Dharma and Drah-mah
Well, here's the post I hinted about yesterday.
Our coven of 13 is now down to 10 today, and likely even less tomorrow or the day after. The people who were the main reasons for me wanting to be in the group are now all gone but one (and I haven't spoken to her to find out what her intentions are). Of course, I have grown close to everyone over the almost four years I've been with the group (maybe 3 as a member), but the people I most resonate with and felt the most affinity with are now doing other things.
There are a lot of reasons behind the members' decisions to leave (and these three are three of the most active members, including one from the Kore - the "leadership" or "advisory" group), but it all boils down to power and control. The group was advertised to me (and it seems everyone else) as a consensus-run group, with Kore as a "steering" function (there is also a "high-energy magic" component to Kore that was sometimes advertised, but not really discussed among the general membership - I still don't have a very clear notion of what it is).
We haven't been in consensus in months, it seems, and with only 3 people in Kore (down from 5 for a few years already), it became much clearer that there was, in fact, a hierarchy in place. Two of the Kore are in a relationship and are raising a child together. The third Kore member is child-free, as are most of the coven. There are others in the coven with older kids (and one who just had a baby and is missing all the ecitement), and a couple with grandkids. There's been a lot of effort put into encouraging families to attend our open rituals, and either because of that or because the community is sensing the dissention in our ranks, attendance at our public rituals is dwindiling. We used to get 30-50 people at a full moon; now we barely get 20 at an open Samhain. We had 3 non-coven members at our last full moon. Samhain was supposed to be "family friendly" and there was exactly one child there - the Kore members' child. So, it really seems that we are doing all this work to create rituals for this one kid, who isn't always "into" what we may come up with.
The odd-woman out in Kore finally left the coven as of last week, and that started a flood of leavings. At least it feels like a flood to me. There are members of the coven that I don't see too often. Another member left the next day, and another the day after that. One other member wrote an email basically saying "if we are really a consensus-based group, then we don't need Kore" and I would really like to see us open up the group like that. But I don't know if there will be anyone left to make this worthwhile.
I don't feel pressured to leave, but I didn't sign up for the 2-priestess as leaders coven. And I would never have joined a group like that. I don't need a "training coven" - I know my way around ritual and the Gods and all of that - I've been a practicing Pagan for over 20 years now - I LIKED the community work, and teaching and leading public ritual - I LIKED being part of a recognized church and doing work within that structure. I LIKED building something that I thought might last - the coven just celebrated it's 10th anniversary at Mabon.
I would like to give the remaining Kore members the opportunity to make changes in the group (which would entail revising the charter) before I, too, vote with my feet, but my friends are not hopeful that I can be successful with this.
All I know is that I am very very sad about the entire thing. It feels so much like a divorce, and I'm not sure I can remain friends with everyone after it's all over with, and that saddens me even more.
Well, I have more phone calls to make.