Never get excited and you'll never be let D o W n.
Wow sooo today was a very eventful day... in both ways bad and good.
So my mom pierced my belly button today... HOLY SHIZNIT did I make a big deal out of nothing. Even though me and Laura were fighting I even had to ask her to come over so I could hold her hand. Lmao. It didn't even hurt that bad, I was really suprised but also relieved.
I definitaly can say one thing though... when you fight with someone you love or something really bad happens... just go and get something pierced haha. It takes your mind off of it.
- - -
So0o... I have a few things to say. Your probably not listening and you probably don't care but I`m not gonna hear anyone try and tell me that all I did was give up and run.
I honestly believed that I was all that you wanted. I also did believe that you loved me and that things were going to be okay. I had my doubts but it's normal. Everyone always does. Please don't ever think for one second that I didn't care about you or love you or wish you were here with me. I needed you more then anything. I`m not saying these things hoping that they will make you feel like shit. I`m saying them because I fought for you with everything that I had... all I want is for you to hear me. Believe what I say and understand.
It really sucks for me because I was hoping that things would never have to end like this. I was always faithful to you and I never lied. I know Ive made my mistakes and theres nothing that I can do to make things right but just believe me when I say... I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for what happened to happen and I never meant to make you unhappy. My goal each day whether I was with or without you was to make you smile. To make you happy. I know I wasn't perfect and I wasn't very good at it... but please, don't ever forget the happy times we did have together. I tried very hard to be everything that you wanted.
I was so angry for so long because I couldn't be everything that you needed. I`m just not that person in your life anymore. I can't get angry with you for how you feel and I can't get mad. I can't keep thinking in the corner of my mind... yah know "what if". What if I hadn't taken those pills that day. What if I never said what I did say to you. Because in reality.. god had a plan for us all. It was obviuosly meant to happen because sooner or later it would have. I`m glad that it happened now because now im starting to see how much pain I really did put you through and no one deserves to ever feel that pain. I`m very very sorry.
I just hope that you can finally be happy again. I really do. I`m very angry with the way you handeled things towards the end of everything but heyy, your only human right? What I did made you fall out of love with me. If not completely, then a big part of you did. You started seeing me differently and I guess maybe I did this to myself. But just know, I will always love you. You will always be my first love and I will always look back on us and remember not how unhappy you made me... but how happy you were able to make me for so long. Congratulations.. no seriously. I`m not being sarcastic. Congrats- no one has ever been able to make me as happy as you did. No one will ever be fully happy in life, so don't think for one second that because of the up's and down's we had that you wern't able to completely satisfy me. Because you were.
All I have left to say now is that I`m hoping that in the future somewhere... when we are both ready and can do it... someday be friends. I really do. Just be happy sweetheart. Don't look back on us and get upset. Just look back and remember the good times and how very happy you could make me. If I can't be the person that makes you happy then I really hope theres someone out there that can and I`m sure someday you'll find that lucky person. Don't ever let her make you feel like you can't be happy. Don't ever take what it is I did to you. I love you and always will. Don't ever forget that.
- - - -
Oooookay now. So me and bethy boo talked. She called me and things are finally okay. She is truely the one friend that I can always fall back on. I love you babe<333
And mark... before I go I must say this, your hair turned out bad...VERY BAD, but you came to the right house to get it fixed. ;-) Lol. (Thanks to Laura) MwUah**
Goodnite all. Sleep tight.
<3
So my mom pierced my belly button today... HOLY SHIZNIT did I make a big deal out of nothing. Even though me and Laura were fighting I even had to ask her to come over so I could hold her hand. Lmao. It didn't even hurt that bad, I was really suprised but also relieved.
I definitaly can say one thing though... when you fight with someone you love or something really bad happens... just go and get something pierced haha. It takes your mind off of it.
- - -
So0o... I have a few things to say. Your probably not listening and you probably don't care but I`m not gonna hear anyone try and tell me that all I did was give up and run.
I honestly believed that I was all that you wanted. I also did believe that you loved me and that things were going to be okay. I had my doubts but it's normal. Everyone always does. Please don't ever think for one second that I didn't care about you or love you or wish you were here with me. I needed you more then anything. I`m not saying these things hoping that they will make you feel like shit. I`m saying them because I fought for you with everything that I had... all I want is for you to hear me. Believe what I say and understand.
It really sucks for me because I was hoping that things would never have to end like this. I was always faithful to you and I never lied. I know Ive made my mistakes and theres nothing that I can do to make things right but just believe me when I say... I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for what happened to happen and I never meant to make you unhappy. My goal each day whether I was with or without you was to make you smile. To make you happy. I know I wasn't perfect and I wasn't very good at it... but please, don't ever forget the happy times we did have together. I tried very hard to be everything that you wanted.
I was so angry for so long because I couldn't be everything that you needed. I`m just not that person in your life anymore. I can't get angry with you for how you feel and I can't get mad. I can't keep thinking in the corner of my mind... yah know "what if". What if I hadn't taken those pills that day. What if I never said what I did say to you. Because in reality.. god had a plan for us all. It was obviuosly meant to happen because sooner or later it would have. I`m glad that it happened now because now im starting to see how much pain I really did put you through and no one deserves to ever feel that pain. I`m very very sorry.
I just hope that you can finally be happy again. I really do. I`m very angry with the way you handeled things towards the end of everything but heyy, your only human right? What I did made you fall out of love with me. If not completely, then a big part of you did. You started seeing me differently and I guess maybe I did this to myself. But just know, I will always love you. You will always be my first love and I will always look back on us and remember not how unhappy you made me... but how happy you were able to make me for so long. Congratulations.. no seriously. I`m not being sarcastic. Congrats- no one has ever been able to make me as happy as you did. No one will ever be fully happy in life, so don't think for one second that because of the up's and down's we had that you wern't able to completely satisfy me. Because you were.
All I have left to say now is that I`m hoping that in the future somewhere... when we are both ready and can do it... someday be friends. I really do. Just be happy sweetheart. Don't look back on us and get upset. Just look back and remember the good times and how very happy you could make me. If I can't be the person that makes you happy then I really hope theres someone out there that can and I`m sure someday you'll find that lucky person. Don't ever let her make you feel like you can't be happy. Don't ever take what it is I did to you. I love you and always will. Don't ever forget that.
- - - -
Oooookay now. So me and bethy boo talked. She called me and things are finally okay. She is truely the one friend that I can always fall back on. I love you babe<333
And mark... before I go I must say this, your hair turned out bad...VERY BAD, but you came to the right house to get it fixed. ;-) Lol. (Thanks to Laura) MwUah**
Goodnite all. Sleep tight.
<3