(no subject)
Dear god. I have sat and spent the last two hours, reading old journal entries, remembering, somtimes laughing, sometimes crying.
I feel like I have died and seen my life flash in front of me. And guess what? I have been here before. I have been manic. I have been up, soaring with hopes and dreams and aspirations. I have packed my bags on more than one occasion and set out on a new adventure and blissfully naive, believed it would all work out. I have been down, down so low, that only a phone call saved me from death. I have woken in a hospital with mud all over my body from breaking down so publicly. And still, I look around and still see so many of you standing by, waiting to see where I will end up.
A friend that was lost to me, that came swooping back in with a phone call and a comment, and still remains closer to my heart than anyone I have never known. Friends that were lost that remain that way. God. I look at my life and wonder who the hell I am sometimes. But there is this writing, that reminds me of all the places I have gone, things I have done and said, lives I have touched and that have touched mine. And somewhere in all of this chaos, there is a sparkling little gem of a girl. A gem who has been dragged through all of her bad choices and comes out on the other side a little worse for wear but still sparkling.
And so here I am. Preparing once again to start a new direction, a new life, alife that has already been so many things. And I wonder if this is true for everyone, if everyone looks at their life and it reads like a road map. Take a left at the boy who will use you and a right at the next whiskey bar. Go for miles until you reach the Avenue of Crushing Disappointment, then take the exit marked You are Loved. 7 miles from nowhere, you can call it home.
I feel like I have died and seen my life flash in front of me. And guess what? I have been here before. I have been manic. I have been up, soaring with hopes and dreams and aspirations. I have packed my bags on more than one occasion and set out on a new adventure and blissfully naive, believed it would all work out. I have been down, down so low, that only a phone call saved me from death. I have woken in a hospital with mud all over my body from breaking down so publicly. And still, I look around and still see so many of you standing by, waiting to see where I will end up.
A friend that was lost to me, that came swooping back in with a phone call and a comment, and still remains closer to my heart than anyone I have never known. Friends that were lost that remain that way. God. I look at my life and wonder who the hell I am sometimes. But there is this writing, that reminds me of all the places I have gone, things I have done and said, lives I have touched and that have touched mine. And somewhere in all of this chaos, there is a sparkling little gem of a girl. A gem who has been dragged through all of her bad choices and comes out on the other side a little worse for wear but still sparkling.
And so here I am. Preparing once again to start a new direction, a new life, alife that has already been so many things. And I wonder if this is true for everyone, if everyone looks at their life and it reads like a road map. Take a left at the boy who will use you and a right at the next whiskey bar. Go for miles until you reach the Avenue of Crushing Disappointment, then take the exit marked You are Loved. 7 miles from nowhere, you can call it home.