Lies they tell you about pregnancy
There are a bunch of lies about pregnancy that need to be dispelled immediately.
1) Pregnant women have glowing, clear skin.
Right now, you could play connect the dots on my face if you were so inclined and I sat still for it. There is a giant zit on my actual lip (no, it's not a cold sore, I know the difference) that so upset my toddler godson that he just couldn't believe his eyes and had to call his papa over to marvel at it. I am pushing 40, people. It's not like I miss any aspect of my adolescence, but definitely not this one.
2) You get an energy burst in the second trimester.
Bullshit. Maybe the people who do this are confusing "I want to throw up less often" with "I have a burst of energy." I am exhausted all the time. All the damn time. There is no energy burst.
3) Morning sickness ends with the first trimester.
It lessens, I'll give them that. But my run to the bathroom yesterday morning confirms for me that I have lots more puking to look forward to.
4) The second trimester is a great time to have sex!
Maybe this is true if you already have a romantic partner. All I can say is that as a single woman, cutesy-wootsy nudges on pregnancy websites about how my partner and I should "make love" now as we'll be too tired when the baby comes, references to increased blood flow to my pelvis, and recommendations that if I'm having trouble sleeping I should get my partner to give me a pre-natal massage (do all non-pregnant partners know how to do this or something?) are really getting right up my nose. Shut up, pregnancy websites. Now is not a good time for me to do any of that stuff, because first I'd have to go out and find some dude and not only am I too fucking exhausted to bother (see #2), but my new shape is not really considered that alluring by most men. Not that I was fighting suitors off with a stick before, but now is particularly not the time. I need a pregnancy website aimed at single women. It could say things like "Now is a great time to think about how happy you are that this pregnancy hasn't tied you to any of those assholes you dated," or "Enjoy lying in the center of your bed and taking up all the room you need to be comfortable."
1) Pregnant women have glowing, clear skin.
Right now, you could play connect the dots on my face if you were so inclined and I sat still for it. There is a giant zit on my actual lip (no, it's not a cold sore, I know the difference) that so upset my toddler godson that he just couldn't believe his eyes and had to call his papa over to marvel at it. I am pushing 40, people. It's not like I miss any aspect of my adolescence, but definitely not this one.
2) You get an energy burst in the second trimester.
Bullshit. Maybe the people who do this are confusing "I want to throw up less often" with "I have a burst of energy." I am exhausted all the time. All the damn time. There is no energy burst.
3) Morning sickness ends with the first trimester.
It lessens, I'll give them that. But my run to the bathroom yesterday morning confirms for me that I have lots more puking to look forward to.
4) The second trimester is a great time to have sex!
Maybe this is true if you already have a romantic partner. All I can say is that as a single woman, cutesy-wootsy nudges on pregnancy websites about how my partner and I should "make love" now as we'll be too tired when the baby comes, references to increased blood flow to my pelvis, and recommendations that if I'm having trouble sleeping I should get my partner to give me a pre-natal massage (do all non-pregnant partners know how to do this or something?) are really getting right up my nose. Shut up, pregnancy websites. Now is not a good time for me to do any of that stuff, because first I'd have to go out and find some dude and not only am I too fucking exhausted to bother (see #2), but my new shape is not really considered that alluring by most men. Not that I was fighting suitors off with a stick before, but now is particularly not the time. I need a pregnancy website aimed at single women. It could say things like "Now is a great time to think about how happy you are that this pregnancy hasn't tied you to any of those assholes you dated," or "Enjoy lying in the center of your bed and taking up all the room you need to be comfortable."