(no subject)
This divorce is so ugly. It just gets worse everyday. It is difficult being twenty and watching what my parents are going through, I can't imagine what its like to be ten and experiencing it. Theres so much screaming, crying and anger.. and my dad doesn't even live here anymore. He says he doesn't have any money to help me out with college. "Maybe I can help you buy your books." Too bad I can't even go back to school now because I don't have a savings account and because of your large salary I get nothing in financial aid... not even the fucking 250tap that I thought EVERYONE got. I don't know what to do, I don't even care about school that much right now. I should probably just get a real full time job and help my mom out with the bills and babysit devon more often. All of this just sucks. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. My dad is being quite a fuck head, and it really sucks. He is saving up for a house, but he can't help me pay for college, or help my mom keep our own house. Which wouldn't be such a big deal if Devon didn't exist. But he does, and he needs some stability, like the house he has always lived in, and the yard to play with the dog in and the friends and family near by. I hate it how whatever I do for my mom, as hard as I try, I am never doing enough to help out and what I do never seems to be recognized. I would like to just leave, go get an apt with Jeff, stop talking to my family and begin with a fresh slate but that would be so selfish. Devon and my mom need me right now more than ever, but I just don't know what I can do to help.