Take your memories
There are so many thoughts running through my head right now...
I've been very emotional this week - which isnt surprising. I've been easily frustrated by Matt, which isn't his fault, and I honestly feel bad for directing my menstral frustrations at him, but I suppose that's easy to do when you're a girl and there's a boy in your life... But for some reason, this week has seemed extremely difficult. I've just felt so... i don't know... judged, looked down upon, pushed away.
I'm not going to going to tell you the story as to why i've felt so judged, but just know that most of it is coming from matts mom. I think she's really great, don't get me wrong. But i've felt this past week that she's mad at me, and that she thinks I'm some kind of silly whore. It's probably just that I'm misinterpreting some of the things matt's told me... but when he makes comments about how much she loved some of his ex-girlfriends, and then a few days later tells me that she wouldn't let him call me back... i mean what would you think? I just hate the thought that she could come between matt and i... or worse that I could come between matt and his mom. It should never be like that. For some reason, I've just been scared lately... i guess that's the best way to describe it...
Perhaps there's a part of me that is just expecting the worst to come. It seems to be a pattern for me. It seems as though the best times in my life are always replaced by some of the most difficult. Joy has a tendency of fading into sorrow... (no im not just talking about relationships). For some reason i just feel as though those people whom i love, or become close to fade away... they become memories... fond as they may be... sometimes i just cant help but feel as though i've lost something. happiness just seems so fragile for me... i always find a way to let it slip away and life becomes a pattern of moving from low point to low point. I just have to have faith that there is something more than all of this. That sadness doesn't always have to replace the joy. that really can just be simple...
ugh.. whatever... this is all so stupid. I'm fine. Matt and I are fine. I'm just being dumb, and menstral. I guess it would be best for me to just get some sleep...
g'night