'Allo ol' LJ peoples <3
I miss y'all. Old anime server napster friends, and those from EoFF. Finally starting to use the internet more again. But I've lost my groove of getting "into" it. I need to find my edge. Somehow I moved attention more toward MySpace (*EVIL*). But that's 'cause I started paying more attention to my offline life. Know more people offline there :[ But honestly I've yet to ever have a friend as close as I've had online. Don't want to start an online/offline quality debate. I do miss the quality. I don't care where I find it. Sadly I've only found it online. Though its not here anymore. Life feels sorta unpopulated all around. Hence me coming here. Boredom. Desperation. Dunno. I have friends. But everyone feels more like just an acquaintance. Really empty relationships. I don't know how to improve the quality of hanging out with people. Maybe I've become really boring. Usually I'm funny. Especially offline, or perhaps in chats. I guess I enjoy hanging out in larger groups than one-on-one? Dunno what happened there. I used to really enjoy and cherish talking to people in person. Now I can't seem to find a way to break out of small talk. Yet when people are around I make a total fool of myself. People laugh. Its awesome. But that's all very opportunistic. And you get more opportunities with more people. I haven't intentionally tried to follow this path, but it happened. And now I realize I don't have people in my life I can confide in when I have problems. Which I hate. But I don't know what to do about it
So... lately I've been completely obsessing over music. The right songs can have hugely positive affects on your life. With the right song in your head you can do anything. Not saying it can control you. But can definitely amplify. Or make things feel more accute. Example: I've gotten into this band called Nick Black. They have this awesome visual appeal as each band member has a representitive avatar of them in a gothy anime-esque style. And they each are represented by an inverse card symbol. Nick being the King of Hearts. Suicide king as its been called. Their music speaks for itself. Its very good quality. Passionate, strong and hard. Its rock. I like it. But that's not what I'm getting at. Their main release is a song called "Sorry". But its not about being sorry. Its about not being sorry. In an interview that's up on youtube and their myspace Nick explains that the song is like "I messed up. And I was sorry. But now you've screwed up and hurt me too. So I'm not sorry anymore. Now we're even". Its not about holding a grudge or wollowing in guilt. Its about letting things go. There's a really dark music video that goes with it that really doesn't convey its message very well, but for dark gothy people the video itself is cool enough xD But in the interview Nick also explains the band's overall message. Life sucks. People hurt you. You hurt other people. Or let people walk all over you. We all know this and can relate to something or other about it. The whole point behind this band is not about Nick, or his band, its about not taking any crap anymore. Shit happens and life sucks, but don't let it get you.
And so I'm constantly on the hunt now. Mostly non-mainstream. Usually very "emo", but not in the sound. I like alternative vocal type rock. But its got to have a point, and has to be very good in quality. I can not stand screamo. But anyway. I just want good rock music that talks to me. Gets me through the day. Music has been the companion I can confide in. Which is sad and kind of scary, despite how fitting it is artistically. I want real companionship. I used to be love-sick. Since I've realized the value of friends, and know what people mean when they say things like "Bros before hos" and how friends can and will be there for you forever despite how your relationship may let you down. I'm friend-sick. And stifling that pain with music. But that's only a temporary fix. Hence me putting my phone number up on EoFF lol... I don't even need anything dramatic "I have to talk to you about how much my life sucks!" just... someone fun/funny sometimes to bullshit with. And don't get me wrong. I have to admit something. 'Cause sometimes people do talk to me. And I don't even know what to do with that anymore :( I'm sorry. So any efforts that went unappreciated. It just wasn't conveyed. It was appreciated. I'm just blah. I know you're there. And thank you. Y'all are awesome and I wish I could help us be closer :] Bear with me? I need to re-learn, or be taught again, the ways of internet fun :]
I'm gonna stop rambling now. Love hugs and kisses all around. Thank you for reading. You are special :D Bye byes and ta ta for now!
So... lately I've been completely obsessing over music. The right songs can have hugely positive affects on your life. With the right song in your head you can do anything. Not saying it can control you. But can definitely amplify. Or make things feel more accute. Example: I've gotten into this band called Nick Black. They have this awesome visual appeal as each band member has a representitive avatar of them in a gothy anime-esque style. And they each are represented by an inverse card symbol. Nick being the King of Hearts. Suicide king as its been called. Their music speaks for itself. Its very good quality. Passionate, strong and hard. Its rock. I like it. But that's not what I'm getting at. Their main release is a song called "Sorry". But its not about being sorry. Its about not being sorry. In an interview that's up on youtube and their myspace Nick explains that the song is like "I messed up. And I was sorry. But now you've screwed up and hurt me too. So I'm not sorry anymore. Now we're even". Its not about holding a grudge or wollowing in guilt. Its about letting things go. There's a really dark music video that goes with it that really doesn't convey its message very well, but for dark gothy people the video itself is cool enough xD But in the interview Nick also explains the band's overall message. Life sucks. People hurt you. You hurt other people. Or let people walk all over you. We all know this and can relate to something or other about it. The whole point behind this band is not about Nick, or his band, its about not taking any crap anymore. Shit happens and life sucks, but don't let it get you.
And so I'm constantly on the hunt now. Mostly non-mainstream. Usually very "emo", but not in the sound. I like alternative vocal type rock. But its got to have a point, and has to be very good in quality. I can not stand screamo. But anyway. I just want good rock music that talks to me. Gets me through the day. Music has been the companion I can confide in. Which is sad and kind of scary, despite how fitting it is artistically. I want real companionship. I used to be love-sick. Since I've realized the value of friends, and know what people mean when they say things like "Bros before hos" and how friends can and will be there for you forever despite how your relationship may let you down. I'm friend-sick. And stifling that pain with music. But that's only a temporary fix. Hence me putting my phone number up on EoFF lol... I don't even need anything dramatic "I have to talk to you about how much my life sucks!" just... someone fun/funny sometimes to bullshit with. And don't get me wrong. I have to admit something. 'Cause sometimes people do talk to me. And I don't even know what to do with that anymore :( I'm sorry. So any efforts that went unappreciated. It just wasn't conveyed. It was appreciated. I'm just blah. I know you're there. And thank you. Y'all are awesome and I wish I could help us be closer :] Bear with me? I need to re-learn, or be taught again, the ways of internet fun :]
I'm gonna stop rambling now. Love hugs and kisses all around. Thank you for reading. You are special :D Bye byes and ta ta for now!