Honesty
I have, on occasion, mentioned a passing thought or decision to a friend, only to have them question that. That works fine, as it opens a discussion for further information to be exchanged, and a consensus can be reached. On other occasions, however, I have stated a decision of mine, only to have it ignored. No feedback, no input, just a casual disregard of my intent. This is more problematic, as it causes me to feel unheard, or at least unvalued.
During my crazy days, which others have assured me are over, I would have preferred to be invisible, and to not have had anyone notice my heaping stack o' bananas. This has happened after those, and causes me to wonder if those days have reduced others' opinions of me.
More likely, however, is that my friends are reading what they know of my personality and actions, then comparing it to the words I speak, and finding a discrepancy where none exists. Those days did cause me to come to realizations I had not had the opportunity to see before then. Though 95% of those experiences while crazy were negative, the 5% that were positive changed pieces of me that were core pieces of the person I was before then, and, having changed, have changed me. I just wish I knew how to define the changes that occurred, and explain them, because I doubt they are what others' might think they are. I suspect I still have not discovered some of my differences, and as I seek to understand before being understood (thanks, Stephen Covey!), I suspect communication of who I am today will have to wait. At least I finally feel like a fully formed person. Previously I had a sneaking belief that I had some realizations left about myself and what I wanted to do with my life. Now I see how I would like to live, and am busy making it so.
-Colin
During my crazy days, which others have assured me are over, I would have preferred to be invisible, and to not have had anyone notice my heaping stack o' bananas. This has happened after those, and causes me to wonder if those days have reduced others' opinions of me.
More likely, however, is that my friends are reading what they know of my personality and actions, then comparing it to the words I speak, and finding a discrepancy where none exists. Those days did cause me to come to realizations I had not had the opportunity to see before then. Though 95% of those experiences while crazy were negative, the 5% that were positive changed pieces of me that were core pieces of the person I was before then, and, having changed, have changed me. I just wish I knew how to define the changes that occurred, and explain them, because I doubt they are what others' might think they are. I suspect I still have not discovered some of my differences, and as I seek to understand before being understood (thanks, Stephen Covey!), I suspect communication of who I am today will have to wait. At least I finally feel like a fully formed person. Previously I had a sneaking belief that I had some realizations left about myself and what I wanted to do with my life. Now I see how I would like to live, and am busy making it so.
-Colin