Twilight: The Extended Rant
Just like a year ago with the first "Twilight" movie, I am being constantly bombarded with "New Moon" new nonsense. Even if I'm not a fan, I can't go anywhere without being reminded of it. There's a display of posters, candy and squishy Edward pillows at the Blockbuster near my Dad's boss's house, almost EVER commercial break has to show Edward weird pale chest-icles, (thats what I call 'em...shut up :P) everybody has the 'exclusive' interview with the cast and every magazine cover wants to flaunt Taylor Launter's puffy tanned chest.
I try to ignore it and let it fade into the mist before it starts up again when it gets released on DVD.
Its one of those things where the more exposure you get, the more you develop an opinion about besides indifference. Plus, my opinion about Twilight before was really brief but straight-forward, "I don't much care for it." And now, because I've been mulling over my opposing argument and I don't have Precalculus, you can see my complete thoughts on it. Hooray.
As usual, if you think Twilight is the bee's knees, don't read this post unless you want to see WHY I don't like it. I don't care if you like it and I'm not going to make fun of you for it and unfriend you or something. It's fine if you like and I'm not going to hold it against you. :)
That being said-
First of all:
Hahaha, he compared Edward to Morrissey.
The #3, THIS is my biggest beef. I mean, I don't mean to compare me and Eric with Bella and Edward's relationship but..here it goes. When me and Eric broke, yes I was heartbroken, yes I was completely pissed off at him (as well as being pissed off at myself) but...I didn't TRY TO KILL MYSELF. Then again, I am pretty well adjusted and mostly optimistic. Eric and mine attraction to each other is much deeper than:
"You're cool."
"You're keen, too."
"I'm in love with now."
"'Kay." but then again, we were both wrestling with our mixed-up emotions for about year before taking the chance and admitting we loved each other. Edward started out STALKING Bella and watching her sleep and she decided instead to go out with him. Seriously, what could they possibly have to talk about? Wrist cutting techniques? DOWN THE ROAD, NOT ACROSS THE STREET!
I'm not just thinking about messed up Bella's decision to try to off herself because she doesn't have Edward because I know that's NOT the right thing to do in that situation...but young impressionable Twilight fans would look up to Bella don't know better. Is it setting a bad example? Damn skippy. I'm aware its fiction and its not supposed to be taken as a manual on how to live but...if you were 12 or 13 and leaning on the emo side and worship Twilight, it sounds like a good option, which it isn't. Hey, life seems like it sucks sometimes, but things DO get better. That's my optimism talking. ;)
I'm going to shoehorn my thoughts on the movie:
Love the cinematography, love the setting, hate what's going on. Seriously. Maybe its just the part of me that LOVES looking at interesting things but the way they shot the town and the woods and the scenery is fantastic. Everything is bathed in this misty, cool colored spectrum and Washington state (I think that's where its filmed) just seems like a beautiful rainy place with lovely woods. Also, I want to live in the Cullens' house.
Even if the camera is showing Bella's myriad 'Durr' faces and Edward's unnatural-looking hair, I must admit, it all is very well filmed and very pleasing to the eye. I don't CARE what they're showing me but at least it looks nice.
When me and my parents rented "Twilight", I wished Angus watched it too so we could make fun of it. I tried to but if I'm the one doing it, its not much fun plus he just comes up with funny riffs. I've thought about renting it again just so we could watch it and Mstie it.
Anyway, I guess to get to the crux of the biscuit here, the main reason I don't like Twilight is because...I don't identify with any of the characters, except Bella and only a tiny bit. The big selling point at the beginning of Twilight was she moved to Forks, Washington and she was like "MEH." to everybody and everything. See, moving around a lot, that's how I am AT FIRST at a new place. I don't know anybody, I'm really shy, I tend to stay away from people THEN somebody befriends me and then the ball of friendship goes a-rollin' and I come out of my shell a little. (I'm still mostly shy anyway but hey, that's me) Bella totally skipped that phase and just all of a sudden shut out all the people who were nice to her to be with the Weird Pale Guy Who Clearly Doesn't Belong and Looks Older Than Everybody and Acts Like He Hates Her. I don't care how hot the guy is, if he tries to avoid me for whatever reason a guy would avoid me, ("You're blood smells too nice...*runs away*) I know its a lost cause and move on. That's why I wouldn't be the star of Twilight. I'm too REAL :P
It's not just the characters I don't like...to state the obvious, its too tame for a vampire story. My mom, love her, was disappointed with the movie because there wasn't any gore or blood-sucking or violence. Edward almost isn't a vampire, just a slight extension of a Byronic hero but almost no danger. In fact...If they made Twilight set in the 1880s, Edwards mysterious Byronic temperment would make total sense and it was all the rage back then (or so I've heard) so there'd be genuine surprise when Bella found out Edward wasn't really just a guy with a lacy cravat and a velvet waistcoat and trousers but a vampire. Plus I'm pretty sure the statutory rape laws back then were much more lenient. And there'd be sensual blood sucking and bodice ripping. *nod nod nod* :D
God, that made me want to watch "Interview with a Vampire"...and write my own semi-erotic Gothic vampire story.
