(no subject)
i really do. there hasn't been anyone in my life who has ever been as nice and sweet and good to me. she make me smile constantly she shows me this whole differnt side of me. i mean yea we used to have a few probably and it caused us some tough times on our rocky road of a relationship but i'm done being a stupid teenager, its time for me to grow up and i've done alot of thinking.. alot of contemplating the time i almost lost her for good. she and i have both done some regretable things some things that we don't like admiting to. i've dated some people that i wish i hadn't.. i ran out on the one person who would never intentionally hurt me ever. she trusted me more than she's ever trusted anyone in her whole entire life. she gave me her heart and everything that goes with it. and i let her down. well fuck that i'm never doing anything like that again. i'm more in love with her than i have ever been and i'm with her and happier than i've ever been. i'm slowly gaining her complete trust again. i'm getting that heart back and we're doing pretty well. she's grown up more than i have in all of this. i swear she's like 24 stuck in the body of a 16 year old. she's the smartest and wisest girl in my life. i don't think there is anything i wouldn't do for her. except maybe letting her not be with me.. i'm about 150% sure that she is the girli'm going to be with for the rest of my life. she's my best friend and my girlfriend but she's also alot more than that. she's my soulmate. she and i have the same ideas and we connect on this whole level above everyone else. i like to think that she's sees how awesome we are together. she get sad and upset sometimes.. alot since our break-up.. even more so since we got back together. its like she's trying to be like some sort of unmovable rock. she isn't going to let me or anyone else hurt her. i mean its fine for now.. considering that someday she'll let down that forcefield that is keeping me from being trusted and stuff. i guess i believe that she will. heck she might already trust me and just isn't admiting it to me or herself. so i've asked her to marry me.. i mean we always had plans of getting married and yes we are pretty young but i know that she and i will last longer than any couple in history. it may seem silly but we have this dream of having kids and traveling all over and all of this that and the other. its really beautiful if you think about it. before i met brittnay i wasn't sure true love existed. and now she and i are the most in love people i know. i couldn't live without her. if she died i'd surely die too. maybe not physically but definately emotionally. cause if she died i'm sure she wouldn't want me to kill myself. i know that if she died i don't think i would remarry. i mean how many people can you really stay in love with for the rest of your life.. brittnay has this theory that you can fall in love with anyone and she may be right.. but what really convinced me that she's right is when she said "but you can't be sure you'll stay in love with them" and its true.. you can love qualities or quirks or traits that anyone possess but when it comes to the deep down in the pit of your stomach i would die for her in a heartbeat i wanna mak her the happiest person in the world and i think about her every time i open my eyes kind of love... the love thats truer and stronger than any love i've known before it you aren't gonna feel that way about just anyone.. there are only a few people that can do that to you.. and she does that for me. she makes me open my eyes and think about things. life is really great.. i mean really really great. if you just think about all the good things that you have.. i mean i can't say so much for anyone else but i have the greatest friend and soulmate in the world. i can trust her with any secret i have. she may be angry about some of the things i tell or don't tell her but that's only because she cares so much and she tries so hard to be understanding and make me feel like i and a pretty great person no matter what i've done in the past... my past used to be a huge problem for me. when i was a kid everything was so terrible but when i'm with her and i focus on how great she is and how much she has been through and how much better she makes me feel i can't worry its like i'm incapable of worrying about anything. the only thing i worry about now is her.. her safety her comfort her security. she gets sad and stuff often now.. i don't know if its a phase or if she is going through something but i can't do anything to help but be supportive and patient. its pretty hard to just let her cry and i just want to hold her all the time.. i think she'll be ok soon.. she just needs more independence.. she needs things to get away from all her stress. her parents and being yelled at and worrying about how stupid people in school are given awards and she tries harder than they do.. i guess maybe that could motivate her to get the promise scholarship i guess. i don't know why i'm rambling so much.. no one reads this but her.. i mean that i know of.. so i'm just gonna end this with me tellign the love of my life how much she means to me... brittnay honey.. you are my everything you make the sun come up every morning you are the reason i sing.. the reason i speak the reason i breathe. i will do anything for you and i promise i'll be as patient as i need to be.. i trust you and i love you.. i'm always here for you and i'm more than ready for you to be my wife.. we are meant to be together and this time nothing will keep us apart. i love you baby.. :-* thank you so much for just being here for me and wanting to be with me.. .nothing has ever meant so much to me as the things you do and have done for me.. in fact you mean the most to me... you mean the world and the universe, the sun and the stars.. and you light my life and fill my heart. <3