Meh
Everything was how it seems as I left it, as if frozen in time. I still refer to that place where my father would pick me up as the big fish head, even though it has had its name changed to ARTCUBE for more than a year. It's good to ask myself how I am once in awhile, because it really helps myself to pause, think and reflect upon the recent events that have occured. I recall life as though I have lived it for over twenty years the past three months... I've officially broken up with the person who I thought was my bestfriend and soulmate for the last 6 years. On the surface I felt no regrets, this surface has sunken and ascended is a new facade that has bore its shape by interlace and wrapped its silk-delicate features around and into a new. I would still like to think of him as a friend, otherwise everything we've done would have been in vain. On the surface, I was also happy ending such a relationship with him, I had something to think about at least another person who I thought showed affection even though I was fooled.
Regardless of my humiliating mistake, I also tricked myself into a false state of happiness because I thought I had friends that stood by me. I have been fooled yet again and have been robbed from greatly. When things are in its grimmest state of despair my roomate would peek over and say its'SOKay. Maybe for her they are, if only you could feel the emotions that have impaled me. Yet again, I feel that I have surpassed the stage of being emotionally deprived, where I have been left feeling no emotions. I've certainly reached a new destination of depression this fallen time around. Still I would be blankly staring at a grimace and a cheaply fake pasted smile and continue some chore...
Ex-boyfriend problems recently, note to self: never date a bestfriend and have them become best friends with you again. They know where to tear you and it hurts, soo much more.
I met up with Lei after work today, another first time in a long time. She was almost how I remebered. We talked over our tea lattes until we got kicked out and had to run to a bank to sit until the eleven-forty, when her mom would pick her up and drive her home. I bet she thinks I need to get over ESA. That has always been my one great flaw, I use too much of the past to fuel me through with friends that I have almost lost to air it seems...
As I went home that night I thought about the electricity that lit the pixels on the ARTCUBE sign.
Regardless of my humiliating mistake, I also tricked myself into a false state of happiness because I thought I had friends that stood by me. I have been fooled yet again and have been robbed from greatly. When things are in its grimmest state of despair my roomate would peek over and say its'SOKay. Maybe for her they are, if only you could feel the emotions that have impaled me. Yet again, I feel that I have surpassed the stage of being emotionally deprived, where I have been left feeling no emotions. I've certainly reached a new destination of depression this fallen time around. Still I would be blankly staring at a grimace and a cheaply fake pasted smile and continue some chore...
Ex-boyfriend problems recently, note to self: never date a bestfriend and have them become best friends with you again. They know where to tear you and it hurts, soo much more.
I met up with Lei after work today, another first time in a long time. She was almost how I remebered. We talked over our tea lattes until we got kicked out and had to run to a bank to sit until the eleven-forty, when her mom would pick her up and drive her home. I bet she thinks I need to get over ESA. That has always been my one great flaw, I use too much of the past to fuel me through with friends that I have almost lost to air it seems...
As I went home that night I thought about the electricity that lit the pixels on the ARTCUBE sign.