See, that's another thing entirely. I mean, I don't mean to compare Twilight to "True Blood" and the Sookie Stackhouse books they're based on but...if you at least IMPLY that the vampires in your fandom are hot, don't completely gloss over any and all sexy stuff. Like my mom, normal people when they think of vampires, they think of mysterious but dangerous creatures that go out and SUCK BLOOD to stay alive. They're weird that way, I guess. And its okay to be squeamish or uneasy about portraying them like that. At least "True Blood" had a nice twist with that, having a synthetic blood developed so vampires didn't HAVE to suck blood to stay alive (in a manner of speaking) but they could, if so inclined. And there's VIOLENCE! When I was watching the first season of "True Blood", you have NO idea how many times I either said (or thought) "God this is SO much better than Twilight." Because:
1. Violence. The vampires don't stand around and vaguely 'menace' the two main characters, they lash out, they kill people, they suck their blood, etc.
2. Sex. Yeah, for those of you who haven't seen it, there's sex in it. Well, it IS on HBO so why not? Sure blows away Bella and Edward's chaste lying in the grass :P
3. Humor. Yeah, "True Blood" is FUNNY, especially Sookie's brother Jason. He's so lovably stupid. XD
4. Reality. Even though Bon Temps is not a real place in Lousiana, it might as well be. The setting is believable, the characters are well portrayed and dynamic. Even characters like Andy Bellfleur and Tara's mom are more than just walking cardboard cut-outs, they're 3 dimensional people with weaknesses and flaws.
5. Sookie. *shifty eyes* I think the actress who plays her, Anna Paquin, is hot. :P
(Can I watch you guys have sex...some more? :D)
It's not a super big reason I like the show but...yeah XD
Well, I also like her character because she's real too. I read the first book in the "True Blood" series, "Dead Until Dark" and its in Sookie's POV and while I was reading it, I was cheering a little bit on the inside because I totally GET where she's coming from.
Back to Twilight, I hate this half-assed little tension between Jacob and Edward. There's something similar in "True Blood" with Bill and Sam Merlotte, Sookie's boss. When he told her that he wasn't into her and was being protective and stuff, she snapped back with "Oh you waited until I found somebody to tell your feelings to me?!" and I was "YUSSS!" It is a completely real reaction to something like this and it is almost exactly what I would say. Plus she has ethics ("He's my boss, I can't go out with him anyway, that's unprofessional :/") which also rocks out loud.
So yeah, that's what I think of Twilight and also "True Blood" URGH, I'm so impatient for the second season to come out! *hop hop hop* D:
I try to ignore it and let it fade into the mist before it starts up again when it gets released on DVD.
Its one of those things where the more exposure you get, the more you develop an opinion about besides indifference. Plus, my opinion about Twilight before was really brief but straight-forward, "I don't much care for it." And now, because I've been mulling over my opposing argument and I don't have Precalculus, you can see my complete thoughts on it. Hooray.
As usual, if you think Twilight is the bee's knees, don't read this post unless you want to see WHY I don't like it. I don't care if you like it and I'm not going to make fun of you for it and unfriend you or something. It's fine if you like and I'm not going to hold it against you. :)
That being said-
First of all:
Hahaha, he compared Edward to Morrissey.
The #3, THIS is my biggest beef. I mean, I don't mean to compare me and Eric with Bella and Edward's relationship but..here it goes. When me and Eric broke, yes I was heartbroken, yes I was completely pissed off at him (as well as being pissed off at myself) but...I didn't TRY TO KILL MYSELF. Then again, I am pretty well adjusted and mostly optimistic. Eric and mine attraction to each other is much deeper than:
"You're cool."
"You're keen, too."
"I'm in love with now."
"'Kay." but then again, we were both wrestling with our mixed-up emotions for about year before taking the chance and admitting we loved each other. Edward started out STALKING Bella and watching her sleep and she decided instead to go out with him. Seriously, what could they possibly have to talk about? Wrist cutting techniques? DOWN THE ROAD, NOT ACROSS THE STREET!
I'm not just thinking about messed up Bella's decision to try to off herself because she doesn't have Edward because I know that's NOT the right thing to do in that situation...but young impressionable Twilight fans would look up to Bella don't know better. Is it setting a bad example? Damn skippy. I'm aware its fiction and its not supposed to be taken as a manual on how to live but...if you were 12 or 13 and leaning on the emo side and worship Twilight, it sounds like a good option, which it isn't. Hey, life seems like it sucks sometimes, but things DO get better. That's my optimism talking. ;)
I'm going to shoehorn my thoughts on the movie:
Love the cinematography, love the setting, hate what's going on. Seriously. Maybe its just the part of me that LOVES looking at interesting things but the way they shot the town and the woods and the scenery is fantastic. Everything is bathed in this misty, cool colored spectrum and Washington state (I think that's where its filmed) just seems like a beautiful rainy place with lovely woods. Also, I want to live in the Cullens' house.
