Life
Sometimes in life you relize that nothing will change.. or get better for you.. thats what happened to me tonight. I was at church and something hit me that made me think that life was not worth anything. Tonight i left church thinking that i wasn;t worth anything. That God just gave up on me.. I mean every girl i have Loved has hurt me or left me in some way. and i believe i can never get any better then i have been getting. I also believed that i was never gonna amount to anything. Not a Father, Musician, Actor, anything.. not even a human being. But then i watched the Season Fanaly of The OC... Ryan finally found out that his brother tryed to Rape Marissa... and went back to his old ways.... and him and Tray wound up fighting too the death... if Marissa had not walked in Trey would hav ekilled ryan.... but Marissa shot trey... i dont know y but watching that made me relize that this life i have now is not me... its not who i want to be... Drugs played a part in the past... Alcahol played a part as well... Nicotine played a part... but thats not me... i could never be like normal guys and sleep with any girl and every girl i could... i can;t date someone just for sex. and i can't hide my feelings for someone... i wear my feelings on my sleeves... everyone knows who i like, love, hate,, and dispise. i'm sorry to say i have been 2 faces in my life. I have reliezed now who i want to be... i dont want to be someone who acts one way and then changes at a whim.... i want to be me... i want to be the guy that everyone beleves i'm not... i want to be the guy people can depend on... and not abouse... i have been used too many times in my life... i stop smoking now i stop drinking i stoped drugs befor and i will continue to not use them... i will not EVER being to use women for my own plesure. i will never lie to a friend about anything and i will always speak the truth about my feelings...i will not be ashamed to say I LOVE JESUS and i dotn care who knows it... i will watch my lauguage and stop swearing. i will live my life the way God wants me to not the way I want to... life is too short to be waisted... i'm sick of being the normal guy.. its about time i take a step back and look at who i am and then change to be who i want to be.