My Assesment
Tomorrow it will have been two days since we last spoke. I'm slowly realizing that I am the glue that held us together. Of course, I'm also this us I speek of, there isn't any us, only the dellusion I like to believe is us. God, what is happening to me? I haven't tried to contact him just to see what would happen, and now I wish I hadn't, because I have a feeling that if I don't try and contact him, I won't be hearing shit from him any time soon. It kind of hurts, you know? I'm so emotional, but I'm finding that I'm only this emotional over him. Amy says it's pointless, that it's stupid for me to be caring this much about him, I just don't know. Remy is scared that I am going to leave him for George, and I would, if George were even there when I left him, but he wouldn't be, just as he isn't now. I laugh now thinking of my love for him, I never could explain it, but then, I'm slowly realizing that perhaps my assesment of him has also been a dellusion. I always think of him and I as us, but there is no us, it's simply a dellusion of my own mind. But then, perhaps the person that I think him to be is also a dellusion. Perhaps I've just been fooling myself. I can feel the tears rising in my eyes and I feel that though I laugh over my own foolishness, it still hurts, so bad. Where is he? Why hasn't he even tried to contact me? Do I cling too much to something that does not even exist? I feel that if it did exist, I wouldn't have to cling, it would all just come naturally. But then, perhaps even the possibility of such is also a dellusion. God, fuck it. I'm tired and waiting at this damned computer for him just isn't helping at all.