I've got eyes that can see thru fantasy ...
So I half talked to greg about things. Honestly, I don't want to not talk to him. I really don't. I really didn't know what I wanted to say or how to say it. I still don't.
He thinks I am mad - I'm not though. I'm not mad at anyone or anything. He says it's cause he hung out with Ryan one night. That's fucking retarded and not my issue at all. Why don't these people see that? He says its because I don't want to move on ... or something. It's not that either.
I AM NOT MAD. I have no problems at all with Ryan or Amanda - for fucks sakes I talk to her from time to time over MSN if I had an issue with her I would have blocked and deleted a long time ago.
It's just - I'm tired of being left out of things because I am an ex and he's got a next. While I don't feel like sitting around watching them do whatever I don't think that its fair that I get dropped whenever Ryan decides he wants to do. I can't count how many times my "friends" have all been out doing something and I am dying to be there but "can't" go. It hurts. It really does.
This isn't about any one person. This isn't about anything other then putting myself first for what may be the first time in my life. I have a tendency to put myself in situations where I always feel like I am being battered down for one reason or another. This is one of those times and rather then start a new year like that I am going to move on.
Maybe shutting out my "friends" isn't the way to go but right now thats the only way I can see. Maybe in a few weeks or whatever I will see things differently. I still plan on talking to Tim and Sarah... I don't know. Greg too I guess.
Sometimes things just become to interrelated. I feel that somehow I am at a crossroad and I don't want to keep going down the path of self-loathing that I seem to be stuck on. I'm kinda finished with that.
What's the problem with that?
He thinks I am mad - I'm not though. I'm not mad at anyone or anything. He says it's cause he hung out with Ryan one night. That's fucking retarded and not my issue at all. Why don't these people see that? He says its because I don't want to move on ... or something. It's not that either.
I AM NOT MAD. I have no problems at all with Ryan or Amanda - for fucks sakes I talk to her from time to time over MSN if I had an issue with her I would have blocked and deleted a long time ago.
It's just - I'm tired of being left out of things because I am an ex and he's got a next. While I don't feel like sitting around watching them do whatever I don't think that its fair that I get dropped whenever Ryan decides he wants to do. I can't count how many times my "friends" have all been out doing something and I am dying to be there but "can't" go. It hurts. It really does.
This isn't about any one person. This isn't about anything other then putting myself first for what may be the first time in my life. I have a tendency to put myself in situations where I always feel like I am being battered down for one reason or another. This is one of those times and rather then start a new year like that I am going to move on.
Maybe shutting out my "friends" isn't the way to go but right now thats the only way I can see. Maybe in a few weeks or whatever I will see things differently. I still plan on talking to Tim and Sarah... I don't know. Greg too I guess.
Sometimes things just become to interrelated. I feel that somehow I am at a crossroad and I don't want to keep going down the path of self-loathing that I seem to be stuck on. I'm kinda finished with that.
What's the problem with that?