Wherein I Ramble Awkwardly
Last night we took Ada to the airport. No huge event. We grabbed some dinner together at a diner then climbed into the Escape. We complained about what a pain it is to get out to JFK. Listened to the Yankee game on the radio. Talked about what time she'd arrive in Italy and how she hoped to catch some sleep on the plane. I watched the fire blooming trees of the Merritt turn into the lit up view of Manhattan from the Whitestone. I kissed my mother in law's cheeks and hugged her before she left to go begin the long process of boarding an international flight.
Nothing huge. Very normal. What most people would classify as boring. Just my life moving along.
And honestly, 99.9% of the time, I'm sitting there in awe of it. Enthralled with every stupid little bit of it.
There are the silly things that amuse me. Like my first mass. Discussing how to get anywhere from anywhere in New England. (No, you really can't get there from here.) Taking the train in to watch a Yankee's game. Snow. Listening to my father in law tell a story. Homemade marinara. Taking a ferry. Real bagels.
There are the not so silly things that leave me in awe. People saying what they mean. Safety without stagnation. Honesty. Trust. Faith. An incredible lack of fear.
It's all exotic to me. Foreign. It makes me giggle somewhere in my head. Like I'm getting away with something by being here in the middle of this. This is not the world I grew up in. This is not what they told me the world was.
So I just love and value every little detail. Even when it isn't fun. I love it... because it's sane. A fight isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a dialogue. Speaking honestly is not only accepted, but encouraged.
And maybe it's New England. And maybe it's the people I've chosen to surround myself with. And maybe it's just making better choices in general. Somewhere in there it stopped being about being scared and defensive and got around to the business of being me and enjoying this life.
So why all of this? Was this really triggered by a jaunt to drop the mo in law off at JFK? Yes... and also... it's Bunnie's fault.
She put a bug in my ear about a visit. A visit to see her and Bella... timed with High School Reunion. While I'm right in the middle of this whole trying to reconcile who I am with where I began thing. Well, actually, trying to ignore reconciling those things.
I say I don't care to go because I really don't feel the desire to waste any more of my time on those people. And it's true... about most of those people.
But what I don't say is that I'm not sure I really want to remember the redeeming things about that place. Those people. That life. That it's easier just to remember the horror of the house I grew up in, and burn the rest for having the misfortune of being in the same town.
Yes, I just may be tossing the baby out with the bathwater. But you know, I'm trying to decide if I really want that baby anyway.
Nothing huge. Very normal. What most people would classify as boring. Just my life moving along.
And honestly, 99.9% of the time, I'm sitting there in awe of it. Enthralled with every stupid little bit of it.
There are the silly things that amuse me. Like my first mass. Discussing how to get anywhere from anywhere in New England. (No, you really can't get there from here.) Taking the train in to watch a Yankee's game. Snow. Listening to my father in law tell a story. Homemade marinara. Taking a ferry. Real bagels.
There are the not so silly things that leave me in awe. People saying what they mean. Safety without stagnation. Honesty. Trust. Faith. An incredible lack of fear.
It's all exotic to me. Foreign. It makes me giggle somewhere in my head. Like I'm getting away with something by being here in the middle of this. This is not the world I grew up in. This is not what they told me the world was.
So I just love and value every little detail. Even when it isn't fun. I love it... because it's sane. A fight isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a dialogue. Speaking honestly is not only accepted, but encouraged.
And maybe it's New England. And maybe it's the people I've chosen to surround myself with. And maybe it's just making better choices in general. Somewhere in there it stopped being about being scared and defensive and got around to the business of being me and enjoying this life.
So why all of this? Was this really triggered by a jaunt to drop the mo in law off at JFK? Yes... and also... it's Bunnie's fault.
She put a bug in my ear about a visit. A visit to see her and Bella... timed with High School Reunion. While I'm right in the middle of this whole trying to reconcile who I am with where I began thing. Well, actually, trying to ignore reconciling those things.
I say I don't care to go because I really don't feel the desire to waste any more of my time on those people. And it's true... about most of those people.
But what I don't say is that I'm not sure I really want to remember the redeeming things about that place. Those people. That life. That it's easier just to remember the horror of the house I grew up in, and burn the rest for having the misfortune of being in the same town.
Yes, I just may be tossing the baby out with the bathwater. But you know, I'm trying to decide if I really want that baby anyway.