(no subject)
like i told kian the other day...it's a really good feeling when you don't find yourself becoming attracted to every cute girl who tries to talk to you...or girls who are just your friends...it's been like that for a little while, but i didn't really notice it until all the sudden i realized that i am not attracted to courtney at all...cuz we were at the beach and all...and there were so many (outwardly) beautiful ladies...but i just felt like wow, i don't care...good to look at, but most likely not my type...it used to be like that, where i would become good friends with a girl and i would start to like them...but i'm over that now so it's cool...i feel really free...it's funny, i used to stress out over the fact that i've never kissed a girl and that i believed i would mess up unless i got some practice...but that's not a big deal to me anymore either...i remember earlier in the year, talking about wanting to kiss courtney...and andrew told me to go with her to a party sometime and do it...and well i had that chance hanging out at andrew's house earlier in the week...i didn't even think about kissing any of the girls there...i actually just remembered andrew suggesting that to me...but the truth of the matter is, i just don't care...and anyway, i really don't find courtney as attractive as i used to...she's cool and all...but yeah...and she kept calling me joel lol, that was interesting...apparently when she drinks, she thinks my name is joel...and i also just realized that i didn't get caught up all over the fact that she hugged me so many times at one point (she was pretty tipsy at that point haha)...sweet, feeling more like my own person and not a pawn at someone else's mercy...