This is me giving my piffling difficulties the finger. Because I could so have it worse.
I am a miserable person to live with when I’m writing an essay. It just takes me so long, and I get rather melodramatic and very uncharitable. Other things have also been conspiring to make me gloomy this week. But y’know what?
I REFUSE.
Problem One.
Kate has gone back to Norwich. L
I’ll just have to annoy the heck out of her with texts.
Problem Two.
Steve. Steve is a homeless guy, and I’m rather afraid he’s going to starve to death. He will only eat things that are kosher, to an orthodox Jew extent - if some oil from my bacon pan spits into the pan of tomatoes, that’s it. They’re no good. If a piece of toast falls onto a piece of bacon and I pick it up within a second - nope. I would be a lot more understanding if he was actually Jewish. He’s not. He’s just...stubborn. But anyway, I respect his beliefs, and I’ll make him kosher food. All he has to do is say “Hey, there’s fat spitting from the bacon pan into the tomatoes there. That’s careless.” And I’ll say “Gosh, sorry Steve, it’s because I was trying to cook the fried bread really hot like it’s supposed to - it never usually does that, don’t worry, I haven’t contaminated you before! I’ll open a fresh tin of tomatoes and heat them in the microwave, is that alright?”
NOT what he did do, which was growl “I don’t want breakfast now” and slouch off, not even staying for toast or a cup of tea. Dude.
I could have got it wrong, he could have stormed off for a completely different reason. But I think it was that, he’s really fussy. And he’s boycotted other places - I just really hope he comes back, because I do care, and I will make his breakfast in whatever complex way he wants, for whatever loose reason - because I don’t want him to starve. That’s sort of why I’m there.
I think I’m also annoyed because I feel bad when it’s not actually my fault. But the main reason is, I can’t do anything about it. If he decides not to eat, and gets ill - there’s nothing I can do. This reason extends to lots of the other guys down there at Crossline, not so much eating but a lot of them really distrust doctors. I’ve done first aid on several things that should have gone to the walk-in centre. But I can’t drag them there. There’s nothing I can do, and it sucks.
But I refuse to be depressed about this. I will be determined. I will keep going as I am - maybe being a bit more careful about cross-contamination - I will keep encouraging them to go to get health care, and, I will pray like mad.
I told one guy I’d pray for him on Saturday and he looked at me like “O...kaaaay...whatever...if it makes you happy...”
Well, I still am.
Problem Three.
I hate driving. I dunno why, but it scares me, even when I know my driving instructor can control the car from his side. I tried driving Sam’s car today with my Dad. Didn’t get past second gear, in a car park. The steering felt really different.
Ugh. I just don’t enjoy it at all, each lesson is like an hour and a half of FEAR, then it’s over. I just want to do my test and pass it so I never have to drive again.
So I will. I’m gonna have to make time to practice, even if it’s scary, so that I can just pass. And then, hey, I can’t afford a car, and everyone else needs theirs, so I’m still gonna be public transport girl...probably...which leads me onto...
Problem Four.
My train. It’s changed its fares and timetable. It’s doubled in price and is now ten minutes later.
Ten minutes, you wouldn’t think that was a problem. Except I have to catch a bus on the other end - those ten minutes are crucial. Previously, if the train was ten minutes late - I was up to half an hour late. Point is moot anyway, because I can’t afford to spend as much on transport per day as I was spending per week when I was at school on placement.
If there was a semi-sensible reason for the fares going up, like a credit crunch reason, or a conflict in the middle east leads to rising fuel prices reason - I’d feel happier. But it’s been on BBC news. The train companies are increasing fares above the rate of inflation because they just sort of feel the money would come in useful to “improve services”.
Dude, the service isn’t improved if I can no longer afford to use it. The service is completely irrelevant to me, because I will be finding alternative transport, and that money you feel like you want? Not coming from my pocket.
So I need to hope I can get a lift with another girl on my course. Although I lose an hour of work time, I gain a good bit of sleep time, and don’t lose money. The other option is a stay over with someone in Plymouth from Monday - Thursday. The other option is the bus, but that would mean I had to leave the house at 5:15am, so I think I’d actually prefer the rip-off train. In any case, I only have six more weeks at college, spread out, so I’ll manage, whatever I have to do.
SO, I’m not gonna let any of this stand in my way. Because I’ve just finished an essay, and I think it was fairly good. I’ve only got four weeks before I’m on placement again, and I’m going to force myself to enjoy them. This is my last chance to be a student! I refuse to not enjoy myself!!!