*hmm*
..dang it..I hate this..I hate it all...I regret everything I've done...is this how I'm gonna be the rest of my life..back and forth back and forth...good or bad..good or bad...I regret so much..and am happy about little that I've done in my life. I'm only 16 and it seems like I have more guilt in my head then alot of the adults I know...but then again most keep their problems to themselves...and last nite...wow last night..i gotta say I had a breakdown..I dont even know why..I just started thinking about EVERYTHING..and the more I thought the more I regretted..I wish I could take back soo much..and redo things..and just START OVER..but I cant..its not possible..I know alot of my friends are worried about me..and I'm sorry..I'm sorry I'm not pretending anymore..and if you dont like it I'm sorry..I can't pretend to be happy anymore..when I'm anything but...I've lost so much..and I know alot of other ppl have lost too...but it just seems like too much to deal w/..not to mention I have to go to school..keep up my grades..and all that crap..I cant! its too hard..well idk if its hard..but I just dont feel like trying anymore..I feel like giving up honestly...idk..I miss them..i miss him..alot!...why..omigosh why...i'm ready to..idk..but I'm ready for something new..something good..i wish I could talk to someone..but I can't anymore..I'm not able to trust like I used to be..too much as happened...idk anymore..well I love you my friends! thanx for sticking w/ me..I promise I really am trying to get over all this..its just..gonna take time..you'd think a year would have dulled the pain..it hasn't..along w/ all the other things..I really just can't think right now..I wish I could go home..but NO i'm stuck at stinky school..owell..ill update again lata---T