(no subject)
What is wrong with me? Why am I having such a hard time supporting my girlfriend, whom I profess to love, in her new job? Is it because she is taking over "my territory". I mean we don't even work for the same company or in the same town so what is the big deal? Why do I get so defensive about the field? Perhaps it has something to do with all the bitching she has done since she started and judging the way the program is being run when she has no prior experience in the field. I know that I compared facilities that I have worked at but that is because I have done this kind of job before. She gets so stressed out about little things that I think that she is going to have a hard time with this work. She wants to work in the apartment settings with the more independant people...because it's easier but she has been hired in the voational program down there with some highly behavioral people. After 3 days she is talking about how she would like to work in the different area. I guess at least she has stuck it out becausze I guess most people that observe there quit basically before they even start. Am I not giving her the chance that she deserves? She was freakin out last night because she has a learning disability and gets really bad test anxiety and has to take a test in 3 days to complete her orientation. I didn't know what to say to her cause I have no idea what it is like to have that kind of disability. She was freakin about the med test too and she did great on that so I told her to focus on that and think that she can do it instead of worrying that she can't. That probably didn't help. Perhaps it is partly because I am not there in person to comfort her and I feel so helpless. I hate talking on the phone and she insistes we do it everyday. I miss her but sometimes when I talk on the phone with her I just want to get off right away. I think that she is frustrated too and I have to remember that. I have very little sex drive these days cause I am tired and my meds make it go down. I love my job and I guess it is hard to hear so much negativity about something that I love to do...that could be it so when she starts bitchin I automatically want to get defensive about the whole thing. That isn't right because not everone can be like me, right? She is extremely negative most of the time anyway so it is something I a going to have to deal with to be with her. She also looks to the future sooo much. How can a person be happy today if they are always looking to tomorrow to be better? I know that I can't because that is how I was. I did nothing for today because I was always looking for something great to happen in th future but without all the work that comes with getting good things in this earthly life. I know that I am just venting but it is bothering me how I don't even want to talk to her about her job...damn me. I am tired and have been sleeping like crap but it's ok becase today I am clean and that is the greatest gift that I could have every gotten. Today is gonna be a good day. No matter what happens I know that I can handle it and that it will only make my life more rich in the end (I don't mean THE END). Winter is really coming now...and it should make my job that much more interesting...lol. This weekend I will see her but not for very long which makes me sad because in person is when I know that I love her the most. The ASC is this sat too and a drag show which I am sadly ill prepared for but that is ok. I will be alright because I always am. Plus I have a special short number just for her so that I can sing it in front of everyone:) Gotta get to work now....