Hello, Goodbye
This whole week has been an emotional storm for me. I’ve been hanging out with Ultan a lot lately. On Thursday night, I went over to Ultan’s room to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind with him. He didn’t make any moves, but I could feel the sexual tension rising, so I made a point of it to not linger too long after the movie ended. I don’t want there be any confusion until I know I want.
And then there’s today…
There’s finally closure between Apostolo and I. At least I hope.
The whole week I was trying to find a point where it would be the right moment to say I just wanted to be friends with him. It’s getting too hard for me at this point. But, there was never a point where I thought that it would come out right. The more I thought about it, I couldn’t picture myself going through another 4 months with no progression. So, I went to visit him last night. He brought it up near the end of the night, which relieved me. He said that he has been thinking over and over about it for the last few days, and being friends seemed to be the only real solution that would make the best of things for the next few months. He told me that he wasn’t realistically expecting me to wait for him during the school year, and that he couldn’t stop me from seeing anyone else this point onward. However, he told me that he hoped that things could work out later on when he had more time.
The only thing now is that I don’t know if I’m going to have second thoughts about this whole thing. I realized that this week by hanging out with Post more that he’s a genuinely nice guy, however I just hate the circumstances that we’re under right now. I feel like I’m okay now, but there’s this weird empty butterflies feeling in my stomach right now that isn’t sitting well. But regardless, it’s for the better. I can’t mull and ruminate over the situation. I don’t have the time anyways… I should be working on my essay!