unlucky 13
no joke. good things didn't really take place in my life on the 13th of this month (or the day after). but anyhow, i think this is the last time i'm really going to dwell on it in the lj. added thanks to suzanne for chatting w/me for over an hour saturday morning when no one else was available, annaleigh for remind me that i'm not horrible looking, and ambre for giving me some advice and keeping me real. i know i'm going to be ok, i just wish it was now. i slept for more then four hours for once, from 11-4 and then about 4:30-6:30 so i guess that's a sign that things are getting better. dinner didn't go down especially well last night (my stomach hurts right now in fact) but i wasn't completely disgusted by the thought of eating, although the lasagna that's been sitting in the fridge since wednesday will probably have to go, it's not associated with any good things right now. i made a mixed cd of songs that kind of soothe me: desperately wanting, holiday in spain, nightswimming, mona lisa, anna begins, somewhere in between, beautiful mistake, the scientist, everybody hurts, round here, who loves the sun, most of the time, save it for a rainy day, am i wrong, lucky, she said, and i will survive... it's a good mix of music for me right now, and i played it about three times yesterday afternoon and it managed to relax me enough to nap for small spurts over the course of like 3 hours. i think i'm going to try to pick up the mcat studying and maybe bury myself in it for awhile, i have less than a month... 14ths of months are really just not my deal this summer i guess, but life goes on. i'm so happy that i was at home for this though, forget what i said about not wanting to be home, if i weren't right now i don't know how i would deal. but even with all the help, i'm going to have to get through this myself, and i think slowly, i'm going to. and part of that is not dwelling on it so much even though that's just my style, i like to think that i've thought all there is to think and that i've planned out all there is i can so i don't look back and regret my actions later. but there really isn't much else i can do or think about at this point, maybe when i get back to duke i'll write more about it as things become clearer in that respect, but for now... if there's anything you want to know i guess you'll have to ask.