Outside
Today I decided I was going to stop shooting pigeons and thought about how much I would like to have a spoon to eat some ice cream, today I decided I was going to go outside. As soon as I came to this decision I realized that I can not ever remember being outside these two rooms...strange, I must have been outside, how else would I have gotten the gun, or the ice cream? I realized that I only have memories of a few weeks here in this place, and beyond that all is darkness...deep within my mind I keep thinking I need to have some sort of programing or up grade, but I do not understand why, those things are for machines and programs, and I am a man...I am...well...for some reason I feel as if I should say I am an Agent...and when I think that, all the hair on the back of my neck stands on end and the tips of my fingers tingle and I see the code...and I feel for that moment that I have my purpose in my grasp...then its gone. So today I decided I should go out side, to see if I could find who I am and where I belong. The Hallway out side my apartment is dimly lit, but I can see the other doors even in the low light, all are a uniform woodgrain brown, and all are numbered, all except mine, no number and its blue. Odd. By the number of flights of stairs I walk down I know I am on the fifth floor, and when I come outside, I am for a moment blinded, it is so bright out side that it seems less real than I usualy feel, less substantial somehow. I reach into the pocket of my suit jacket for my sunglasses, but they are not there...and I wonder for a moment why I thought that I would have them, I don't remember ever having a pair...well not exactly...its like the gun I guess, I have no idea where it came from, but there it is, I guess I must have thought the Glasses would be as well...As I stand there in front of my building, waiting for my sight to return to normal, I hear, or rather feel a slight buzzing in my right ear, I reach up and feel for a moment, an ear peace, with a wire coiling down into the collar of my jacket from behind my ear, only for a moment then its gone...and for that moment I feel connected to something bigger than I can understand, though I feel I should understand it. I glance around and try to decide where to go, this all seems new to me, like I am seeing it for the first time, and yet old as if I have been here all my life, and the idea that it is all some sort of programing comes back to me. And then I catch my reflection in a storefront window. I am medium height, medium build, and generally non-discript, I am wearing a dark colored business suit that has definatly seen better days, I am unshaven and my hair needs cut. Odd I think, this does not look like me at all...but then, I remember that there are no mirrors in my apartment and I dont ever remember seeing my reflection before. Odd. I raise an eyebrow for a moment, then shrug to my reflection and walk on, knowing that some where out there there is a place for me, someone who can help me to my reason for existing, my purpouse, my programing.