Thoughts on tonight:
It was amazing.
It hurt more than I wanted to feel.
I needed to go for a walk.
I was watching Y Tu Mama Tambien.
I was wondering why we are not more honest with each other.
And I needed to go for a walk.
A happy walk.
And it was happy.
I danced on the sidewalk all the way down to the World Trade Center.
I sang a little too.
I walked so I wouldn't step on the cracks sometimes.
I thought of the homeless people who saw me thinking, "And they tell us we're nuts."
I got to the Trade Center.
And changed my music.
Then I cried.
I was so happy dancing the whole way there and I cried.
For over an hour I stood there, shaking from cold and sobbing.
I thought about Thanksgiving.
I remembered all the people I am thankful for.
I hoped that others were doing the same.
I listened to music and looked at the pictures they have mounted there.
I recounted the day to myself.
I followed a timeline of the events of the day.
I wondered how strong the people on the flights must have been.
They never said they wanted to give their lives.
But they did it anyway.
They got on a plane and made the decision to die for us, so that more of us would not get hurt.
Flight 93.
I wondered if I would ever be asked to die for something greater than myself.
Or for a couse I never knew I supported.
You never think today's the day I will give myself over for the good of greater humanity.
I cried a lot.
I thought about Ghandi.
I decided roughly what I want tattoed on my body.
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Life is about love.
Compassion.
I thought about God and didn't feel anything.
It didn't bother me.
I walked away with renewed spirit.
As if in crying I had purged insignificant worries and uniportant ideas from my mind.
I was tired.
I had to pee.
I sat for twenty minutes in the subway.
I thought about the people in my life who could use a hand.
I thought about what I started doing recently,
Giving things away to people I see because they need them more than I do.
I gave a pair of gloves to a man in Union Square.
I gave myself to two friends recently.
I was exhausted, wanted to be alone, but they needed me more than I needed sleep or solitude.
And I'm glad I was there.
I got home.
Got undressed.
Went to the bathroom.
And here I sit.
Ready to go to bed and get up at 9am tomorrow to help a person I barely know.
Because I could see she needed my time more than I needed it.
I am excited.
Goodnight.
It hurt more than I wanted to feel.
I needed to go for a walk.
I was watching Y Tu Mama Tambien.
I was wondering why we are not more honest with each other.
And I needed to go for a walk.
A happy walk.
And it was happy.
I danced on the sidewalk all the way down to the World Trade Center.
I sang a little too.
I walked so I wouldn't step on the cracks sometimes.
I thought of the homeless people who saw me thinking, "And they tell us we're nuts."
I got to the Trade Center.
And changed my music.
Then I cried.
I was so happy dancing the whole way there and I cried.
For over an hour I stood there, shaking from cold and sobbing.
I thought about Thanksgiving.
I remembered all the people I am thankful for.
I hoped that others were doing the same.
I listened to music and looked at the pictures they have mounted there.
I recounted the day to myself.
I followed a timeline of the events of the day.
I wondered how strong the people on the flights must have been.
They never said they wanted to give their lives.
But they did it anyway.
They got on a plane and made the decision to die for us, so that more of us would not get hurt.
Flight 93.
I wondered if I would ever be asked to die for something greater than myself.
Or for a couse I never knew I supported.
You never think today's the day I will give myself over for the good of greater humanity.
I cried a lot.
I thought about Ghandi.
I decided roughly what I want tattoed on my body.
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Life is about love.
Compassion.
I thought about God and didn't feel anything.
It didn't bother me.
I walked away with renewed spirit.
As if in crying I had purged insignificant worries and uniportant ideas from my mind.
I was tired.
I had to pee.
I sat for twenty minutes in the subway.
I thought about the people in my life who could use a hand.
I thought about what I started doing recently,
Giving things away to people I see because they need them more than I do.
I gave a pair of gloves to a man in Union Square.
I gave myself to two friends recently.
I was exhausted, wanted to be alone, but they needed me more than I needed sleep or solitude.
And I'm glad I was there.
I got home.
Got undressed.
Went to the bathroom.
And here I sit.
Ready to go to bed and get up at 9am tomorrow to help a person I barely know.
Because I could see she needed my time more than I needed it.
I am excited.
Goodnight.