Shivalikeobject
The announcy bits: Tomorrow (Saturday) Cousin Ami and I will return to Foggy Bottom after services at Adas Israel, figuring to get there around 1ish and be there til around 5ish. Text him on 646-4699743 for address. I'm thinking to go to Rich's God the One Man Show at 7 at Silver Spring UU church although who knows whether I will. Tuesday there's some possibility of an Alexandria shivalikeobject, and Thursday is definite at Lonebear's in Wheaton.
So last night was at Ben and Talya's and it was quiet and kinda exactly what I needed, modulo stress over whether people might drive through the terrible traffic and then not have a minyan. We didn't technically have a minyan but we had 10 humans capable of reading counting the 4 and 6 year old and not the baby (and shortly thereafter another two adult humans) and that realization made me more than sanguine with going ahead with actually saying kaddish, and it was really helpful to be able to lean against one of those humans during the third somewhat more surprise iteration.
Three of the adult humans I've known for 3 decades, another 4 for 2 decades, and one adult human for around a decade (she married my high school boyfriend), and the 13 year old . . . well, I remember her being in utero but I think I actually classed her as friend last night.
And yeah, technically we didn't have a miyan, but nobody there was going to mind and it was perfect.
And this evening was still kinda hard, that last time after saying Dad's name.
Still boggled to have run into Judith.
Right now I'm ... gah.
Cheryl is the one who called me on Sunday. Last night I used Talya's phone to send a note explaining how to check one's block list.
We had this conversation:
Me, 4:48p - ...Prob should talk with [stepmother] about notice/obit in the Post up here, also informing [apartment]. Can do these things but don't want to do so without some coordination. Also I don't know if he has an in memory charity. Should look to see if FSH maybe. And is there a funeral home site or a place people can post memories? His page isn't set up for that. I suppose I could create a Remembering page/group. Will talk with cousin.
Her: Definintely talk with Stepmother these are her decisions. You setting up a separate memory page / group would be a great idea. Stepmother would know of his favorite charity
Me: Have gotten some pictures from her but no words.
[as in, I've gotten a bunch of emails of a photo of a photo and no words, and I have sent notes back to some and gotten nothing, and I sent a text of 'how are you holding up' I guess on Monday and got 'ok' eventually. And I called around noon the other day (yesterday?) and woke her.]
Her: Try emailing her. She knows of your message to me now. I'll speak with the funeral home tomorrow
Me, 542p: OK. Do y'all have a timeline in mind for Florida stuff?
Her: No. [stepmother does not have a date now.]
Me,8:55p: OK. Sounds like I can cancel next week's flights and mostly figure I can make early April plans? (outside FL)
Her, 9:43p: ]Stepmother has not made plans for either location now. You need to email [stepmother]. I have forwarded her your texts
i have to come to some conclusions as to when I decide to say fsck it and work with Cousin to do something in DC.
Me, 946p: Thanks. I od not have Brain to compose email just now but will figure I can make DC plans the next few weeks and probably birthday plans for the 12th.
Her, 1027p: I'll see [stepmother] tomorrow.
... and then a few min ago I look at email and I have email from stepmother, replying to my reply of one of the pictures she sent:
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Stepmother
Date: Fri, Mar 22, 2019 at 9:57 PM
Subject: Re:email
To: Vval
You have my email address, right.....?
On Mar 20, 2019, at 5:54 PM, Vval wrote:
> Oh wow where is this? is that the boxer dad was keeping track of at one point back in 09?
>
> On Wed, Mar 20, 2019 at 12:46 AM Stepmother wrote:
>
>
[picture of Dad, with a dog]
I can't figure out how to reply to this without potentially being interpreted as snarky.
And honestly my first thought was fsck you, b*tch.
I'm leaning toward "yes..."
Bleh. Why the FSCK does this have to be so hard? I guess it might be a good thing, as receiving the various pictures was softening my heart enough I was starting to forgive her.
Edit: Or maybe "yes, but since you hadn't replied to my previous notes I was waiting until you were ready to communicate."
