Destroy me this way...
I really have a lot on my mind.
You know that Staples commercial with the easy button?
I REALLY wish I had one of those.
Actually, I don't.
Life shouldn't be that simple. That is too easy.
But it shouldn't be this difficult either.
Oddly, I am not depressed at all.
I think I have too much on my mind to be depressed.
Depression would only bog all of it down and make thinking impossible.
I think that the worst thing is that no matter how hard I think about things, nothing is going to change. Actually at this point in time it can't change. There is still a long road ahead no matter what.
I should just set back and enjoy the scenery, but that is just not my style.
What I need is an "easier" button.
Just to get over a few hills.
To make sure that the ball is actually rolling.
Sometimes the road ahead looks so long and the hills so steep.
I have no desire to turn back, but I can't help but think about what lies ahead.
I can imagine the greener pastures, I just can't see them from where I am standing.
This is not where I wanted to be at 31.
Or more accurately, at 31 this is not where I want to be.
I am extremely malcontent.
I don't need change, I just need...
Satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, I don't really know.
I know it's morbid, but sometimes I wonder what the point of doing anything is. Why bothering to achieve? Why not just live? In the end, no matter what you do, say or accomplish, we all end up the same. The married millionaire rots just as fast as the bitter and lonely hermit.
Of course the hermit probably didn't enjoy his days if he is bitter, but you can't say that the millionaire enjoyed his just because of what he had.
I need to decide the things that I need to be happy day to day, and strive for that. Nothing else matters, not any pre-set idea of what success and happiness is. The only thing that matters in the end is what makes you happy.
Until I know what I want, I can't have it.
And nobody is going to decide for me, or hand it to me.
You know that Staples commercial with the easy button?
I REALLY wish I had one of those.
Actually, I don't.
Life shouldn't be that simple. That is too easy.
But it shouldn't be this difficult either.
Oddly, I am not depressed at all.
I think I have too much on my mind to be depressed.
Depression would only bog all of it down and make thinking impossible.
I think that the worst thing is that no matter how hard I think about things, nothing is going to change. Actually at this point in time it can't change. There is still a long road ahead no matter what.
I should just set back and enjoy the scenery, but that is just not my style.
What I need is an "easier" button.
Just to get over a few hills.
To make sure that the ball is actually rolling.
Sometimes the road ahead looks so long and the hills so steep.
I have no desire to turn back, but I can't help but think about what lies ahead.
I can imagine the greener pastures, I just can't see them from where I am standing.
This is not where I wanted to be at 31.
Or more accurately, at 31 this is not where I want to be.
I am extremely malcontent.
I don't need change, I just need...
Satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, I don't really know.
I know it's morbid, but sometimes I wonder what the point of doing anything is. Why bothering to achieve? Why not just live? In the end, no matter what you do, say or accomplish, we all end up the same. The married millionaire rots just as fast as the bitter and lonely hermit.
Of course the hermit probably didn't enjoy his days if he is bitter, but you can't say that the millionaire enjoyed his just because of what he had.
I need to decide the things that I need to be happy day to day, and strive for that. Nothing else matters, not any pre-set idea of what success and happiness is. The only thing that matters in the end is what makes you happy.
Until I know what I want, I can't have it.
And nobody is going to decide for me, or hand it to me.