Take care luv <3
anonymous
March 27 2009, 21:12:37 UTC
Such a random thing that I happened to read your blog. You seem to be year older than me and live totally other side of the world. Nevermind.
Your life sounds interesting with all the guys. Guys are hard. I never understood guys in middle school, high school. Then suddenly start saying im pretty when i go to college. Like you could nver understand whats inside guys head when they stare at you. Then they get pissed, angry and no idea whys that. Ive been called bitch, slut, anything imaginable basically. Think all you can do for yourself as gal is not to care too much what others (especially guys) think.
I really hate gaining weight aswell. Makes feel really bulky and sad. Ive got 10lbs this year! So much! :-( Im not overweight or anything but just that clothes dont fit and dont have money to buy new ones.
What about the guys you live with? Your ex? Are you ok being just friends with him? If youre not youve got to say that to him and ask him to leave or something. Youre hurting yourself otherwise! And even if it is important to him to get to do few last months of college.. Hes getting something from it, you should too!
Anyways. Sorry for this being so random. Take care of yourself! <3
Re: Take care luv <3vultrixMarch 28 2009, 02:46:48 UTC
Wow! Thanks for posting your thoughts. Yeah, guys are funny.
I'm not really okay with him living with me. We were friends after we broke up.. thats how I ended up helping him out recently, but because of this I relised that my side of the friendship is based way to much on my emotions and feelings... I explained that to him recently too, and told him that when he moves out he was no longer allowed to be in my life, not because it's his fault or anything, but I can't be friends with him anymore, and since I can't have what I really want, he needs to stay away from me completely....
He was very upset and shocked by this, because he cares for me, and I'm one of the few people he has let close to him, he doesn't wanna lose someone thats close to him.... but he's seemed to except it recently or stopped thinking about it and will come to that hurdle when he moves out.
Anywho... I'm 2 sided, because I feel so comfortable around him, my home FEELS like home when hes there too. It'll be a different world once he's out of my life. And all his stuff gone, like someone I loved has died. But while I feel happy having him around and living with me... I want him gone because it's not real, the longer he's there, the stronger the pain will feel when I have to come to terms with it.
That I have explained this to him as well.
The main reason I broke up with him is because I know in my heart he doesn't love me... and one day he'll meet a girl who inspires him that way.. and knowing him, he wouldn't know how to handle his attachment to me, and what he could have with her...
I believe in being with the one you love... even if it's never worked out for me... and especially in this case, I whould want that for him, but I don't want the emotional turmoil and pain of being left behind... that why I dumped him.
But now having him living with me, has also taught me I can't have him in my life at all... I'll never move on, and always be waiting if he's still in my life.
This lesson learned IS something I'm getting out of all of this... but I should get something more too... I should care about myself more to push for that.. but I don't know what he could possibly give me, or I could want out of this...
What would be a even exchange for pain? Pain for Pain? What could possible be givin to me as balence for the pain and hurt I suffer?... Hmm.. I'll ask him tomarrow, and see what he says.
LOL! Thats a funny a of looking at it. It's like alchemy.
Hon! Vultrix's emotional pain= Ex finishing college and having a fondation. Ex's ____________= Vultrix___________ LOL.. still comes back to me not knowing what I want. HAH!
Your life sounds interesting with all the guys. Guys are hard. I never understood guys in middle school, high school. Then suddenly start saying im pretty when i go to college. Like you could nver understand whats inside guys head when they stare at you. Then they get pissed, angry and no idea whys that. Ive been called bitch, slut, anything imaginable basically. Think all you can do for yourself as gal is not to care too much what others (especially guys) think.
I really hate gaining weight aswell. Makes feel really bulky and sad. Ive got 10lbs this year! So much! :-( Im not overweight or anything but just that clothes dont fit and dont have money to buy new ones.
What about the guys you live with? Your ex? Are you ok being just friends with him? If youre not youve got to say that to him and ask him to leave or something. Youre hurting yourself otherwise! And even if it is important to him to get to do few last months of college.. Hes getting something from it, you should too!
Anyways. Sorry for this being so random. Take care of yourself! <3
Reply
I'm not really okay with him living with me. We were friends after we broke up.. thats how I ended up helping him out recently, but because of this I relised that my side of the friendship is based way to much on my emotions and feelings... I explained that to him recently too, and told him that when he moves out he was no longer allowed to be in my life, not because it's his fault or anything, but I can't be friends with him anymore, and since I can't have what I really want, he needs to stay away from me completely....
He was very upset and shocked by this, because he cares for me, and I'm one of the few people he has let close to him, he doesn't wanna lose someone thats close to him.... but he's seemed to except it recently or stopped thinking about it and will come to that hurdle when he moves out.
Anywho... I'm 2 sided, because I feel so comfortable around him, my home FEELS like home when hes there too. It'll be a different world once he's out of my life. And all his stuff gone, like someone I loved has died. But while I feel happy having him around and living with me... I want him gone because it's not real, the longer he's there, the stronger the pain will feel when I have to come to terms with it.
That I have explained this to him as well.
The main reason I broke up with him is because I know in my heart he doesn't love me... and one day he'll meet a girl who inspires him that way.. and knowing him, he wouldn't know how to handle his attachment to me, and what he could have with her...
I believe in being with the one you love... even if it's never worked out for me... and especially in this case, I whould want that for him, but I don't want the emotional turmoil and pain of being left behind... that why I dumped him.
But now having him living with me, has also taught me I can't have him in my life at all... I'll never move on, and always be waiting if he's still in my life.
This lesson learned IS something I'm getting out of all of this... but I should get something more too... I should care about myself more to push for that.. but I don't know what he could possibly give me, or I could want out of this...
What would be a even exchange for pain? Pain for Pain? What could possible be givin to me as balence for the pain and hurt I suffer?... Hmm.. I'll ask him tomarrow, and see what he says.
LOL! Thats a funny a of looking at it. It's like alchemy.
Hon!
Vultrix's emotional pain= Ex finishing college and having a fondation.
Ex's ____________= Vultrix___________
LOL.. still comes back to me not knowing what I want. HAH!
Reply
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