I was sitting in history at 8:00 this morning and realized something horrible.
Throughout high school I was ready to play soccer everyday. I looked forward to it. I knew everyone else did too and everyone would pull their share of the team work. By my senior year, everyone wanted to win. In high school I had the mindset to become amazing the second my cleats were tied, and everyday, no matter how it had been going, I looked forward to putting on my cleats because I knew that when they were on I was it. Nothing could go wrong as long as my hands were in my gloves. I depended on soccer as my strong hold. Something I could do to relieve stress, keep in shape, and let all my troubles go so far away. It was my passion. That’s when I had something I was willing to do anything for, because I knew it would give everything back. I had a group of girls who would risk their safety to uphold mine. And they trusted, they knew, I would do everything in my power to do the same for them. I had respect from people everywhere. We all did. I became one of the players that opposing teams wonder about. I’d walk on the field at game time and others would gawk as they whispered “is that her? Really? That’s Anna Garrick? Wow…” That was a reputation I was given. I gained the trust of my team and held it so well, and kept it so strong that in return, my team made me incredible. Back then I was given something as a token of appreciation by my team. I was given strength, an attribute, a quality that only a few people on each team ever get. They gave me the drive to push harder when I was pushing my hardest; to take it a step further when there was no walking room. My team took it upon themselves to help me become better when I was at my best. We all did that for each other. We were more than a team. We became a family. Every one of us was willing to be friends when it came down to our game. We all had greatness. Those were the good times.
Suddenly my game became one that anyone could play. My lust for the sport was sucked away and the love I have for it is dwindling fast. It’s become a task I try to escape rather than the escape I’d conquer any task to get to. Now I have to concentrate to get my mind set for practice; then I was ready for a game everyday- anytime. Something I felt then isn’t here now. A couple of pieces of this puzzle have gone missing so now I can’t see the picture, I don’t know what it’s supposed to be, and I don’t know where to start looking for them. I don’t know exactly what’s missing. I don’t know any way of getting it back. For the first time in my life I dread putting my cleats on. I don’t want my hands in my gloves. I die a little more inside every time I wonder where everything went wrong and I get no answers as to how I can fix it- if I can fix it. And it kills me to know that it will never be the same. I’ll never get back what I had.
Suddenly my game became one that anyone could play. My lust for the sport was sucked away and the love I have for it is dwindling fast. It’s become a task I try to escape rather than the escape I’d conquer any task to get to. Now I have to concentrate to get my mind set for practice; then I was ready for a game everyday- anytime. Something I felt then isn’t here now. A couple of pieces of this puzzle have gone missing so now I can’t see the picture, I don’t know what it’s supposed to be, and I don’t know where to start looking for them. I don’t know exactly what’s missing. I don’t know any way of getting it back. For the first time in my life I dread putting my cleats on. I don’t want my hands in my gloves. I die a little more inside every time I wonder where everything went wrong and I get no answers as to how I can fix it- if I can fix it. And it kills me to know that it will never be the same. I’ll never get back what I had.