the back exit
Mike: Some day Florida will get on the ball and ban smoking in clubs.
"Two dance rooms"
our Gothic Industrial club plays both kinds of music, gothic and industrial
Mike: Reminds me of The Parthenon in Tampa.
"Underground"
our DJ really likes She Wants Revenge
Mike: Wasn't that a club in Atlanta?
"Indie"
Our DJ eventually got burned out on She Wants Revenge and is now on an Interpol kick
Mike: What's played on college radio should stay on college radio!
"Vampire" or "Vampiric"
douchebag or douchebagic
Mike: They both suck:)
"Vendors"
we have a girl selling bat-themed jewelry and spiderweb necklaces at a table next to the dance floor
Mike: Another flash back to The Edge in Orlando.
"VIP Lounge"
in case the people on the dance floor weren't pretentious enough for you
Mike: OMG is that Paris?!?
"We spin vinyl"
our DJs are damn good!
Mike: All hail the hiss, crackle and pop!
"With a little booty hip hop to mix it up"
no matter how drunk you get, you're going to regret coming here for years to come
Mike: You forgot to play The Electric Slide and show us how to do it.
"WiFi"
because the only thing geekier than dancing at a Goth club is surfing the web at a Goth club
Mike: Reminds me of the heady days of IBar and Bone Daddy Bruce.
This is a repost from friend of mine up here in Tally.