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Character name: Scott Pilgrim
Series: Scott Pilgrim
Age: 23
Job: Dishwasher
Canon: Meet Scott Pilgrim, your hero. Scott's life is pretty sweet. His apartment is a crappy little hole, his band kind of sucks, and his friends are mean. Wait. That doesn't sound sweet at all. Okay, so stuff sucks, but at least he's dating the hot ninja delivery girl Ramona Flowers. A girl so hot, in fact, that her ex-boyfriends became so bitter and evil that they formed a league of destruction. That is crazy-making levels of hot. And if Scott wants to keep dating Ramona he has to defeat her seven evil ex-boyfriends in combat. It's kind of a hassle, but sometimes that's what a man has to do for love.
Scott is best described as, well, narrowly focused? Pleasantly simple? Alright, he's just kind of dumb. A life of video games and blows to the head will do that to a guy. The only thing worse than his attention span is his social skills. And his whining. Have I mentioned he doesn't remember if he finished college? Let's just say it's a good thing he's cute.
Sample Entry:
So I really appreciate getting a new job, but I was kind of hoping it would be a better job. Washing dishes is cool and all. I mean, it's alright. But I'm pretty sure I've leveled up to fry cook by now? And also that I'm not supposed to be chained to the sink? It's been a few hours and my hands are getting totally pruny and gross, and I have to pee, and I think I might be allergic to the metal or something because there's this rash. I tried poking at it for a while but it's not getting any better. It's got these ... there are lumps. Should I be worried? Can metal chains give you cancer?
Not that I'm trying to sound ungrateful or whatever. Just that. Um. It's just this job really sucks pretty bad. I guess I don't have a resumé which is my bad, but I can do lots of stuff that's not washing dishes. That's better than washing dishes! Like uh. ... I can play the bass line from the Final Fantasy 2 theme! And I make tasty garlic bread! And I draw really excellent sheep! You could pay me for drawing sheep, right? Kids would like it. They'd be all "Oh, Scott draw a sheep for me!" and I'd draw a big fluffy body and four legs and. Do sheep have curly tails, or is that goats? I never remember... Anyway, I draw sheep a lot better than I wash dishes and sheep-drawers definitely get pee breaks. I have rights, you know! I'm almost 100% sure!
Nobody's even listening to me, are they? I'm chained to this sink until my pruny, rashy skin falls off and my bladder explodes because nobody is around to hear my cries for help. All those dudes outside are the ghosts of dishwashers past who gnawed off their own limbs to escape their horrible hot soapy prison. Those creepy zombie guys are my future. Noo, I don't waaanna be a gross ex-dishwasher with one arm and a rash and an exploded bladder! I just want rash ointment and potty time! For serious on the potty time, dude, I drank like three things of Mountain Dew before I got here and the water's been running pretty much constantly and I have to pee so bad. Really bad. Like really so bad I don't know how much longer I can--
Um. Problem solved.
Please don't tell my roommate I wore his pants today.
Character name: Scott Pilgrim
Series: Scott Pilgrim
Age: 23
Job: Dishwasher
Canon: Meet Scott Pilgrim, your hero. Scott's life is pretty sweet. His apartment is a crappy little hole, his band kind of sucks, and his friends are mean. Wait. That doesn't sound sweet at all. Okay, so stuff sucks, but at least he's dating the hot ninja delivery girl Ramona Flowers. A girl so hot, in fact, that her ex-boyfriends became so bitter and evil that they formed a league of destruction. That is crazy-making levels of hot. And if Scott wants to keep dating Ramona he has to defeat her seven evil ex-boyfriends in combat. It's kind of a hassle, but sometimes that's what a man has to do for love.
Scott is best described as, well, narrowly focused? Pleasantly simple? Alright, he's just kind of dumb. A life of video games and blows to the head will do that to a guy. The only thing worse than his attention span is his social skills. And his whining. Have I mentioned he doesn't remember if he finished college? Let's just say it's a good thing he's cute.
Sample Entry:
So I really appreciate getting a new job, but I was kind of hoping it would be a better job. Washing dishes is cool and all. I mean, it's alright. But I'm pretty sure I've leveled up to fry cook by now? And also that I'm not supposed to be chained to the sink? It's been a few hours and my hands are getting totally pruny and gross, and I have to pee, and I think I might be allergic to the metal or something because there's this rash. I tried poking at it for a while but it's not getting any better. It's got these ... there are lumps. Should I be worried? Can metal chains give you cancer?
Not that I'm trying to sound ungrateful or whatever. Just that. Um. It's just this job really sucks pretty bad. I guess I don't have a resumé which is my bad, but I can do lots of stuff that's not washing dishes. That's better than washing dishes! Like uh. ... I can play the bass line from the Final Fantasy 2 theme! And I make tasty garlic bread! And I draw really excellent sheep! You could pay me for drawing sheep, right? Kids would like it. They'd be all "Oh, Scott draw a sheep for me!" and I'd draw a big fluffy body and four legs and. Do sheep have curly tails, or is that goats? I never remember... Anyway, I draw sheep a lot better than I wash dishes and sheep-drawers definitely get pee breaks. I have rights, you know! I'm almost 100% sure!
Nobody's even listening to me, are they? I'm chained to this sink until my pruny, rashy skin falls off and my bladder explodes because nobody is around to hear my cries for help. All those dudes outside are the ghosts of dishwashers past who gnawed off their own limbs to escape their horrible hot soapy prison. Those creepy zombie guys are my future. Noo, I don't waaanna be a gross ex-dishwasher with one arm and a rash and an exploded bladder! I just want rash ointment and potty time! For serious on the potty time, dude, I drank like three things of Mountain Dew before I got here and the water's been running pretty much constantly and I have to pee so bad. Really bad. Like really so bad I don't know how much longer I can--
Um. Problem solved.
Please don't tell my roommate I wore his pants today.