Taking the Way Back Machine
To celebrate the coming of OoTP, I thought I would drag an old fic out of my archives, written and posted way back in 1999 when I was still an active Buffy fan and when we poor American fans had to wait until it appeared over here. Plus I would like to congratulate jordannamorgan on not one but three bunnies with her little idea. She knows which one. One little bunny snuck up on me on the Metro when I remembered a casual throwaway line by Xavier in that Ultimate X-men freebie I received on Free Comic Day. I swear they've turned into vorpal dustbunnies on me... what was that spell they used again?
Title: The Magic of Home [1/1]
Summary: Why is Giles acting so strange over a shipment of books from home?
Rating: G
Spoilers: Third season, after "Gingerbread"
Disclaimers: Buffy: the Vampire Slayer and her characters belong to 20th Century Fox. And You-Know-Who and HP belong to Rowling and her publishers.
"Um, Willow," Rupert Giles asked, standing near the computer terminal, "I need your help with this... machine."
"Sure, what do you need me to look up?" Willow Rosenberg asked. "Mysterious disappearances? Strange occult symbols? Soccer scores?"
Giles turned crimson. He should never have asked Willow for her help in finding the score for the last Manchester United match. He had frantically searched the Sunnydale and Los Angeles newspapers until Willow found it in three seconds on the computer.
"Um, no, actually, I need to connect to an online bookdealer," Giles said simply. "As you know, some of my books were badly damaged by the MOO burnings. Some books I need to supplement the library are only available in Britain. A Watcher contact suggested a firm called.... Amazon?" He seemed doubtful that was a real bookseller.
"Oh, sure, Amazon, I know the site," Willow said, sitting down at the computer. "Mom orders some of her academic books through their main site all the time for her research." Willow pulled up the browser. "But you want the British site, right?"
The colorful site appeared on the screen and Giles looked nervously at all the options. The Watchgere had barely recovered from his excursions into the chat rooms. How could he navigate through all this material to find what he needed? But his contact had insisted it was available here.
"Oh, neat, the new Potter book is available over there already," Willow said excitedly.
Giles asked distracted. "The what?"
"The Harry Potter books," Willow said. "You haven't heard of them?"
"Vaguely," Giles said. "They're on display whenever I visit the local bookstore."
"Giles, they're the coolest books," Willow said. "And they're British... well, the author is Scottish, but that counts, right?"
"Not if you listen to the Scots," Giles said.
"Anyway, they're about this boy attending this magical wizard school called Hogwarts and he leaves by train from King's Cross by platform nine and three quarters." Willow was babbling more excitedly now, as she does when she gets on a subject she enjoys.
Giles said, stopping her sternly. "Willow, I've taken the train many times from King's Cross station and I can assure you there's no such thing as platform nine and three quarters." He was suddenly wistful about the train station, even missing the late trains and the three hour delays. "Now just show me how to look up a title or author on this contraption so I can get my books." He hadn't meant to sound so irritable, but he was impatient.
"Of course," Willow said dutifully. She muttered to herself. "Would have thought you of all people... but, no, you're a Muggle like other adults."
"Willow!"
"Working now," Willow said. "You type in the book name or author here in the search space and it brings up your choices. You just click on the one you want and it brings up the entry."
"I see," Giles said. He clearly didn't, but he would muddle through. He had to have this book.
Willow let Giles sit down at the computer and he typed in a title, one damaged in the fire. Amazon had the book in stock and could ship it quickly. Giles was surprised. Even his contacts couldn't manage it that fast.
"So how do I order it?" Giles asked. Willow showed him the checkout process, warning him about the problems inherent in process, like forgetting the password. After she had finished her explanation, offering to guide him further, Giles testily said he would be fine and run along to her studies.
After Willow was safely away, Giles surreptitiously typed the new title into the space. Now if he could just remember how to spell that name. Was it Azkabibble or Azkan or....
###
A week later, the group was assembled in the library to research a rather obnoxious purple furry demon, when his books arrived. The deliveryman wheeled his way into the library in the afternoon, with a large white box on his trolley, startling them from their research.
"Excuse me," the UPS deliveryman said, "I have a delivery for a..." He consulted his tablet. "Mr. Rupert Guiles."
The librarian winced, but did not correct that common mistake. "That would be me."
"Sign here, sir," the deliveryman handed Giles the stylus to sign the handheld tablet. Giles scribbled his name in the tiny place provided and the deliveryman handed Giles his parcel. "Here you are, Mr. Guiles. Enjoy." Without a further word, the UPS deliveryman disappeared through the double doors of the library to make his other deliveries.
