(no subject)
i'm having a bad day. bad week. bad month, bad year?
i no longer care how sad or teenage angsty, how typical i sound.
i feel alone, i feel like everything is crashing and about to come to some tragic end, i feel like i'm holding onto everything for no reason. if school was any longer, i wouldn't be able to handle it. which makes no sense, because if i don't see people all day (today?) i get anxious and frustrated. why am i talking about school?
it's weird the way music always keeps me alive. cliche, i know, but it's.. well, undescribable. today, home alone, with the freedom to sing as loud as i wanted and turn it up as far as it could go, i realized that it's a high more intense than anything. it's a stronger drug than anything i've ever done, which is interesting, and perhaps beautiful (if it wasn't so cliche).
and i guess it really is up to me to make something out of that. something you've known all along, but don't want to admit it. yeah, it's you against the world when it comes to these things. what's that? oh, passion.
i have therapy tomorrow but i'm afraid of ever disappointing anyone, which is why i never get to any solutions. i never tell her all the things that drive me crazy. it's stupid, but i'm trying.
at the same time, i give up. i want to be severly depressed, i want to have a deep drug addiction, i want to have some sort of complicated issue that would make me creative at least for a little while. that's my problem, i can paint or pluck strings or do whatever until i'm amazing, but i'm never going to create something breathtaking.
i want to slowly destroy myself.
yeah, cliche?
it's like i'm just waiting for everything to collapse. i hate this feeling. i've been hating a lot of things lately.
my inablitity to be mean to people is fading too, when i find i just can't deal with people i dislike any longer. just wait, i'll be one of those "i'm too cool for you" kind of people soon!
i hate all of these entries.
i doubt anyone really takes the time to read my rambling (i know i dont read a lot of my friends page)... i tend to hate the things i create.
aghhjklsd
shut the fuck up.
i no longer care how sad or teenage angsty, how typical i sound.
i feel alone, i feel like everything is crashing and about to come to some tragic end, i feel like i'm holding onto everything for no reason. if school was any longer, i wouldn't be able to handle it. which makes no sense, because if i don't see people all day (today?) i get anxious and frustrated. why am i talking about school?
it's weird the way music always keeps me alive. cliche, i know, but it's.. well, undescribable. today, home alone, with the freedom to sing as loud as i wanted and turn it up as far as it could go, i realized that it's a high more intense than anything. it's a stronger drug than anything i've ever done, which is interesting, and perhaps beautiful (if it wasn't so cliche).
and i guess it really is up to me to make something out of that. something you've known all along, but don't want to admit it. yeah, it's you against the world when it comes to these things. what's that? oh, passion.
i have therapy tomorrow but i'm afraid of ever disappointing anyone, which is why i never get to any solutions. i never tell her all the things that drive me crazy. it's stupid, but i'm trying.
at the same time, i give up. i want to be severly depressed, i want to have a deep drug addiction, i want to have some sort of complicated issue that would make me creative at least for a little while. that's my problem, i can paint or pluck strings or do whatever until i'm amazing, but i'm never going to create something breathtaking.
i want to slowly destroy myself.
yeah, cliche?
it's like i'm just waiting for everything to collapse. i hate this feeling. i've been hating a lot of things lately.
my inablitity to be mean to people is fading too, when i find i just can't deal with people i dislike any longer. just wait, i'll be one of those "i'm too cool for you" kind of people soon!
i hate all of these entries.
i doubt anyone really takes the time to read my rambling (i know i dont read a lot of my friends page)... i tend to hate the things i create.
aghhjklsd
shut the fuck up.