(no subject)
Erin has been driving me nuts
It's not even just her overall sheepish
manipulative 'well they labeled me crazy now, so i will take that to the moon' thing
it's mostly just the
not cleaning up after herself
or the baby
and the eating and wasting and giving food to the dogs
and i really can't handle the way my parents
well,
handle it.
my mother will never, ever think that anything Erin does
is the least bit wrong.
she could shit in my cereal
and my mom would say 'shez lyke sOoO manic'
and she will never, ever reprimand Erin for things
so essentially, she thinks it's our duty to pick up after Erin
and it's our responsibility to include her in outings with
our friends
and it's our job to just make Erin feel like nothing she ever does, has done, and will do, is annoying, mean, stupid, or just wrong.
and my dad
he just takes everything to the point
that erin doesn't listen anymore.
he yells and screams and insults her to the point that she thinks it's all just an attack
and i do believe she needs to get her ass kicked
by somebody
somewhere
and be told that her life
really is not that bad
and she personally has made others' lives far worse than hers
for example:
a year and a half of occassional fights with a man she could leave anytime
vs.
10 years of verbal and physical abuse almost every single day with apathetic parents and nowhere to go
but it's not my dad's place to make her feel threatened constantly.
and you know what
no
i'm not ready to forgive her
i'm not ready to dig deep and say
"hey, that's alright.
i absolutely hated myself until i was 15
and after that
you used my parents for money and other resources
but yet you wouldn't call just to talk
or try to maybe, patch things up
or something.
instead, you know, i think it was really a good idea
for you to come move into the house
with your teething, spoiled, crying baby
change everything while i was away on vacation
mess with my shit
wear my things
and then have this attitude toward me
like i'm some evil monster
before i've even been given a chance to speak
making my parents believe that everything i have to say is malicious.
so now i'm constantly trying to foolishly and hopelessly redeem myself
and prove myself in their eyes
again
which i gave up years ago
because it made me feel like hell
because really
who tells a child that they will never succeed in life
immediately following them opening a letter about a college scholarship in the 10th grade?
plus
you always puts the damn baby on me for no reason
to get on the computer
or something
but i just wanted you to know
that really
lets let things be.
you're an amazing person
and i'm really glad that you're making these last few months
before i go to college
the best they could be."
i don't think i can be the better person.
i don't.
i can't forgive somebody like that.
It's not even just her overall sheepish
manipulative 'well they labeled me crazy now, so i will take that to the moon' thing
it's mostly just the
not cleaning up after herself
or the baby
and the eating and wasting and giving food to the dogs
and i really can't handle the way my parents
well,
handle it.
my mother will never, ever think that anything Erin does
is the least bit wrong.
she could shit in my cereal
and my mom would say 'shez lyke sOoO manic'
and she will never, ever reprimand Erin for things
so essentially, she thinks it's our duty to pick up after Erin
and it's our responsibility to include her in outings with
our friends
and it's our job to just make Erin feel like nothing she ever does, has done, and will do, is annoying, mean, stupid, or just wrong.
and my dad
he just takes everything to the point
that erin doesn't listen anymore.
he yells and screams and insults her to the point that she thinks it's all just an attack
and i do believe she needs to get her ass kicked
by somebody
somewhere
and be told that her life
really is not that bad
and she personally has made others' lives far worse than hers
for example:
a year and a half of occassional fights with a man she could leave anytime
vs.
10 years of verbal and physical abuse almost every single day with apathetic parents and nowhere to go
but it's not my dad's place to make her feel threatened constantly.
and you know what
no
i'm not ready to forgive her
i'm not ready to dig deep and say
"hey, that's alright.
i absolutely hated myself until i was 15
and after that
you used my parents for money and other resources
but yet you wouldn't call just to talk
or try to maybe, patch things up
or something.
instead, you know, i think it was really a good idea
for you to come move into the house
with your teething, spoiled, crying baby
change everything while i was away on vacation
mess with my shit
wear my things
and then have this attitude toward me
like i'm some evil monster
before i've even been given a chance to speak
making my parents believe that everything i have to say is malicious.
so now i'm constantly trying to foolishly and hopelessly redeem myself
and prove myself in their eyes
again
which i gave up years ago
because it made me feel like hell
because really
who tells a child that they will never succeed in life
immediately following them opening a letter about a college scholarship in the 10th grade?
plus
you always puts the damn baby on me for no reason
to get on the computer
or something
but i just wanted you to know
that really
lets let things be.
you're an amazing person
and i'm really glad that you're making these last few months
before i go to college
the best they could be."
i don't think i can be the better person.
i don't.
i can't forgive somebody like that.