*confused*
dear journal,
what to do?
i always end up talking about serious stuff at the wrong time.. mostly before bedtime with mark.
lately, i have been concerned if this was the right move to move up to illinois hoping to get a job - which hasn't happened yet.
my questions and answers..
me: can you give me a 100% sure answer that you will move to florida in one and a half years from now? i don't want to stay any longer.
mark: i will try.. that's all i can promise you
me: i need a 100% sure answer because you are making me nervous with that answer.
mark: all i can say is "i will try" because i don't know if i will be ready
me: what if i don't have a job by next year? what will we do? i want to move back if that happens
mark: i don't know..we will talk about it in the future. i want to go to sleep.
me: what will you do if i move without you?
mark: i'm not ready to move down there.. you need to think about what you need.
i don't know what to do anymore....
i'm scared... and confused... and nervous...
IF i move back home:
i would be living with my mom because i have no job and no money.. oh and no transportation.
i have no idea how i will bring all my stuff home. it took two trips to bring what i had up here.
i will miss mark a lot. i don't want to lose him.
i also need to get my life in order.. ugh
IF i stay...
i will have to continue looking for a job.
always worry what if this was a mistake.. what if he doesn't move to florida with me.. and i just wasted my life up here..
but what if he does move.. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
::: cries ::::
*nancy
what to do?
i always end up talking about serious stuff at the wrong time.. mostly before bedtime with mark.
lately, i have been concerned if this was the right move to move up to illinois hoping to get a job - which hasn't happened yet.
my questions and answers..
me: can you give me a 100% sure answer that you will move to florida in one and a half years from now? i don't want to stay any longer.
mark: i will try.. that's all i can promise you
me: i need a 100% sure answer because you are making me nervous with that answer.
mark: all i can say is "i will try" because i don't know if i will be ready
me: what if i don't have a job by next year? what will we do? i want to move back if that happens
mark: i don't know..we will talk about it in the future. i want to go to sleep.
me: what will you do if i move without you?
mark: i'm not ready to move down there.. you need to think about what you need.
i don't know what to do anymore....
i'm scared... and confused... and nervous...
IF i move back home:
i would be living with my mom because i have no job and no money.. oh and no transportation.
i have no idea how i will bring all my stuff home. it took two trips to bring what i had up here.
i will miss mark a lot. i don't want to lose him.
i also need to get my life in order.. ugh
IF i stay...
i will have to continue looking for a job.
always worry what if this was a mistake.. what if he doesn't move to florida with me.. and i just wasted my life up here..
but what if he does move.. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
::: cries ::::
*nancy