inadaquacy=shopaholic
For someone that has debt totaling into the 30k-40k range, I went a little crazy today.
I was feeling crappy about how I look, my relationship with my mother, not getting christmas presents ever, etc..
Despite spending money I do not have yet, I did kind of score today.
I did a bra fitting at Intimacy today after talking about it for seriously, YEARS.
I have NEVER had a bra that fits me and I'm so glad I went. I spent 225.00 on 2 bras and some spanx but I'm so glad I did because it was totally worth ever cent. I discovered that my boobs are actually a lot larger than I though but also that I have a TORSO. It seriously makes me looks 100% better in clothes.
I then went to the Gap where I bought 2 pairs of jeans, a wide leg medium wash, and a dark slim fit, a pair of railroad stripe wide legged trousers, and a vest for 68.00. I have to hem these and mend a bunch of vintage dresses this weekend.
I then made a major mistake of going to Bloomigdale's and they were having a 50% off clearance sale. While on the floor I ran into Antonio from Studio Services on the floor and at that point I was obligated to by it. I went into studio services to avoid the lines of the dressing rooms and the register. Which was pretty awesome. I got two DKNY skirts both full price are $225.00 each and I got both for 69.00.
So in all I spend approximately 360.00 for 2 bras, 3 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of pants, a vest, and 2 skirts. Which isn't bad at all.
Just with things I've already recently bought, my Jeffery Campbell shoes, Betsey Johnson clam necklace, and sweaters for the job, I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING for a very long time. This Born will cover all this stuff and what I spent on Christmas but as of Jan 1st it ends.
I'm looking forward to the new year. I have to say, despite all the problems with my living situation and my anxiety of always feeling desprate or like something horrible is going to happen, some good things have happened this year and I feel like I'm really on the way to figuring things out and creating the peace I want in my life:
- In 13 months (before business expenses of course), I made over 3 times the amount of money I made in 2007. My debt has leveled off and it's where it was this like last year as apposed to 2007 where I nearly doubled it in one year's time because I made no money. I didn't make hardly any progress because of spending nearly 15k on the whole bed bug drama.
-I scored a 1 bedroom apartment that I can afford on my own, for now. I really love living alone and having my own space to be it. Having nice things and a nice apartment are really important to my well being.
-I have decided to have limited contact with my mother because the relationship is too strained and I do not need her problems and unwillingness to help herself to affect my well being. I am finally comfortable with this decision and I feel empowered by it even though I do struggle with what my boundaries should be.
-I have decided to take my own styling work a little slow. While I was happy with my work I do feel like what I was doing was coming from a negative place and it was bad for my well being and was affecting those who I work with. I feel like I was comparing myself too much to others, too competitive and self defeating with myself, and felt like I was in a desprate position and making goals with myself that were like "if i don't do this by this time that means I'm total shit and not worth it and should just quit now". As a result, I am only happy with one project I did this year and I was making myself miserable. I want to take the time I need to focus on becoming more positive, build my self esteem by learning to do other things because I am capable of other things despite thinking sometimes that I don't know how to do anything else, and come back to this full speed sometime in the next year, if I choose to. For now, I just want to make as much money as I can and do little projects here and there but only when I can afford to.
-I started therapy and it's really, really helping me with my anxiety level and also helping me be insightful to what's bothering me and discover why I am the way I am. Again, it's hard to afford it but it's worth every penny.
-I started to meet agents and got a major, major ad campaign in europe I'm still waiting for to come out.
Goals for 2009:
-To really, again, try to pay down my debt. Hopefully there will be no more catastrophies preventing it. as of Jan 11th (whenever I get the check) I will be paying off 4500.00 on my credit cards. I have some supplements for some of my expenses I don't want to go into, and I think I can start to make progress if I work at the same rate I have. Hopefully I can pick up work through the other half of Jan and manage to pay off another 1000-2000.00 more.
- To reduce my anxiety, and generally take care of myself emotionally.
- Take a class in something to prove to myself that I can do other things. That I'm not trapped in fashion forever if I decide I don't want to be.
-To figure out how to curb my anxiety and sustaining and doing well financially in my life (ex. saving, affording health insurance, etc)
-The food overdose has got to stop. During the last couple weeks I've seriously, gained a dress size. While my eating habits have gotten better, I still have lots of room for improvement and I really want to work on that too.
Things I'm looking forward to:
-Free vacation with airline miles
-Jim moving back home next December and getting a dog.
It's a lot, but this is all gradual and will take all year, and into the next but I finally feel for the first time in a few years like I'm on a good track.
