field trip memory
Woke up thinking about this field trip we went on when i was in Middle School.
I may have told this story before.
We went to Hidden Valley Ski Area. A lot of the kids were super excited about it. I didn't know how to ski, but it seemed like all the other kids did. Kinda just like football, all the boys played football all the time, and when we moved to Colorado from Texas, I don't think I'd ever even seen anyone play football before. It was another activity that all the kids did that I didn't know how to do, and another way that I didn't fit in, which is something that I desperately wanted to do throughout my miserable Middle School years.
Somehow I found out that there was ice skating there at Hidden Valley, and suddenly I thought I would be able to participate! I could go and skate instead. I think I had to call to find out how much it cost to rent the skates, and my parents were reluctant to give me the 13 bucks 'cause we were so poor, but they did.
So I went. I waited for all the kids to rent their ski boots and skis and buy their day passes, then when they were all done I rented some skates. After I put them on, the guy told me "actually the skate rink is closed" - I'm like, what? I don't know why he didn't tell me when I rented the skates. I was like why is it closed, and he was like "the skating rink is just like a pond out back, and it's not all the way frozen right now, so you can't skate on it." I tried to get my money back and he was really fucking snotty at me, and resisted, cause I guess there was some no refund policy, but he gave me my money back after some pleading.
So I sat there.
On the bench where you put on your ski boots.
I can remember it pretty well, cause I was there for a long time.
I asked the guy if there was somewhere to get some food, cause I got really hungry.
He said there was a restaurant at the top of the mountain, but you have to have a day pass and take the lift. I was like, well, can I walk down afterward, cause I can't ski, and he said no, it would be dangerous for the people skiing.
So I sat there on that bench, hungry, for many, many, many hours, while all the other kids skied and ate at the restaurant. Since I was alone for so long, and didn't see any of the other kids or the teacher who was watching everyone, I was really worried that I was going to get left behind. The people who worked there were extremely grumpy that I was just sitting there all day, I guess they felt like they weren't being paid to babysit, even though they weren't contributing to my wellbeing in any way.
I vaguely remember having to go outside to pee, cause they wouldn't let me use the restroom. I don't know why they were unnecessarily cruel. I felt like I gave off a sadsack vibe, and everyone knew that I didn't deserve to be treated with any respect at all.
I for sure didn't tell my parents that any of this happened, cause it was so hard to get them to agree for me to go, and to spend the money. I don't know if I told anyone cause it was really humiliating, and I felt like a loser.
This is a metaphor for my entire youth.
(posted to https://vuzh.dreamwidth.org/ crossposted to LiveJournal)
I may have told this story before.
We went to Hidden Valley Ski Area. A lot of the kids were super excited about it. I didn't know how to ski, but it seemed like all the other kids did. Kinda just like football, all the boys played football all the time, and when we moved to Colorado from Texas, I don't think I'd ever even seen anyone play football before. It was another activity that all the kids did that I didn't know how to do, and another way that I didn't fit in, which is something that I desperately wanted to do throughout my miserable Middle School years.
Somehow I found out that there was ice skating there at Hidden Valley, and suddenly I thought I would be able to participate! I could go and skate instead. I think I had to call to find out how much it cost to rent the skates, and my parents were reluctant to give me the 13 bucks 'cause we were so poor, but they did.
So I went. I waited for all the kids to rent their ski boots and skis and buy their day passes, then when they were all done I rented some skates. After I put them on, the guy told me "actually the skate rink is closed" - I'm like, what? I don't know why he didn't tell me when I rented the skates. I was like why is it closed, and he was like "the skating rink is just like a pond out back, and it's not all the way frozen right now, so you can't skate on it." I tried to get my money back and he was really fucking snotty at me, and resisted, cause I guess there was some no refund policy, but he gave me my money back after some pleading.
So I sat there.
On the bench where you put on your ski boots.
I can remember it pretty well, cause I was there for a long time.
I asked the guy if there was somewhere to get some food, cause I got really hungry.
He said there was a restaurant at the top of the mountain, but you have to have a day pass and take the lift. I was like, well, can I walk down afterward, cause I can't ski, and he said no, it would be dangerous for the people skiing.
So I sat there on that bench, hungry, for many, many, many hours, while all the other kids skied and ate at the restaurant. Since I was alone for so long, and didn't see any of the other kids or the teacher who was watching everyone, I was really worried that I was going to get left behind. The people who worked there were extremely grumpy that I was just sitting there all day, I guess they felt like they weren't being paid to babysit, even though they weren't contributing to my wellbeing in any way.
I vaguely remember having to go outside to pee, cause they wouldn't let me use the restroom. I don't know why they were unnecessarily cruel. I felt like I gave off a sadsack vibe, and everyone knew that I didn't deserve to be treated with any respect at all.
I for sure didn't tell my parents that any of this happened, cause it was so hard to get them to agree for me to go, and to spend the money. I don't know if I told anyone cause it was really humiliating, and I felt like a loser.
This is a metaphor for my entire youth.
(posted to https://vuzh.dreamwidth.org/ crossposted to LiveJournal)