Edit: It has been suggested that I reply "of fucking course you fool" since I no longer have anything to lose. and "if you want to be long winded you add 'lets get through this and in a few weeks we will neve rhave to se each other again'"
these suggestions, if nothing else, do make me smile.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1692281.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.
So last night was at Ben and Talya's and it was quiet and kinda exactly what I needed, modulo stress over whether people might drive through the terrible traffic and then not have a minyan. We didn't technically have a minyan but we had 10 humans capable of reading counting the 4 and 6 year old and not the baby (and shortly thereafter another two adult humans) and that realization made me more than sanguine with going ahead with actually saying kaddish, and it was really helpful to be able to lean against one of those humans during the third somewhat more surprise iteration.
Three of the adult humans I've known for 3 decades, another 4 for 2 decades, and one adult human for around a decade (she married my high school boyfriend), and the 13 year old . . . well, I remember her being in utero but I think I actually classed her as friend last night.
And yeah, technically we didn't have a miyan, but nobody there was going to mind and it was perfect.
And this evening was still kinda hard, that last time after saying Dad's name.
Still boggled to have run into Judith.
Right now I'm ... gah.
Cheryl is the one who called me on Sunday. Last night I used Talya's phone to send a note explaining how to check one's block list.
We had this conversation:
Me, 4:48p - ...Prob should talk with [stepmother] about notice/obit in the Post up here, also informing [apartment]. Can do these things but don't want to do so without some coordination. Also I don't know if he has an in memory charity. Should look to see if FSH maybe. And is there a funeral home site or a place people can post memories? His page isn't set up for that. I suppose I could create a Remembering page/group. Will talk with cousin.
Her: Definintely talk with Stepmother these are her decisions. You setting up a separate memory page / group would be a great idea. Stepmother would know of his favorite charity
Me: Have gotten some pictures from her but no words.
[as in, I've gotten a bunch of emails of a photo of a photo and no words, and I have sent notes back to some and gotten nothing, and I sent a text of 'how are you holding up' I guess on Monday and got 'ok' eventually. And I called around noon the other day (yesterday?) and woke her.]
Her: Try emailing her. She knows of your message to me now. I'll speak with the funeral home tomorrow
Me, 542p: OK. Do y'all have a timeline in mind for Florida stuff?
Her: No. [stepmother does not have a date now.]
Me,8:55p: OK. Sounds like I can cancel next week's flights and mostly figure I can make early April plans? (outside FL)
Her, 9:43p: ]Stepmother has not made plans for either location now. You need to email [stepmother]. I have forwarded her your texts
i have to come to some conclusions as to when I decide to say fsck it and work with Cousin to do something in DC.
Me, 946p: Thanks. I od not have Brain to compose email just now but will figure I can make DC plans the next few weeks and probably birthday plans for the 12th.
Her, 1027p: I'll see [stepmother] tomorrow.
... and then a few min ago I look at email and I have email from stepmother, replying to my reply of one of the pictures she sent:
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Stepmother
Date: Fri, Mar 22, 2019 at 9:57 PM
Subject: Re:email
To: Vval
You have my email address, right.....?
On Mar 20, 2019, at 5:54 PM, Vval wrote:
> Oh wow where is this? is that the boxer dad was keeping track of at one point back in 09?
>
> On Wed, Mar 20, 2019 at 12:46 AM Stepmother wrote:
>
>
[picture of Dad, with a dog]
I can't figure out how to reply to this without potentially being interpreted as snarky.
And honestly my first thought was fsck you, b*tch.
I'm leaning toward "yes..."
Bleh. Why the FSCK does this have to be so hard? I guess it might be a good thing, as receiving the various pictures was softening my heart enough I was starting to forgive her.
Edit: Or maybe "yes, but since you hadn't replied to my previous notes I was waiting until you were ready to communicate."
Edit: It has been suggested that I reply "of fucking course you fool" since I no longer have anything to lose. and "if you want to be long winded you add 'lets get through this and in a few weeks we will neve rhave to se each other again'"
these suggestions, if nothing else, do make me smile.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1692281.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.