I was feeling crappy about how I look, my relationship with my mother, not getting christmas presents ever, etc..
Despite spending money I do not have yet, I did kind of score today.
I did a bra fitting at Intimacy today after talking about it for seriously, YEARS.
I have NEVER had a bra that fits me and I'm so glad I went. I spent 225.00 on 2 bras and some spanx but I'm so glad I did because it was totally worth ever cent. I discovered that my boobs are actually a lot larger than I though but also that I have a TORSO. It seriously makes me looks 100% better in clothes.
I then went to the Gap where I bought 2 pairs of jeans, a wide leg medium wash, and a dark slim fit, a pair of railroad stripe wide legged trousers, and a vest for 68.00. I have to hem these and mend a bunch of vintage dresses this weekend.
I then made a major mistake of going to Bloomigdale's and they were having a 50% off clearance sale. While on the floor I ran into Antonio from Studio Services on the floor and at that point I was obligated to by it. I went into studio services to avoid the lines of the dressing rooms and the register. Which was pretty awesome. I got two DKNY skirts both full price are $225.00 each and I got both for 69.00.
So in all I spend approximately 360.00 for 2 bras, 3 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of pants, a vest, and 2 skirts. Which isn't bad at all.
Just with things I've already recently bought, my Jeffery Campbell shoes, Betsey Johnson clam necklace, and sweaters for the job, I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING for a very long time. This Born will cover all this stuff and what I spent on Christmas but as of Jan 1st it ends.
I'm looking forward to the new year. I have to say, despite all the problems with my living situation and my anxiety of always feeling desprate or like something horrible is going to happen, some good things have happened this year and I feel like I'm really on the way to figuring things out and creating the peace I want in my life:
- In 13 months (before business expenses of course), I made over 3 times the amount of money I made in 2007. My debt has leveled off and it's where it was this like last year as apposed to 2007 where I nearly doubled it in one year's time because I made no money. I didn't make hardly any progress because of spending nearly 15k on the whole bed bug drama.
-I scored a 1 bedroom apartment that I can afford on my own, for now. I really love living alone and having my own space to be it. Having nice things and a nice apartment are really important to my well being.
-I have decided to have limited contact with my mother because the relationship is too strained and I do not need her problems and unwillingness to help herself to affect my well being. I am finally comfortable with this decision and I feel empowered by it even though I do struggle with what my boundaries should be.
-I have decided to take my own styling work a little slow. While I was happy with my work I do feel like what I was doing was coming from a negative place and it was bad for my well being and was affecting those who I work with. I feel like I was comparing myself too much to others, too competitive and self defeating with myself, and felt like I was in a desprate position and making goals with myself that were like "if i don't do this by this time that means I'm total shit and not worth it and should just quit now". As a result, I am only happy with one project I did this year and I was making myself miserable. I want to take the time I need to focus on becoming more positive, build my self esteem by learning to do other things because I am capable of other things despite thinking sometimes that I don't know how to do anything else, and come back to this full speed sometime in the next year, if I choose to. For now, I just want to make as much money as I can and do little projects here and there but only when I can afford to.
-I started therapy and it's really, really helping me with my anxiety level and also helping me be insightful to what's bothering me and discover why I am the way I am. Again, it's hard to afford it but it's worth every penny.
-I started to meet agents and got a major, major ad campaign in europe I'm still waiting for to come out.
Goals for 2009:
-To really, again, try to pay down my debt. Hopefully there will be no more catastrophies preventing it. as of Jan 11th (whenever I get the check) I will be paying off 4500.00 on my credit cards. I have some supplements for some of my expenses I don't want to go into, and I think I can start to make progress if I work at the same rate I have. Hopefully I can pick up work through the other half of Jan and manage to pay off another 1000-2000.00 more.
- To reduce my anxiety, and generally take care of myself emotionally.
- Take a class in something to prove to myself that I can do other things. That I'm not trapped in fashion forever if I decide I don't want to be.
-To figure out how to curb my anxiety and sustaining and doing well financially in my life (ex. saving, affording health insurance, etc)
-The food overdose has got to stop. During the last couple weeks I've seriously, gained a dress size. While my eating habits have gotten better, I still have lots of room for improvement and I really want to work on that too.
Things I'm looking forward to:
-Free vacation with airline miles
-Jim moving back home next December and getting a dog.
It's a lot, but this is all gradual and will take all year, and into the next but I finally feel for the first time in a few years like I'm on a good track.