Even if the camera is showing Bella's myriad 'Durr' faces and Edward's unnatural-looking hair, I must admit, it all is very well filmed and very pleasing to the eye. I don't CARE what they're showing me but at least it looks nice.
When me and my parents rented "Twilight", I wished Angus watched it too so we could make fun of it. I tried to but if I'm the one doing it, its not much fun plus he just comes up with funny riffs. I've thought about renting it again just so we could watch it and Mstie it.
Anyway, I guess to get to the crux of the biscuit here, the main reason I don't like Twilight is because...I don't identify with any of the characters, except Bella and only a tiny bit. The big selling point at the beginning of Twilight was she moved to Forks, Washington and she was like "MEH." to everybody and everything. See, moving around a lot, that's how I am AT FIRST at a new place. I don't know anybody, I'm really shy, I tend to stay away from people THEN somebody befriends me and then the ball of friendship goes a-rollin' and I come out of my shell a little. (I'm still mostly shy anyway but hey, that's me) Bella totally skipped that phase and just all of a sudden shut out all the people who were nice to her to be with the Weird Pale Guy Who Clearly Doesn't Belong and Looks Older Than Everybody and Acts Like He Hates Her. I don't care how hot the guy is, if he tries to avoid me for whatever reason a guy would avoid me, ("You're blood smells too nice...*runs away*) I know its a lost cause and move on. That's why I wouldn't be the star of Twilight. I'm too REAL :P
It's not just the characters I don't like...to state the obvious, its too tame for a vampire story. My mom, love her, was disappointed with the movie because there wasn't any gore or blood-sucking or violence. Edward almost isn't a vampire, just a slight extension of a Byronic hero but almost no danger. In fact...If they made Twilight set in the 1880s, Edwards mysterious Byronic temperment would make total sense and it was all the rage back then (or so I've heard) so there'd be genuine surprise when Bella found out Edward wasn't really just a guy with a lacy cravat and a velvet waistcoat and trousers but a vampire. Plus I'm pretty sure the statutory rape laws back then were much more lenient. And there'd be sensual blood sucking and bodice ripping. *nod nod nod* :D
God, that made me want to watch "Interview with a Vampire"...and write my own semi-erotic Gothic vampire story.
See, that's another thing entirely. I mean, I don't mean to compare Twilight to "True Blood" and the Sookie Stackhouse books they're based on but...if you at least IMPLY that the vampires in your fandom are hot, don't completely gloss over any and all sexy stuff. Like my mom, normal people when they think of vampires, they think of mysterious but dangerous creatures that go out and SUCK BLOOD to stay alive. They're weird that way, I guess. And its okay to be squeamish or uneasy about portraying them like that. At least "True Blood" had a nice twist with that, having a synthetic blood developed so vampires didn't HAVE to suck blood to stay alive (in a manner of speaking) but they could, if so inclined. And there's VIOLENCE! When I was watching the first season of "True Blood", you have NO idea how many times I either said (or thought) "God this is SO much better than Twilight." Because:
1. Violence. The vampires don't stand around and vaguely 'menace' the two main characters, they lash out, they kill people, they suck their blood, etc.
2. Sex. Yeah, for those of you who haven't seen it, there's sex in it. Well, it IS on HBO so why not? Sure blows away Bella and Edward's chaste lying in the grass :P
3. Humor. Yeah, "True Blood" is FUNNY, especially Sookie's brother Jason. He's so lovably stupid. XD
4. Reality. Even though Bon Temps is not a real place in Lousiana, it might as well be. The setting is believable, the characters are well portrayed and dynamic. Even characters like Andy Bellfleur and Tara's mom are more than just walking cardboard cut-outs, they're 3 dimensional people with weaknesses and flaws.
5. Sookie. *shifty eyes* I think the actress who plays her, Anna Paquin, is hot. :P
(Can I watch you guys have sex...some more? :D)
It's not a super big reason I like the show but...yeah XD
Well, I also like her character because she's real too. I read the first book in the "True Blood" series, "Dead Until Dark" and its in Sookie's POV and while I was reading it, I was cheering a little bit on the inside because I totally GET where she's coming from.
Back to Twilight, I hate this half-assed little tension between Jacob and Edward. There's something similar in "True Blood" with Bill and Sam Merlotte, Sookie's boss. When he told her that he wasn't into her and was being protective and stuff, she snapped back with "Oh you waited until I found somebody to tell your feelings to me?!" and I was "YUSSS!" It is a completely real reaction to something like this and it is almost exactly what I would say. Plus she has ethics ("He's my boss, I can't go out with him anyway, that's unprofessional :/") which also rocks out loud.
So yeah, that's what I think of Twilight and also "True Blood" URGH, I'm so impatient for the second season to come out! *hop hop hop* D: