tonight i break the surface
so i almost attempted an entry this morning. but i stopped because i did not feel like reading such an entry later and being like bleh julie being stupid.
so i went downstairs and i ate soup and watched It's a Wonderful Life because no one would with me so i was just like fine i'll watch it by myself. and it was great. and im glad i was by myself because it gave me a chance to think and stuff. i want what George Bailey has. i want that happy ending. that happy ending that doesnt seem like a happy ending at first {because you are so preoccupied thinking about other things}, but then you see what everyone would be like without you and you realize that you love everyone and everything around you. and maybe i already have that, but i just cant see it until you show me.
i dont want to be insecure anymore. i want to be selfish for once, without feeling badly about it. but maybe i already have without realizing it.
i am lucky and from now on i will be thankful for what i have and not read so far into things.
i will take today as a lesson of that.