Get out of my head
Why are you still in my head? I dealt with you...i thought i dealt with you, but you're there....Everytime i do something wrong EVERYTIME...i hear your cruel voice in my head...
"Ah" it says "Ah, I see the Screw-Up Fairy has visited us again."
and you know what...
tis right
i do screw up
i never learn to keep my mouth shut
an i can't seem to let things go
Especially things that are bad for me
Its pathetic really
the power i thought i had to resist everything collapses under your voice in my head...that little tiny weight
And people keep asking me if im ok.
you know , it just reminds me that im not
that that voice is right, and i just had a visit from the screw up fairy...
I know i have people that care. I know i do.
I see those boys every night and im not sure if they realize how much they've saved me...i dont think they do, but im not going to tell them
and lemme tell ya something
its possible to love others and hate yourself, pretty easy actually
and let me say something else
Hope.
Hope is a dangerous thing.
Hope can drive you insane.
Will sent me a quote last night from 7....and tnight it popped into my head randomly....I just stopped and thought ....its amazing how fucked up i am.
i have some things to say and i hope no one who reads this (HAH) will get offended or angry
People think I'm perfect and happy,
because i don't cry (when they're looking)
because i'm always smiling (until they turn their backs)
because i stopped cutting (but i still want to i still need to)
because i'm clever (but my brain never shuts up)
because i'm eating (when they're watching)
So there it is
If it makes you happy, then i am fine
if it let's you sleep at night, im never suicidal
If it helps you stay ignorant , these scars that lace my body are not remains of how much self-hatred boils inside of me
If it keeps you from running like everyone else...than i am not crazy
I'll be that laughing, happy, joking, friendly,loving,smiling (secretly depressed) type
i'll do that for all of you
I wont ever do it again
Once again i want to
i want to kill something in myself want to bleed it out of me until i'm left with that bare...clean baseline, that absolute zero,that point from where i can rebuild myself... but you've shown me i dont need to do that, you love me for who i am,...so im fighting it, fighting it with all my soul.
Just keep reminding me that recovery is possible.
That im stronger than the guilt inside my head
Oh and Dear voice :
Get the hell out of my head you bastard.
Good night everyone
"Ah" it says "Ah, I see the Screw-Up Fairy has visited us again."
and you know what...
tis right
i do screw up
i never learn to keep my mouth shut
an i can't seem to let things go
Especially things that are bad for me
Its pathetic really
the power i thought i had to resist everything collapses under your voice in my head...that little tiny weight
And people keep asking me if im ok.
you know , it just reminds me that im not
that that voice is right, and i just had a visit from the screw up fairy...
I know i have people that care. I know i do.
I see those boys every night and im not sure if they realize how much they've saved me...i dont think they do, but im not going to tell them
and lemme tell ya something
its possible to love others and hate yourself, pretty easy actually
and let me say something else
Hope.
Hope is a dangerous thing.
Hope can drive you insane.
Will sent me a quote last night from 7....and tnight it popped into my head randomly....I just stopped and thought ....its amazing how fucked up i am.
i have some things to say and i hope no one who reads this (HAH) will get offended or angry
People think I'm perfect and happy,
because i don't cry (when they're looking)
because i'm always smiling (until they turn their backs)
because i stopped cutting (but i still want to i still need to)
because i'm clever (but my brain never shuts up)
because i'm eating (when they're watching)
So there it is
If it makes you happy, then i am fine
if it let's you sleep at night, im never suicidal
If it helps you stay ignorant , these scars that lace my body are not remains of how much self-hatred boils inside of me
If it keeps you from running like everyone else...than i am not crazy
I'll be that laughing, happy, joking, friendly,loving,smiling (secretly depressed) type
i'll do that for all of you
I wont ever do it again
Once again i want to
i want to kill something in myself want to bleed it out of me until i'm left with that bare...clean baseline, that absolute zero,that point from where i can rebuild myself... but you've shown me i dont need to do that, you love me for who i am,...so im fighting it, fighting it with all my soul.
Just keep reminding me that recovery is possible.
That im stronger than the guilt inside my head
Oh and Dear voice :
Get the hell out of my head you bastard.
Good night everyone