Rupert Giles turned the white box over to see the return address. His expression immediately changed from a dark frown into a delighted smile. He almost broke into a little victory dance until he remembered the assembled group around the study table. Giles explained. "The books I ordered from Britain finally arrived."
"We figured as much," Buffy said dryly.
"Only you could get so excited about receiving a new shipment of books." Xander asked jokingly. "So what is on the Watcher Bestseller list this week? Idiot's Guide to Demons and Spirits? Travels with Werewolves?"
Willow said sharply. "Xander!"
"Both of those books are regrettably out-of-stock," Giles said. "If you will excuse me, I need to... unpack these new additions."
Willow asked eagerly. "Need any help?"
"No!" Giles said a little too quickly. "I can manage, Willow. Why don't you three continue with the research on our furry friend? It'll only take a moment." Then Giles took his box into his office and closed the door.
When the Slayerettes were left alone, Buffy asked. "Is Giles always like this when he receives new books?"
"Always," Willow nodded. "Although he has been pretty anxious about this particular shipment. He even asked how to use the Amazon UK site."
"He what?" Buffy said. "He asked to use the computer? Our Giles?"
Willow said. "Well, he did use the computer that time when I was grounded."
"But that was different. You were unavailable. " Buffy said. "He usually has you look up stuff for him."
"He was so grumpy, though," Willow said, remembering the tutorial. "He wasn't even interested in the new Harry Potter book."
"It's available already?" Buffy said. "I thought it didn't come to the bookstore for a couple more months."
"In Britain only," Willow said. "Giles could have cared less. He..."
Clearly through the heavy door, they heard a guffaw from Giles' office. The three friends exchanged looks.
"Maybe he ordered a fun book," Willow suggested, "like Slaying Through the Ages."
"1001 Dead Vampire Joke Book," Xander added hopefully. "That's a classic."
Then there were louder sounds of laughter coming from the office. Finally the threesome went to Giles' office and pushed open the door.
"Um, Giles, purple furry demon?" Buffy said, putting her hands on her hips.
Giles looked up from his hardcover book. There were four other forgotten books left in the white Amazon box, "Hmm... oh yes, Watcher duties, nearly forgot."
"A little too wrapped up in your new acquisitions, huh, Giles?" Xander said.
"Well, yes, I only intended to skim it, but well, Harry's summer essay on Wendelin the Weird was too..." Giles said. "Er um, Willow, why are you looking at me like that?"
"You have the new Potter book!" Willow said. "You.... you..."
"Now, Willow, I'm sure there's a logical explanation." Buffy said. But even she glared at her Watcher as if he had betrayed their trust.
"What explanation do I need to give?" Giles said defensively. "I'm an adult and I can buy whatever books I like." Willow and Buffy were furtively looking at his new book with greed and envy.
"A children's book, though?" Xander asked.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand, Xander," Giles said. "You're not English. This is almost as good as a message from home. And these editions aren't retooled for American readers."
"You mean the British versions are different?" Willow said stunned.
"Only slightly." Giles said. "A friend had given me the first two books for Christmas, suggesting they might get me over my homesickness. And then when I found out the next book was available, I... um... had to buy it."
"And you had Willow help you," Buffy said.
"I did buy some books for the library," Giles said stubbornly, "to replace the ones that were damaged. But I needed her to show me how to use the dread.... the contrap... the computer."
"Welcome to the information age, Giles," Buffy said.
"Thank you," Giles stood up to head back into the library. "Now we need to get to work on the furry demon. I actually had a thought while skimming the first chapter. I seem to recall there was an ancient sorcerer named Wendell Wastes who conjured a similar demon in the 15th century...."
"He's back to normal," Buffy said.
"Like there was any doubt," Willow said. "Ooh, he left his book behind. I wonder if he'd mind..." She picked up the brightly colored hardcover with a winged creature on the cover. Giles had marked his place with what appeared to be a train ticket stub.
"Willow! How do you turn this thing on again?"
Buffy and Willow sighed. "We'll borrow it later. Maybe he can explain the British school stuff."
"But... but..."
"C'mon, Will, the new books can wait until later."
Willow closed the door to Giles' office, leaving the book behind. "That was odd."
"What?"
"The ticket stub came from a British train leaving from King's Cross." Willow said.
The two exchanged a look. "You don't think?"
"Nah."
