(no subject)
One difficulty for me around therawhatsit is that the week goes by in a flash and I often haven't really retained whatever was the discussion. And another complication is that a) i get almost no feedback here anymore and b) i'm not always sure i'd want to write here anyway.
Got really angry with her earlier today. I almost never have an answer to 'how do you feel,' much like Spock in Star Trek IV. But we ended up talking about how over on FB Joe had asked "what's the worst thing I've ever done to you" and most people responded with things like "live too far away" or "arrived at a party right when I was trying to leave," but I answered honestly with "convinced me I was only tolerated because I was decorative."
Sorry, but "how do you feel about that" has got to be one of the worst queries there -- I had JUST noted that I'd mentioned it in response to the query of what's the worst thing I did to you.
K has noticed that if I get angry with him it's almost always because he's not understanding something I think is obvious or have made clear.
This is something I really do need to start paying attention to.
As far as decorative goes, that was of course also informed by many years ago there was a public health worker who explained her rather incongruous neck tattoo with "when I turned 40 I turned invisible, and I didn't like it."
I'm still decorative, for the nonce, but I have somewhat less insecurity as to whether I'm only tolerated in exchange for that.
Somewhere in there we talked about "forgot to find a boy"
and how just about all of my life is inertia. That I might deliberately add people or locations but try very hard to not lose either. It's how I'm still in this apartment that on many levels I hate. It's how it took so very long to extricate myself from M and FFE, even when he hurt me so many times.
And I really need to make some phone calls. I guess I should stop typing. This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1751028.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.
Got really angry with her earlier today. I almost never have an answer to 'how do you feel,' much like Spock in Star Trek IV. But we ended up talking about how over on FB Joe had asked "what's the worst thing I've ever done to you" and most people responded with things like "live too far away" or "arrived at a party right when I was trying to leave," but I answered honestly with "convinced me I was only tolerated because I was decorative."
Sorry, but "how do you feel about that" has got to be one of the worst queries there -- I had JUST noted that I'd mentioned it in response to the query of what's the worst thing I did to you.
K has noticed that if I get angry with him it's almost always because he's not understanding something I think is obvious or have made clear.
This is something I really do need to start paying attention to.
As far as decorative goes, that was of course also informed by many years ago there was a public health worker who explained her rather incongruous neck tattoo with "when I turned 40 I turned invisible, and I didn't like it."
I'm still decorative, for the nonce, but I have somewhat less insecurity as to whether I'm only tolerated in exchange for that.
Somewhere in there we talked about "forgot to find a boy"
and how just about all of my life is inertia. That I might deliberately add people or locations but try very hard to not lose either. It's how I'm still in this apartment that on many levels I hate. It's how it took so very long to extricate myself from M and FFE, even when he hurt me so many times.
And I really need to make some phone calls. I guess I should stop typing. This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1751028.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.