Screwed up English
Another quote from a book to brighten the day a little. Well... to tell you the truth it's a series of quotes as the book is nothing BUT quotes.
It's called "Screwed up English" by Charlie Croker.
As I already said with my entry about Canada's Official Dress Code, I'm not making any money off this. I never have and never will. I'm just sharing the joy around.
That said this is definitely a good book to read. I bought it for my younger sister a few months back and we both absolutely love it!
Instructions on a Korean flight:
Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.
Page 3
Danish airline:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Page 5
At Heathrow airport, London:
No electric people carrying vehicles past this point.
Page 7
Qatar:
Please do not use the elevator when it is not working.
Paris, France
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Page 10
Baghdad, Iraq:
No consummation whatever may take place in this foyer.
Page 12
India:
Welcome to the Hotel Cosy: where no one's stranger.
In a hotel cloakroom, Berlin, Germany:
Please hang yourself here.
Page 14
Weifang, China:
Invisible service is available for your rest being not disturbed.
Page 20
Dalat, Vietname:
LAUNDRY BAG
19: Skirt
20: Stocking
21: Hand Kerchief
22: Big Towel
23: Small Towel
24: Hat
25: Shoes
26: Tie
27: Price of ironing
28: Car with 12 to 14 seats
29: Car with 4 seats
Page 22
Japan:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid
Page 30
Sign on the door of an italian restaurant, Osaka, Japan:
Hospitality now, or in 10 minutes.
Page 70
Sign outside Chinese store:
We try our best to decrease your life.
Page 109
Sign over a pet store in Osaka, Japan:
Fondle dogs.
Page 110
Outside a tailor's in Hong Kong:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs
Page 111
On a fabric label on material in a Wal-Mart in Ontario, Canada:
100 percent unknown
Page 113
Various product names from around the world:
Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues
Kolic - Japanese mineral water
Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer
Last Climax - Japanese tissues
Ass Glue - Chinese glue
Swine - Chinese chocolates
LIbido - Chinese soda
Ban Cock - Indian cockroach repellent
Shocking - Japanese chewing gum
Homo sausage - East Asian fish sausage
Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels
Hornyphon - Austrian video recorder
Chocolate colon - Japanese cookie
Shitto - Ghanian pepper sauce
Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade
Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent
Page 120
Jar of Jam in India:
Contains no fruit whatsoever.
Page 123
Hotel elevator in Tokyo, Japan:
Do not open door until door opens first.
Page 145
Japan Zoo:
Children found straying will be taken to the lion house.
Page 147
It's called "Screwed up English" by Charlie Croker.
As I already said with my entry about Canada's Official Dress Code, I'm not making any money off this. I never have and never will. I'm just sharing the joy around.
That said this is definitely a good book to read. I bought it for my younger sister a few months back and we both absolutely love it!
Instructions on a Korean flight:
Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.
Page 3
Danish airline:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Page 5
At Heathrow airport, London:
No electric people carrying vehicles past this point.
Page 7
Qatar:
Please do not use the elevator when it is not working.
Paris, France
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Page 10
Baghdad, Iraq:
No consummation whatever may take place in this foyer.
Page 12
India:
Welcome to the Hotel Cosy: where no one's stranger.
In a hotel cloakroom, Berlin, Germany:
Please hang yourself here.
Page 14
Weifang, China:
Invisible service is available for your rest being not disturbed.
Page 20
Dalat, Vietname:
LAUNDRY BAG
19: Skirt
20: Stocking
21: Hand Kerchief
22: Big Towel
23: Small Towel
24: Hat
25: Shoes
26: Tie
27: Price of ironing
28: Car with 12 to 14 seats
29: Car with 4 seats
Page 22
Japan:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid
Page 30
Sign on the door of an italian restaurant, Osaka, Japan:
Hospitality now, or in 10 minutes.
Page 70
Sign outside Chinese store:
We try our best to decrease your life.
Page 109
Sign over a pet store in Osaka, Japan:
Fondle dogs.
Page 110
Outside a tailor's in Hong Kong:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs
Page 111
On a fabric label on material in a Wal-Mart in Ontario, Canada:
100 percent unknown
Page 113
Various product names from around the world:
Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues
Kolic - Japanese mineral water
Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer
Last Climax - Japanese tissues
Ass Glue - Chinese glue
Swine - Chinese chocolates
LIbido - Chinese soda
Ban Cock - Indian cockroach repellent
Shocking - Japanese chewing gum
Homo sausage - East Asian fish sausage
Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels
Hornyphon - Austrian video recorder
Chocolate colon - Japanese cookie
Shitto - Ghanian pepper sauce
Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade
Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent
Page 120
Jar of Jam in India:
Contains no fruit whatsoever.
Page 123
Hotel elevator in Tokyo, Japan:
Do not open door until door opens first.
Page 145
Japan Zoo:
Children found straying will be taken to the lion house.
Page 147