Fanfic: Pokemon: Gaining from Loss - Chapter 8

[vulpixi_misa]

[Gaining From Loss] - Chapter 8 (Final)
Length: Chapter - Complete
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Warning(s): BL, Swearing
Character(s): Ash, Paul, others
Pairing(s): Paul x Ash
Summary: After thrown into certain situations, Ash and Paul must work together to get back what was lost and make it out alive.
Author's Notes: This is the

Comments

[zin0]

MISAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! OHMYGOOOOD YOU FINISHED IT!! You could have warned me a little i almost had a heart attack this morning when I saw what you had posted (and then ofc was late for school because there was NO WAY i was gonna wait any longer before reading this)! I was just talking to Kirika yesterday how I didn't know what to offer you so you'd write coma just one more time and then this happens. I can't even begin to describe how happy i was and still am, I knew my waiting wasn't for nothing! Alright, since this is probably my favorite multichapter comafic I am going to comment the whole fic now that it's finished, because my earlier comments from years ago are awful and short.

So! The first chapter- I know I've said this about thousand times already but the way you write Ash and Paul is just... I don't know, magnificent? No one writes them better than you! Your Ash isn't just dense goofball but has pride and doesn't let Paul just insult him without saying/doing anything back. And I feel like he isn't full deredere who just wants to be friends with Paul, but the start of their relationship has some let's say... aggressive tones as well (sorry i am bad at explaining, it's been too long since I've written character analyses to my comments :'D). And Paul, damn if I love the way you write Ash, I'm in love with your Paul. Like, he's jerk, but not like jerk-jerk. He tries to ignore Ash, but isn't some kind of cold hearted bastard who just lets Ash to fall without catching him. And I may as well say it here - i love the whole plot of this fic, the two of them surviving on their own and growing closer in process (yes, i am sucker for this kind of stories).

Chapter two! Ash landing on top of Paul was golden! I liked the reference to that episode (and Ash even mentioning that it felt familiar). Also here again, I love how Paul gives Ash advice how to survive the fall and even when he lands first, he right away tries to see whether Ash made it down safe or not, rather than just ignoring the other's safety. And somehow it was so Ash to come down screaming and generally not being on the top of his falling game, like Paul was. Yeah yeah i already said it before but your Paul<33 he doesn't start to shout at Ash for landing on top of him but acts really calm instead. You write the best Paul, dammnn. And if in first chapter Ash was rather "aggressive" (bad choice of words gomen) in this chapter comes the bit where he asks for Paul's help and sucks up his pride. ALSO there's the part where:

“I’m only helping you so you can get your Pikachu back. That’s the only thing you’re good for anyway.”

Ash smiled silently to himself. Despite the insult, he was really glad that Paul would be willing to help him in time of need.

And I'll come to this later, but probably the saddest part of this fic are the parts where Ash actually feels like he's useless/failed somehow. I mean he doesn't get all upset here because of Paul's words but is rather happy instead because Paul agrees to help, but still I feel like feeling is already looming here. ... ok i have no idea what I'm explaining anymore, next chapter(s)!

LOL LJ IS TELLING ME MY COMMENT IS TOO LONG OH MAN, SO END OF PART 1

[zin0]

What I probably like the most in your Paul (ok i like all the things when it comes your paul) is the way he shows his kindness. Like little things - Ash is hungry - Paul gets him some apples, but in a way that still seems like he's pissed off because of Ash. But again, he still acts nice, and no matter how hard he tries to act like Ash is just a total burden, he still finds himself helping his rival all the time. (Yeeep yeep so he needed Ash's help as well because no pokemon with him BUT STILL he could be colder if he wanted, but he isn't!) Aaaand I like how Ash is still a but bummed he has to hang out with Paul of all people, and not see this as a 100% opportunity to befriend his rival or something. AND I ADORE when Ash is left speechless when Paul shows him some kindness (apple scene for example), like he's just stunned the other can actually be nice on his own way (also it's kinda sad that Ash thinks that Paul never shows him any kindness, I mean yeah I get why he thinks so, but still).