"No way."
But there was undeniably an additional spring in Giles' step for the rest of the long evening. He seemed less stressed out over finding the demon and he was more... Giles. The change was all precipitated by the arrival of his boarding pass for the famous Hogwarts Express, leaving at platform nine and three quarters.
THE END
Title: The Magic of Home [1/1]
Summary: Why is Giles acting so strange over a shipment of books from home?
Rating: G
Spoilers: Third season, after "Gingerbread"
Disclaimers: Buffy: the Vampire Slayer and her characters belong to 20th Century Fox. And You-Know-Who and HP belong to Rowling and her publishers.
"Um, Willow," Rupert Giles asked, standing near the computer terminal, "I need your help with this... machine."
"Sure, what do you need me to look up?" Willow Rosenberg asked. "Mysterious disappearances? Strange occult symbols? Soccer scores?"
Giles turned crimson. He should never have asked Willow for her help in finding the score for the last Manchester United match. He had frantically searched the Sunnydale and Los Angeles newspapers until Willow found it in three seconds on the computer.
"Um, no, actually, I need to connect to an online bookdealer," Giles said simply. "As you know, some of my books were badly damaged by the MOO burnings. Some books I need to supplement the library are only available in Britain. A Watcher contact suggested a firm called.... Amazon?" He seemed doubtful that was a real bookseller.
"Oh, sure, Amazon, I know the site," Willow said, sitting down at the computer. "Mom orders some of her academic books through their main site all the time for her research." Willow pulled up the browser. "But you want the British site, right?"
The colorful site appeared on the screen and Giles looked nervously at all the options. The Watchgere had barely recovered from his excursions into the chat rooms. How could he navigate through all this material to find what he needed? But his contact had insisted it was available here.
"Oh, neat, the new Potter book is available over there already," Willow said excitedly.
Giles asked distracted. "The what?"
"The Harry Potter books," Willow said. "You haven't heard of them?"
"Vaguely," Giles said. "They're on display whenever I visit the local bookstore."
"Giles, they're the coolest books," Willow said. "And they're British... well, the author is Scottish, but that counts, right?"
"Not if you listen to the Scots," Giles said.
"Anyway, they're about this boy attending this magical wizard school called Hogwarts and he leaves by train from King's Cross by platform nine and three quarters." Willow was babbling more excitedly now, as she does when she gets on a subject she enjoys.
Giles said, stopping her sternly. "Willow, I've taken the train many times from King's Cross station and I can assure you there's no such thing as platform nine and three quarters." He was suddenly wistful about the train station, even missing the late trains and the three hour delays. "Now just show me how to look up a title or author on this contraption so I can get my books." He hadn't meant to sound so irritable, but he was impatient.
"Of course," Willow said dutifully. She muttered to herself. "Would have thought you of all people... but, no, you're a Muggle like other adults."
"Willow!"
"Working now," Willow said. "You type in the book name or author here in the search space and it brings up your choices. You just click on the one you want and it brings up the entry."
"I see," Giles said. He clearly didn't, but he would muddle through. He had to have this book.
Willow let Giles sit down at the computer and he typed in a title, one damaged in the fire. Amazon had the book in stock and could ship it quickly. Giles was surprised. Even his contacts couldn't manage it that fast.
"So how do I order it?" Giles asked. Willow showed him the checkout process, warning him about the problems inherent in process, like forgetting the password. After she had finished her explanation, offering to guide him further, Giles testily said he would be fine and run along to her studies.
After Willow was safely away, Giles surreptitiously typed the new title into the space. Now if he could just remember how to spell that name. Was it Azkabibble or Azkan or....
###
A week later, the group was assembled in the library to research a rather obnoxious purple furry demon, when his books arrived. The deliveryman wheeled his way into the library in the afternoon, with a large white box on his trolley, startling them from their research.
"Excuse me," the UPS deliveryman said, "I have a delivery for a..." He consulted his tablet. "Mr. Rupert Guiles."
The librarian winced, but did not correct that common mistake. "That would be me."
"Sign here, sir," the deliveryman handed Giles the stylus to sign the handheld tablet. Giles scribbled his name in the tiny place provided and the deliveryman handed Giles his parcel. "Here you are, Mr. Guiles. Enjoy." Without a further word, the UPS deliveryman disappeared through the double doors of the library to make his other deliveries.
Rupert Giles turned the white box over to see the return address. His expression immediately changed from a dark frown into a delighted smile. He almost broke into a little victory dance until he remembered the assembled group around the study table. Giles explained. "The books I ordered from Britain finally arrived."
