No Brand Con: Marginally Awesomer Than Neil
Time to clear out the backlog of procrastination! Actually, to be fair, I didn't have the time to finish this out before this past weekend... So although we just got done with Anime Central, I still owe you a No Brand Con report. Without any more excuses, here's the lowdown from this year's No Brand Con!
This was an oddly relaxing wild weekend. Yes, not only does that sound dumb, but it's quite oxymoronic. We had some immense fun in between relaxing breaks and smooth hilarity. No Brand Con is a blast every year... and here's why it was this time around.
Thursday
The trip out was very easy, if a bit tiring... Nowadays, a 5-hour drive is almost too short. But this time I was coming off the busy week of restocking and packing after Tekkoshocon the weekend before. Having 1 day off in a week of 14-hour-long workdays takes a bit of a toll. At least the toll road up to Wisconsin was smooth with completed construction and the amazingly nice I-Pass RFID toll collection system. (Open Road Tolling is your friend - embrace the e-life!) After setting up in amazingly quick fashion, again thanks to the new boxes, I got a welcomed call from the FFA Army of girls (from Anime Detour). And yet for only being 2 miles away from the site, they arrived somewhere about an hour later. I haven't heard anyone getting more lost like that since my battles with the Ohio River in the fall... At least everyone arrived safely, including the wordsmith of Studio ONY, script_monkey. And... here's another cheap plug for those that only click 1 in 3 links. Otaku~no~Yen
Toward the tail end of Thursday's setup time, I was pulled aside by the staff member in charge of this year's No Brand Con MAN Auction. I was a little surprised considering that I was not contacted about it before. The higher-ups decided that after two years of nearly identical lineups, it was time to shake things up a bit. But after one fool dropped out for ditching the convention, I was invited to fill the gap. And of course, I can always pack it in when the opening presents itself.
(Yeah, the whole weekend kinda turned out that way. After opening that mental can of worms... Pringles said it best - once you pop, you can't stop... though maybe Ron Jeremy said that, too.)
Friday
Setup went longer than I expected, but smoothly. During the good times of selling things, I had the opportunity to meander a bit... and picked up an awesome set of miniature 1.5" x 2.5" playing cards. Also, at one point while I was perusing Vinnk's table of Japanese CDs, a girl walked up to me. Meekly, she said, "Hug?" It took me a second to realize what the question was, but the rosy embarrased cheeks and extended arms kinda clued me in quickly. After giving the shy girl a hug, I plugged the upcoming MAN Auction. "You can buy me in the MAN Auction." She quietly replied, "I plan to." That was really flattering, and set some of my reservations aside about this year's appearance.
I was nervous about this one for a few reasons:
I was unadvertised, so no one knew I was going to be in it. How many bids would I really attract? After 2005's $15.50 and 2006's $35, has my stock price continued to increase? Neither of my winners have cashed in on dinner, and only one danced with me. Would that embarrassing streak continue? Neil would not be in this year's auction, so who can we taunt this year???
The MAN Auction
The men were lined up and seated at the back of the room this year, which was nicer than being up front throughout the show like last year. Although we still put on a show from the seats whenever we could..! In the Neil position was Topher, one of the main staff members. He beat the opening price Neil achieved last year by a little bit, bringing up the massive chant from the other MEN, "Marginally more than Neil! Marginally more than Neil! Marginally more than Neil!" I'm sure that Neil, who was hiding under a coat in the back of the room, was plenty embarrassed he still got chants this year even without being in the lineup. The men continued to be called down the center aisle to the stage to play up their character for the crowd and bring in the dolla dolla bills.
After three or four men, I was called up to the front. As the auctioneer read off a few basic stats about me, I paraded down the aisle. Flexing my muscles and doing assorted manly poses, I showed the crowd, up and close, just how manly I was. When I reached the stage, the auctioneer posed his first question for me.
"What is your favorite pick-up line?"
"My stick glows ALLLLL night long!"
