W.T.F.
There has been pain the past 2 days. Pain and stiffness. I don't know why. I don't feel like I'm coming down with "something," although I suspected something of the sort yesterday, and dosed on vitamins and Emergen-C and did a LOT of sleeping in the daytime (morning and evening "naps" - and oh, boy were there weird dreams that I didn't journal, so they're mostly gone. There was a nude wedding where I was the bride, and my mother made an appearance, but that's about it.
But there is this lower back pain that I haven't had in years showing up again, and a general whole-body achyness and stiffness. It could be my complete lethargy of the past few months getting the better of me, and it is my body's protestations for daring to spend 18 hours on Wednesday and 12 hours on Monday sorting through boxes in the basement (lots of standing and lifting of heavy things), and getting about 60% done reorganizing the sewing room (standing, lifting, and dealing with musty clothing), or the Cleaning of the First Floor in anticipation of the Coven Working on Tuesday. Or the Coven Working on Tuesday just sucked the energy from my body. Or maybe I should NOT have finished the water bottles left by coven mates...
All I know is that it hurts to sit. It hurts to lie down. It hurts to stand still and it hurts to move. I don't like feeling this way. I had a glimpse into what it must be like for my dad - it's just too much effort to get out of the chair. Well, I can take some painkillers and do some yoga, and maybe this will get better. I quite liked the napping ;)
The Coven... well, 3 members have officially left, which leaves nobody from the group of people I initially wanted to coven with left in the coven. There are two people left in the coven that I really enjoy doing things with, one person who really annoys me, one person who exasperates me, two people who I like but don't feel committed to staying just because of them, and one person who I like but isn't around much at all. I applied for a "leadership" position anyway. Tuesday was supposed to be a healing/forgiveness ritual, and the one person who's been the catalyst for all the bad feelings *still* won't publicly admit that she does anything to be forgiven for (we were all "supposed" to list things we did that may have contributed to the shit that happened over the past year, and "examples" were provided like I listened to gossip or I wasn't there or something like that.). I wasn't particularly thrilled with the whole "confession" aspect of the ritual, but I was willing to go with it for the evening. But when it came to be her turn, her confession had more of the I care too much, I see too far ahead job-interview kind of "faults" that have nothing to do with what her issues are - her issues are she can't let go, she doesn't trust us to do it our way (it has to be HER way), and that if it looks like she's losing control, she has a hissy fit and we have to spend the rest of our business meeting time providing her with therapy. It could be that she really Does Not Get It. I can see the end of my patience with this.
And I am starting to wonder why I picked a family of choice that is so dysfunctional.
The coven "splinter group" had a Yule celebration on Sunday which was much more pleasant. There is sadness in the people who have left, and they also have some healing work to do. One thing I really liked about this is that I brought R with me; because if a new group is forming, I really want him to be a part of it.
Well, I have many doings to do... enough of this. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.