Say It Isn't So...
Two days after his Birthday we have officially broken up.
I was in a relationship set to be doomed; I have created this mess in my own hands,
I also happen to ruin his fine nature and lied throughout this dramatic epic.
I was the blame and devil of this story; I have done so much wrong that I deserve it.
There are no more lies or embarrassment left between me, I have made him suffer…
“A year wasted” was what he said, wasted in turmoil lost of dignity and self pride. A tragedy of love that one can cause because of love, pure love, It was because of me, an issue that I love to cause troubles, lie, and act before I speak… a nature that I have nourished myself to flirt and flaunt to get attention. I’m a born liar, a born deceptive bitch. I play games with hearts and rip them out, I play with his emotions as much as I have played with others, and I spoil my routine and kill myself in this mess, brining karma back to haunt me. It hits me like a thousand bullets, the blood are my words pouring out of my mouth, and I have nothing left to say. Apologies will not last, will not mend those broken hearts that I have caused, his tears are all dried up turning into little grains of sand just to be blown into the air. To disappear to be forgotten to be left alone
How evil was I, to confess to him that all the other guys that I have spoken to were “just friends” how horrible I was to have kept this going on. How horrible I was to look at other men when I stroll hand in hand with my own, how horrible are my actions. A whore, a slut, a bitch I stand in front of him, and lie and cheat in front of his innocent face, that only spells out love… his deep eyes filled with discontent, and hatred from love, love from hatred… all mixed up… but still tell me so kindly that he truly loves me.
I’m a sick person, a cancer, I have called on boys like toys, and they have used me like a gum, only tasting its flavor and spit me back out on the floor, my mind is of weird and strange thoughts, I spur myself onto old men, men… why? Why is it that I have to lie occasionally, cry occasionally to compensate for what? The unnecessary acts I have done are all bullshit, useless, reckonings of this story… I don’t deserve to be loved, I don’t deserve to be loved by men or women or animals, I have a thousand sick fetishes don’t I? I drag on and on and on at this endless motion sickness over some person that should not mean anything to me… but I can put someone so unimportant into my life and choose him over Tam. I can easily put up my hand and choose the boy in my class over Tam, I can easily give upon naïve kisses to old men and not even look at Tam, I can easily engage sexual thoughts with others that have played me like a flute.
To sing songs in my left ear, and whisper cold-hearted words in the other, I fall asleep in my own trance and slit the wounds open so it will scab… sooner or later I will have eaten this relationship up…. I destroyed this… I destroyed all.
I have made my parents and friends turned against Tam, I have told them a side of a story making Tam the victim of my game, making him the enemy, manipulating all others to go against Tam… but no… my parents love him, and I’m glad my mom knows the truth now. Tam was sitting in the shadows for all this year, under the impression that he was to be the one to be blamed, sitting in a pile of guilt, only because it was I who started it, I have made all this, I’m just as bad as Iago… just as bad as my father, just as bad as a cheater, I can’t get any worst can I? A cold hearted bitch I am, I grit my teeth and lie with my eyes open and cry to cover up my mistakes and turn heads to make him feel guilty and blame him for the doing it.
He has done nothing wrong in this relationship, he has sacrificed the most, he has taken hits more then me the hardest ones, the lightest ones, he caught them all, because he loves me… he will never take a miss because he knew in which path he may go he’d stand directly in front of me, just so I could hit something so I would not fall, even if it caused him the most pain… he’d catch me no matter what… he’d catch me even if he knew the pain that’d he would have to take, but yet….
Its love… love… thank you for loving me sadly I have taken granted of it, you have always been there for me…
I wish I could say I love you but how could I, after all I have done… I don’t know what love is…
I’m the devil that deceit, manipulates, and dwell in people’s emotions and cause fear and bleak and I gave my soul long ago to Hell.
Good Bye
And
The End