I pulled out a red glow stick from my pocket, snapped it, and shook that bad boy to maximum glowing capacity, to the roar of the crowd. The auctioneer then asked me why I was excommunicated from the Wiccan priesthood, which turned out to be because of my doctorate in paranormal psychology (think Mulder in X-Files). Then I had to remind the ladies in the house that my Bawls were sweet and tasty as I pulled a bottle out of my back pocket. Once I popped the cap, it all started to spew out! Capping the top with my mouth, I tried to contain the champagne-like burst. I must've really excited my Bawls, because they spilled all over the place so much I couldn't control 'em. This was a great show for the crowd as they cheered my public explosion, which I (of course) milked for maximum impact.
The bidding opened at about $20 and within a matter of seconds was up to $30! It went so quickly it was amazing. Once it stagnated at $30, I flipped a coin high in the air and it landed on the ground. "OOPS! I dropped a quarter!" This gave the crowd a long gaze at the money maker while I picked the shiny coin off the ground. Instantly, we got to $35. Then after promising to do a special dance for another $5, one lucky bidder, greenabsinthe gave us an enthused $40!! And that rounded out the bidding war for Pinder in 2007.
The returning Trae, auctioning as a gardening ninja, netted an astounding $75. He was in the pole position until he was dethroned by one guy that had apparently been plugging himself on the forums for a solid year. Various girls and his real-world girlfriend got into a bidding war that took him up to a grand total of $135! Then finally, an unannounced auction of Vinnk (top seller for the previous two auctions) was put on the block! And through a strange occurance, Vinnk sold for a relatively cheap $50.
It was an evening full of awesome events, and things were still just starting. Again, I was among the upper-tier of sellers and my stock price increased again. Keep it in mind girls... An evening with me is currently running $40!
Friday evening
Once the MAN Auction was done and over, I had to EAT a substantial meal for the first time all day. In an interesting coincidence, I hooked up with a staff and guest trip to the local Famous Daves. Fantastic times and stories abounded, including one satirical joke about Shinji... I joked that Shinji (Evangelion) was extremely manly expecting "ooooo, burn! ha ha ha!" from one or more of us at the table, only to get an agreement from Kyle. It was only later that I realized that Spike Spencer (voice actor of Shinji) was the guy sitting across the table. I thought he was Joe Grisaffi... but I guess I was wrong! Really wrong. Oops, lol. We all also poked fun at the Georgia sweet sauce and the Texas Manhandler. Good times.
I will never return to that Famous Daves, however. It gave me the worst food poisoning I've ever encountered. Worse than extremely oily grease-pit hamburger / hot dog joints. It wasn't fun waking up halfway through the night and losing an hour of sleep to EXTREME stomach pains. Other than that, Friday night rocked.
Saturday
This day saw the typical busy-ness of business. Once that was done and through, it was time to cash in the dinner date of the Auction for the first time in three years... except she was sick. Massively. Third time may not really be the charm here, as for the third time, the high bidder didn't get their dinner.
Still, a group of us went for pizza at the fantastic place across the street. Well, I was the non-conformist that opted to get a calzone... and a beer in possibly the fruitiest glass the place had. Oddly, it held about an extra ounce than the manly-looking mug. [shrug] Whatever... And I then made it to the dance just before it started. Glow stick sales were fun, and my Auction owner made it down for a while to groove a little bit without getting sick all over the place... But honestly, $40 for some mild grooving while severly ill isn't fair. I owe you a dinner and some dance time a con down the line, greenabsinthe!
Sunday
This was similar to Friday, as I meandered the room a bit and bought out Vinnk's Rising Stuff CD collection. I even got some Hello Kitty plushies, one of which worked nicely as a Mother's Day gift. I also met T.S., a local Chicago professional wrestler. He's starting to do an otaku-based character that is all about video games and anime. It's a really fun gimmick and I will be joining him at some shows as his manager. I've always thought it would be exciting to be a part of a pro wrestling show, even before I wrestled amateur in high school. T.S. is doing some really great stuff with it. If you're in the Chicago area and even remotely enjoy wrestling, check out a show - I'll post show dates and ticket information once they're scheduled.
The rest of the trip, from packing to loading to driving home was simple and easy. The loading cart rides to and from the car got fun and really crazy, with stunts that almost hurt a few people at times. Fortunately, everything stayed safe and no one got hurt - just really scared. >;)
No Brand Con feels like it's my home con. It may not be my top-grossing weekend of the year, but it just plain feels like home. More people than usual know me and the community is so much tighter than at other shows. And what other convention out there would want me to be a part of their crazy events like the MAN Auction? LOL, No Brand Con rules. Everyone needs to go to No Brand, and maybe watch Shinesman and Genshiken. Poking fun at Neil in person is more fun than sitting at home and doing it online.
