(no subject)
I really don't want to leave missouri.
My love language is touch. I"m of no use on the phone.
But it's another couple hundred dollars in airfare to extend the trip at all, even if I'm okay with missing the Canteen Dance (I am) and Pittstop (I am).
Because there was a great SWA flight sale I currently have flights on SWA to visit Dad (which was where I"d have been right now originally) on either Thanksgiving Day or the following week. The latter was less than $100 for the full round trip. 'Course then there's the whole rental car fun. And there's a caroling on the first weekend Dec I'd like to do, and of course there's all sorts of things in town and above Baltimore on Thanksgiving weekend, and maybe it would be good to be with Dad and maybe it doesn't matter.
But flying on Tday from here is 1) extending by 2 weeks, which seems like a lot and more importantly 2) involves 1.5 hrs drive to the airport. Which does not at all seem a good choice on this side.
But... grief. I feel so useless on the phone. I don't know how to be here for him without being a physical body.
And, honestly, there's so much hard for me on this side. My grief is still here, still so closely intertwined with guilt, reawakened by losing Keith, poked over and over by watching how recovery was supposed to be, being reminded of things that I somehow didn't make happen for Mom, envying the relationship P has with his mom, had with his dad.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1639800.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.
My love language is touch. I"m of no use on the phone.
But it's another couple hundred dollars in airfare to extend the trip at all, even if I'm okay with missing the Canteen Dance (I am) and Pittstop (I am).
Because there was a great SWA flight sale I currently have flights on SWA to visit Dad (which was where I"d have been right now originally) on either Thanksgiving Day or the following week. The latter was less than $100 for the full round trip. 'Course then there's the whole rental car fun. And there's a caroling on the first weekend Dec I'd like to do, and of course there's all sorts of things in town and above Baltimore on Thanksgiving weekend, and maybe it would be good to be with Dad and maybe it doesn't matter.
But flying on Tday from here is 1) extending by 2 weeks, which seems like a lot and more importantly 2) involves 1.5 hrs drive to the airport. Which does not at all seem a good choice on this side.
But... grief. I feel so useless on the phone. I don't know how to be here for him without being a physical body.
And, honestly, there's so much hard for me on this side. My grief is still here, still so closely intertwined with guilt, reawakened by losing Keith, poked over and over by watching how recovery was supposed to be, being reminded of things that I somehow didn't make happen for Mom, envying the relationship P has with his mom, had with his dad.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1639800.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.