Paul is Paul, no matter what you’re going through. He’s equally as lost as you are and he’s helping you, so you might as well not do anything stupid that might make him angry---

Here it is again, Ash thinking he shouldn't do anything stupid to make Paul angry. Like if does a goofy/stupid thing X with his friends, he probably doesn't think it's stupid, but when Paul's around Ash suddenly is more self aware of his own doings and how the other might think of them. I just feel like Paul ignoring/insulting him gets to him more than Paul even understands. And it's kinda a new side of Ash, he doesn't just get angry when Paul insults him but little depressed instead. I like it, because I feel like it brings something more to Ash's character. And yeah, it was a thing in dp too but it feels like you made it even better here! (i need to stop analyzing right nOW)

That mightyena part is one of my fav from this fic! Paul trying to protect Ash, and Ash still not believing any of that and thinking Paul's gonna use him as a bait instead. But being Ash it's not like he was gonna leave Paul to danger after all (hnggg seriously the two of them protecting each other!!!! I AM DEAD) AND THEN HANDHOLDING. okay, first wristholding, but damn you really know how make me die multiple times. Coma + hand/wristholding =insta KO.

END OF PART 2

[zin0]

“Don’t let go.” Paul muttered.

Ash thought he meant “don’t let go of your breath” but then the grip on his wrist slid down to his hand and suddenly he felt horrible for thinking Paul would betray him.

THAT PART OHGODDD. the "don't let go", I just HNGDKFSDLSKDJKF SERISOULSY HNGGGG. I guess part of that part's impact is the fact that Paul's been pretty unsocial with Ash so far and then suddenly he's holding his hand and telling him not to let go. Also I feel like this kinda the turning point, where Ash stops thinking Paul is ... eeh what's the word again... well "bad" guy and starts seeing that he can actually be nice. Anyway, this whole end to the fourth chapter is awesome and I send you million kilos of cookies for writing it!!!

Ash didn’t notice until now that their hands were still clasp together. He felt a little thump in the back of his heart but he just figured it was from the adrenaline of being chased and escaping.

Continued handholding even when the danger is already over<333 And I understand Ash, if Paul was holding my hand I'd feel a thump in my heart too. You just write the interaction so natural and their feelings come across really nicely and not overly fluffy. It's almost like a friendship kind of thing, but you can sense something more behind it (thank you shipper goggles!). And gotta love that even when Paul has done some nice things for Ash (healing his arm a little), he still uses (the excuse!) "you're gonna be more useless if don't do these things to you" thing to justify his actions. Such good tsun, just the right amount! :D AND THE WHOLE PAUL CARRYING ASH PART AAAAAA WHY DO YOU WRITE EVERYTHING SO PERFECTLY!? This is the most feels worthy comafic ever!

And then the part where they are by the fire and Ash saying he's sorry for slowing Paul down again, and I don't know Ash just... it's cute and sad at the same time how he puts himself to so low. Like in first chapter he was all "watch it!" with Paul but now he's just "sorry" for the things he keeps doing. I think it also shows how Ash wants Paul to respect him and feels upset everytime he messes up, because the respect thing goes further and further away (or so Ash thinks.) (oops i thought I said i was gonna stop with the analyse and just fangirl the rest of the comment BECAUSE THIS FIC IS SO GREAT DID I ALREADY TELL YOU THAT!?)

Not that Ash had any problems with his confidence but when it came to his rival, he just wanted Paul to recognize him; recognition not only in the sense of a trainer but also as a person. He didn’t like how the other would pretend not to know him sometimes or ignore him completely in front of everyone else.

In the sixth chapter that something stirring in Paul's heart!! I like how when Paul saved Ash, Ash was getting the dokis and now when Paul thinks of Ash saving him back then HE'S GETTING THE DOKIS. And the usual denial that comes with it. Anyway it's good to see Paul is finally getting out of his Ash-is-useless mindset, even a little. The best of the best of the beeeeeest part of this fic is the character development. Never does it feel rushed or forced even when this isn't the longest fic around. It's just perfect. LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS (though no kissu BUT I CAN LIVE WITH THAT)! Because you give us Paul laughing!! Ash keeps messing up for so long Paul finally gives in and laughs (and starts to think his rival's clumsiness is actually cute BD)

The Veilstone trainer made a motion with his hand, but this time, Ash saw that Paul’s eyes had averted elsewhere. The only possible conclusion Ash could draw was that Paul wanted him to take his hand.

