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Jun 29, 2009 19:32

While I would never give up my acute memory, there are times it seems more like a curse than blessing.

[Private; hackable]

Perhaps it is the time of year, or perhaps the mention of the ball, it brings back memories from last year. I feel like a fool for writing any of this, but I would hope it helps...

... is it more cathartic knowing someone might be able to read it? God, I am such a foolish fool.

... I remember when I heard of the ball last year. At the time I most certainly wanted to go with Miles Edgeworth rather than Mr. Vash. The evening was a surprisingly fruitful one, if for no other reason than providing me with such nice tea. I remember at the time I discovered a feeling of ire towards Phoenix Wright. I now know the root of that feeling, but at the time I did not. At the time, whether it was events from our past or his closeness to Miles Edgeworth that caused my disdain for him, I did not know. I loathe to admit, but I cannot deny the possibility that I the root then was jealousy.

I remember being rather favorable at Aizen's onsen party, mostly due to Miles' company. A few drinks later in the evening, all the foolishness began. I haven't drank since.

After that I essentially didn't speak with Miles. It ... wasn't the best of times. Heather was helpful convenient ... comforting in those times. Though she could be a bothersome fool, I do believe she always had what she thought was best for me in mind. I miss her. I hope she's well. No, I'm sure she's enjoying women and song or some foolishness. There's no need to worry about her.

She did say some bothersome things, though, didn't she? I remember her attempting to convince me that a relationship with Miles would have been alright despite being siblings on the foundation of our not being blood related. For a little while, I thought that she might have been right. I asked Miles to come to the festival with me, and he disappeared.

At the time, I remember regretting not wishing for something to do with him. I remember hating him afterwards. It was an over reaction. That hate was stirred up when I saw him again... when I remembered the man who left me behind, with all of these complicated and vexing feelings. Those feelings have subsided, and yet...

A foolish part of me wonders, it entertains the thought of fulfilling that year old regret of not going to the ball with Miles Edgeworth, because... for the life of me, I cannot remember him as a brother. If a brother and a sister can't remember their past, they will always have a bond of blood, some concrete proof of their relation to one another, but if an adopted brother and sister have no memories of their life together, are they still... ?

It's neither here nor there. It's all foolishness. All of it. Edgeworth doesn't remember any of it.

I wish I didn't either.

... I'm afraid I actually don't feel like I've accomplished anything but making an emotional fool out of myself.
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