Next time, the ACen report. Later!
- John
This was an oddly relaxing wild weekend. Yes, not only does that sound dumb, but it's quite oxymoronic. We had some immense fun in between relaxing breaks and smooth hilarity. No Brand Con is a blast every year... and here's why it was this time around.
Thursday
The trip out was very easy, if a bit tiring... Nowadays, a 5-hour drive is almost too short. But this time I was coming off the busy week of restocking and packing after Tekkoshocon the weekend before. Having 1 day off in a week of 14-hour-long workdays takes a bit of a toll. At least the toll road up to Wisconsin was smooth with completed construction and the amazingly nice I-Pass RFID toll collection system. (Open Road Tolling is your friend - embrace the e-life!) After setting up in amazingly quick fashion, again thanks to the new boxes, I got a welcomed call from the FFA Army of girls (from Anime Detour). And yet for only being 2 miles away from the site, they arrived somewhere about an hour later. I haven't heard anyone getting more lost like that since my battles with the Ohio River in the fall... At least everyone arrived safely, including the wordsmith of Studio ONY, script_monkey. And... here's another cheap plug for those that only click 1 in 3 links. Otaku~no~Yen
Toward the tail end of Thursday's setup time, I was pulled aside by the staff member in charge of this year's No Brand Con MAN Auction. I was a little surprised considering that I was not contacted about it before. The higher-ups decided that after two years of nearly identical lineups, it was time to shake things up a bit. But after one fool dropped out for ditching the convention, I was invited to fill the gap. And of course, I can always pack it in when the opening presents itself.
(Yeah, the whole weekend kinda turned out that way. After opening that mental can of worms... Pringles said it best - once you pop, you can't stop... though maybe Ron Jeremy said that, too.)
Friday
Setup went longer than I expected, but smoothly. During the good times of selling things, I had the opportunity to meander a bit... and picked up an awesome set of miniature 1.5" x 2.5" playing cards. Also, at one point while I was perusing Vinnk's table of Japanese CDs, a girl walked up to me. Meekly, she said, "Hug?" It took me a second to realize what the question was, but the rosy embarrased cheeks and extended arms kinda clued me in quickly. After giving the shy girl a hug, I plugged the upcoming MAN Auction. "You can buy me in the MAN Auction." She quietly replied, "I plan to." That was really flattering, and set some of my reservations aside about this year's appearance.
I was nervous about this one for a few reasons:
The MAN Auction
The men were lined up and seated at the back of the room this year, which was nicer than being up front throughout the show like last year. Although we still put on a show from the seats whenever we could..! In the Neil position was Topher, one of the main staff members. He beat the opening price Neil achieved last year by a little bit, bringing up the massive chant from the other MEN, "Marginally more than Neil! Marginally more than Neil! Marginally more than Neil!" I'm sure that Neil, who was hiding under a coat in the back of the room, was plenty embarrassed he still got chants this year even without being in the lineup. The men continued to be called down the center aisle to the stage to play up their character for the crowd and bring in the dolla dolla bills.
After three or four men, I was called up to the front. As the auctioneer read off a few basic stats about me, I paraded down the aisle. Flexing my muscles and doing assorted manly poses, I showed the crowd, up and close, just how manly I was. When I reached the stage, the auctioneer posed his first question for me.
"What is your favorite pick-up line?"
"My stick glows ALLLLL night long!"
I pulled out a red glow stick from my pocket, snapped it, and shook that bad boy to maximum glowing capacity, to the roar of the crowd. The auctioneer then asked me why I was excommunicated from the Wiccan priesthood, which turned out to be because of my doctorate in paranormal psychology (think Mulder in X-Files). Then I had to remind the ladies in the house that my Bawls were sweet and tasty as I pulled a bottle out of my back pocket. Once I popped the cap, it all started to spew out! Capping the top with my mouth, I tried to contain the champagne-like burst. I must've really excited my Bawls, because they spilled all over the place so much I couldn't control 'em. This was a great show for the crowd as they cheered my public explosion, which I (of course) milked for maximum impact.