END OF PART 3

[zin0]

THEN MORE HANDHOLDING, MISAAAA MY WEAK SPOTS!!! Heheee i like how it's Paul the both times that wants to hold hands (Ash wouldn't probably dare to even suggest it). It's just so sweet!! how they say, the harder the tsun, sweeter the dere. Deffo the case here! And excuses like "you don't how to walk, hold my hand" makes it even better and PAUL NOT LOOKING AT ASH! So he doesn't think it's purely so that they can walk faster BDD HNGG ASh getting the huge dokis bc of their handholding! Yes the ending of chapter six is also one of my fav moments in this fic, because Paul's reddening ears! (uuung i am almost out of energy sorry if the comment gets crappy for now on)

alright my comment for the seventh chapter was somewhat decent so i am just gonna say that the top moments of this chapter were when a) ash finally understood paul better (that he too cared about his pokemon) b)

The Veilstone trainer shook his head from the mental image but for some reason he continued to stare at the water dripping down Ash’s tan neck. Paul swallowed the nervous lump that accumulated in his throat and looked away. What was that all about?

PAUL GETTING THE HOTS!!! Ash smiling sheepishly and Paul being all "oh no he's hot" (even though it doesn't say that i read Paul like a book here !!! :'D)

He wasn’t sure when he noticed it, but Ash’s smile was quite charming. It was kind of childish, full of innocence and spunk, but that pretty much described Ash. The Veilstone boy did recall several times when Ash would direct a grin towards him but Paul always found a way to erase it. He wondered why he could not stop staring at it now.

MORE HOTS! It's like suddenly Paul notices all these things about Ash (about how good he looks). It's goes together with my headcanon for them (who notices who first) so i am pleased! And Paul is still super IC, well it's probably a common knowledge already that you can't even write them OOC even if you tried! Oh yeah was I making a list of my fav part, okay so c) Ash blushing when their handholding is brought to attention. So the both of them did think something more of it (even when they tried to rationally explain things to themselves hehee). d) Paul saying "Ash", in fact the whole escape from the TR balloon is such an emotional part. Maybe it's the danger or the fact that they actually get along now, but it's different from the mightyena attack, this one feels a lot more calmer (hehe more ship heavy too). Gotta copypaste my favorite line from the fic again:

“I’m sorry. I messed up again.”

I just... i frikking LOVE that line! Ash's has said plenty of sorries in this fic, but now they were finally starting to feel like a equal duo and Paul isn't really mad at him anymore, so that sorry part just... MY HEART! It hurts my heart so much (because of all the right reasons), but i lovelovelovelove that part. And the whole falling, and handholding part. Suck emotional impact on me! Also when they are falling and Paul calls Ash useless again but with a smile this time. THEY HAVE COME SUCH A LONG WAY IN SUCH A SHORT TIME *SOBS* and still EVERYTHING'S SO NATURAL!

Ok this comment is starting to be longer than some of my fics... But hey only chapter 8 left!! (after that long wait *sobs again* did i tell you already that i love you for finishing this, even when you haven't written coma for so long anymore <33 (....now i am also starting to hope you'll write more coma in the future too... because you are the best writer this fandom has)

END OF PART 4 (this is ridiculous)

[zin0]

My first reaction when reading the last chapter: GODDAMN COCKBLOCK DAWN AND BROCK! I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH AT THAT SCENE I WAS SURE SOME WORDS WERE GONNA BE SAID BUT THEN THE FUCKING KNOCK ON THE DOOR! Okay but anyway, beautiful end to this beautiful fic! Ash not wanting to his time with Paul to come to an end even when in the beginning he found the company rather unpleasant. And Paul too, STILL trying to convince himself that "hurdur i was only using ash i am not lonely without him", STOP THE DENIAL! It's cute how they both feel they don't want things to go back to the pre-this fic era, (even when Paul especially is STRONG with his denial) where they were JUST rivals. I have to say, now that i remember, that the name for this fic is really matching and perfect. You couldn't have picked a better one. :D oH BOY then the whole Paul-Pikachu conversation. Idk, I love when Paul talks about Ash to other persons (or pokemon) because he forgets to act as tsun as what he is when talking to Ash. And things regarding to Ash come out more gentle (whether Paul wants them to come or not)

