I only wanted you to feel, how I thought you deserved to feel.

[wackedoutcandle]

So.
This is it.
Alder had to be put down the other day.
He is gone.
I fell into shock.
Kaycie was bawling right in front of me.
I couldn't allow myself to cry.
I wish I could truly let other people into my life.
I've tried.
I can never be completly honest with someone.
And for that I feel awful.
I really do try.
I am harboring another secret.
One that i'm not sure.
I can or will say.
I know I can't keep it in forever.
I of all people are allowed to lie once in a while.
In my own terms of lying.
I hate how easy lies could come to me.
I sit alone in my room.
And lie to myself.
The words roll off my tounge so easily.
No stuttering.
Pure confidence.
This is me.
I have turned to the dark side.
I think it is only the begining.
But I am going to try and stop.
Really.
I know it's only going to hurt everyone.
But for some reason the things I need tend to hurt others.
Matt is trying to help me.
Thinks I'm in danger.
Ha.
Fuck your danger.
Bring it