The bidding opened at about $20 and within a matter of seconds was up to $30! It went so quickly it was amazing. Once it stagnated at $30, I flipped a coin high in the air and it landed on the ground. "OOPS! I dropped a quarter!" This gave the crowd a long gaze at the money maker while I picked the shiny coin off the ground. Instantly, we got to $35. Then after promising to do a special dance for another $5, one lucky bidder, greenabsinthe gave us an enthused $40!! And that rounded out the bidding war for Pinder in 2007.
The returning Trae, auctioning as a gardening ninja, netted an astounding $75. He was in the pole position until he was dethroned by one guy that had apparently been plugging himself on the forums for a solid year. Various girls and his real-world girlfriend got into a bidding war that took him up to a grand total of $135! Then finally, an unannounced auction of Vinnk (top seller for the previous two auctions) was put on the block! And through a strange occurance, Vinnk sold for a relatively cheap $50.
It was an evening full of awesome events, and things were still just starting. Again, I was among the upper-tier of sellers and my stock price increased again. Keep it in mind girls... An evening with me is currently running $40!
Friday evening
Once the MAN Auction was done and over, I had to EAT a substantial meal for the first time all day. In an interesting coincidence, I hooked up with a staff and guest trip to the local Famous Daves. Fantastic times and stories abounded, including one satirical joke about Shinji... I joked that Shinji (Evangelion) was extremely manly expecting "ooooo, burn! ha ha ha!" from one or more of us at the table, only to get an agreement from Kyle. It was only later that I realized that Spike Spencer (voice actor of Shinji) was the guy sitting across the table. I thought he was Joe Grisaffi... but I guess I was wrong! Really wrong. Oops, lol. We all also poked fun at the Georgia sweet sauce and the Texas Manhandler. Good times.
I will never return to that Famous Daves, however. It gave me the worst food poisoning I've ever encountered. Worse than extremely oily grease-pit hamburger / hot dog joints. It wasn't fun waking up halfway through the night and losing an hour of sleep to EXTREME stomach pains. Other than that, Friday night rocked.
Saturday
This day saw the typical busy-ness of business. Once that was done and through, it was time to cash in the dinner date of the Auction for the first time in three years... except she was sick. Massively. Third time may not really be the charm here, as for the third time, the high bidder didn't get their dinner.
Still, a group of us went for pizza at the fantastic place across the street. Well, I was the non-conformist that opted to get a calzone... and a beer in possibly the fruitiest glass the place had. Oddly, it held about an extra ounce than the manly-looking mug. [shrug] Whatever... And I then made it to the dance just before it started. Glow stick sales were fun, and my Auction owner made it down for a while to groove a little bit without getting sick all over the place... But honestly, $40 for some mild grooving while severly ill isn't fair. I owe you a dinner and some dance time a con down the line, greenabsinthe!
Sunday
This was similar to Friday, as I meandered the room a bit and bought out Vinnk's Rising Stuff CD collection. I even got some Hello Kitty plushies, one of which worked nicely as a Mother's Day gift. I also met T.S., a local Chicago professional wrestler. He's starting to do an otaku-based character that is all about video games and anime. It's a really fun gimmick and I will be joining him at some shows as his manager. I've always thought it would be exciting to be a part of a pro wrestling show, even before I wrestled amateur in high school. T.S. is doing some really great stuff with it. If you're in the Chicago area and even remotely enjoy wrestling, check out a show - I'll post show dates and ticket information once they're scheduled.
The rest of the trip, from packing to loading to driving home was simple and easy. The loading cart rides to and from the car got fun and really crazy, with stunts that almost hurt a few people at times. Fortunately, everything stayed safe and no one got hurt - just really scared. >;)
No Brand Con feels like it's my home con. It may not be my top-grossing weekend of the year, but it just plain feels like home. More people than usual know me and the community is so much tighter than at other shows. And what other convention out there would want me to be a part of their crazy events like the MAN Auction? LOL, No Brand Con rules. Everyone needs to go to No Brand, and maybe watch Shinesman and Genshiken. Poking fun at Neil in person is more fun than sitting at home and doing it online.
Next time, the ACen report. Later!
- John