They even almost go back to the chapter 1 Ash and Paul where Ash shouts again and Paul is acting all cold. Ok gotta quote some my fav part of this final chapter:

He wasn’t sure if it was evident what he was thinking, or Paul just knew, because the other leaned in and whispered lightly.

“I hadn’t let go back then. I could have left you, but I didn’t. You trusted me back then, why can’t you now?”

PAUL'S LINE KILLED ME (how many death was that already) aND GAVE me serious goosebumps! This, I know I talked about this in comment for chapter 7, but these kind of small scenes, nothing overly shippy, and yet FEELS! You are really a master of these, small and efficient!!!

ALSO:

“I don’t want you to leave.”

It was almost too low for him to hear but Paul heard it. His throat felt dry and he had no idea how to react to the confession.

ASHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAA. Winner line of this chapter (heheee i loved it so much i even ended up doodling fanart of this scene in the class)! I can't even explain why i love this part so much, it just hits all the right feels and andd... the fucking knock on the door. Before Paul could answer anything. But that's your style in coma, there aren't really any big shippy moments and everything is usually left pretty open. BUT I LOVE YOUR FICS THE MOST ANYWAY! Even if "nothing" (it's pretty wrong to say nothing happens in your fics because suff DOES happen, but nothing = kissy etc.) happens, your fics are never just G- rated friendshippy stuff. In fact, it's like comashipping itself. No touching, no shinji calling satoshi by his name, but they are still incredibly shippy. Just like your fics. Good stuff.

AND THEN THE ENDING. I am glad, i am soo glad. They shake hands, they acknowledge each other, Paul ACCEPTS the friendship (seriously if you had written that ending where he doesn't and never wrote the sequel I.....) and I feel Ash can finally stop feeling inferior and thinking he's stupid when he messes up in front of Paul. Perfect.

Oh boy wow now I remember why I stopped writing long comments for fics, this seriously kills the man. But this is special case and I felt like I had to show my gratitude to you somehow :'D I am sorry for (wrongly) over analysing everything, I don't even remember anymore what I have written here and I am not going to read this comment over again.... you can just ignore everything else except the OMG THIS FIC IS THE BEST AND YOU ARE THE BEST parts!

SO summa summarium: I love this fic, I love the plot, I love the characters, I love the development, I love you for writing this. Sorry if I couldn't explain things better and sorry if this whole comment is a giant mess, but I tried. Also maybe hoping you will write some more coma in the future.

AND SORRY FOR CHOPPING THIS COMMENT TO PIECES I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A 4300 CHARA LIMIT

[vulpixi_misa]

*SCREAMS* THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE THING TO WAKE UP TO??? ;w;
Oh gosh Zino I'm just- I have no words, I'm so happy that you like it that much because I was sure it was going to disappoint after so long. Ahhhhhhhhhh

I'm surprised you were able to analyze so much in these two. I love reading all of it. I wished I made Ash more capable because I know he is IRL but a part of me likes seeing him mess up around Paul, and the other part of me wants Paul to take care of him. XP

IM SORRY FOR THE COCKBLOCK. I still wasn't ready to write anything more than extreme friendship with underlying feelings. Will I ever be ready? Who knows.

Actually I decided to finally get around to posting it because I was playing your Kokoro no Fanfare. Oh man, I got serious dokis when I got to the head pat scene. >w<

[zin0]

You could never disappoint when it comes to your writing?!! (lol my analyzes! But yeah, nothing wrong with wanting to Paul take care of Ash! I want it too!!)

Aah, excellent, so the demo did do something good then! :D (Let me tell you everytime I try to come up with something that happens in Paul's route it's always like: "Oh this could be cool! ...Oh wait, Misa already wrote that." I shouldn't have put them in the forest, everything hits too close to this fic! :'D