"We figured as much," Buffy said dryly.
"Only you could get so excited about receiving a new shipment of books." Xander asked jokingly. "So what is on the Watcher Bestseller list this week? Idiot's Guide to Demons and Spirits? Travels with Werewolves?"
Willow said sharply. "Xander!"
"Both of those books are regrettably out-of-stock," Giles said. "If you will excuse me, I need to... unpack these new additions."
Willow asked eagerly. "Need any help?"
"No!" Giles said a little too quickly. "I can manage, Willow. Why don't you three continue with the research on our furry friend? It'll only take a moment." Then Giles took his box into his office and closed the door.
When the Slayerettes were left alone, Buffy asked. "Is Giles always like this when he receives new books?"
"Always," Willow nodded. "Although he has been pretty anxious about this particular shipment. He even asked how to use the Amazon UK site."
"He what?" Buffy said. "He asked to use the computer? Our Giles?"
Willow said. "Well, he did use the computer that time when I was grounded."
"But that was different. You were unavailable. " Buffy said. "He usually has you look up stuff for him."
"He was so grumpy, though," Willow said, remembering the tutorial. "He wasn't even interested in the new Harry Potter book."
"It's available already?" Buffy said. "I thought it didn't come to the bookstore for a couple more months."
"In Britain only," Willow said. "Giles could have cared less. He..."
Clearly through the heavy door, they heard a guffaw from Giles' office. The three friends exchanged looks.
"Maybe he ordered a fun book," Willow suggested, "like Slaying Through the Ages."
"1001 Dead Vampire Joke Book," Xander added hopefully. "That's a classic."
Then there were louder sounds of laughter coming from the office. Finally the threesome went to Giles' office and pushed open the door.
"Um, Giles, purple furry demon?" Buffy said, putting her hands on her hips.
Giles looked up from his hardcover book. There were four other forgotten books left in the white Amazon box, "Hmm... oh yes, Watcher duties, nearly forgot."
"A little too wrapped up in your new acquisitions, huh, Giles?" Xander said.
"Well, yes, I only intended to skim it, but well, Harry's summer essay on Wendelin the Weird was too..." Giles said. "Er um, Willow, why are you looking at me like that?"
"You have the new Potter book!" Willow said. "You.... you..."
"Now, Willow, I'm sure there's a logical explanation." Buffy said. But even she glared at her Watcher as if he had betrayed their trust.
"What explanation do I need to give?" Giles said defensively. "I'm an adult and I can buy whatever books I like." Willow and Buffy were furtively looking at his new book with greed and envy.
"A children's book, though?" Xander asked.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand, Xander," Giles said. "You're not English. This is almost as good as a message from home. And these editions aren't retooled for American readers."
"You mean the British versions are different?" Willow said stunned.
"Only slightly." Giles said. "A friend had given me the first two books for Christmas, suggesting they might get me over my homesickness. And then when I found out the next book was available, I... um... had to buy it."
"And you had Willow help you," Buffy said.
"I did buy some books for the library," Giles said stubbornly, "to replace the ones that were damaged. But I needed her to show me how to use the dread.... the contrap... the computer."
"Welcome to the information age, Giles," Buffy said.
"Thank you," Giles stood up to head back into the library. "Now we need to get to work on the furry demon. I actually had a thought while skimming the first chapter. I seem to recall there was an ancient sorcerer named Wendell Wastes who conjured a similar demon in the 15th century...."
"He's back to normal," Buffy said.
"Like there was any doubt," Willow said. "Ooh, he left his book behind. I wonder if he'd mind..." She picked up the brightly colored hardcover with a winged creature on the cover. Giles had marked his place with what appeared to be a train ticket stub.
"Willow! How do you turn this thing on again?"
Buffy and Willow sighed. "We'll borrow it later. Maybe he can explain the British school stuff."
"But... but..."
"C'mon, Will, the new books can wait until later."
Willow closed the door to Giles' office, leaving the book behind. "That was odd."
"What?"
"The ticket stub came from a British train leaving from King's Cross." Willow said.
The two exchanged a look. "You don't think?"
"Nah."
"No way."
But there was undeniably an additional spring in Giles' step for the rest of the long evening. He seemed less stressed out over finding the demon and he was more... Giles. The change was all precipitated by the arrival of his boarding pass for the famous Hogwarts Express, leaving at platform nine and three quarters.
THE END