(no subject)
Jo stopped Ellen outside the room, when the older Harvelle woman came to relief her from caring for Sam four hours later.
“Didn’t wanna have to give you report inside. Dean just went to sleep and Sam hasn’t been out too long either.“ She explained.
“How are things going?”
“Actually, Sam had a few of those awful coughing spells, but his temp held pretty steady. He has been sleeping most the time until I gave him the last treatment, he didn’t go back to sleep right after that. And Dean has been a pain, constantly worrying about every noise Sam made. I finally got him to take his pain meds again and he settled down.”
“Well, I’m not surprised!” Ellen grinned, “I just hope Sam’s fever will stay down.”
“I hope so too!” Her daughter agreed.
Leaving to go to the bar room, she stopped and turned back to face the other woman.
“You know, I think I came to a conclusion today.” She paused, hesitating for a moment.
Ellen gave her an encouraging smile, already having an idea what she was going to say.
“I couldn’t get over what happened, what Sam did to me.” She looked at her mother, before continuing, “Okay, I know he was possessed by a demon, when he hit and almost…”She stopped, still having a hard time remembering the events, “…almost raped me, but somehow I still blamed him. I mean, I trusted him before and then this happened and I just couldn’t believe that he wasn’t at partially responsible for it.”
Once again she paused, trying to pull herself together, “Today I saw something different though. The way Sam took care of Dean, although he was worse off than his brother and how he was almost afraid to hold on to me, when I tried to get him back to bed, this wasn’t how someone would act that almost raped me. He was so gentle with Dean and he put as little weight as possible on me. But there was more to it, it’s like he feels guilty for what happened.”
“He probably does!” Ellen locked eyes with her, “Look, I know I haven’t really had a very high opinion of those boys myself, not after what happened in Chicago. It just brought back to many memories of what happened with your dad and their father. But I know I was wrong. They saved you and brought you back. And the rest, well, let’s just say, I know you!”
“Yeah, I made them let me stay there.”
“Guess you are your father’s daughter.” She smiled again, “I don’t think you remember that much, but John brought those boys by a lot when he went hunting with your dad. Sam was only a little tod then, barely older than you at the time, but Dean was already his protector. But it went both ways, if Dean got hurt or was sick, Sammy would cling to his side until he was better. Those boys were always inseparable. In a way they had only each other, their dad was gone a lot and never had a lot of understanding for what kids really need, can’t blame him though.”
“But what about the guilt? I understand now that he didn’t have control over his actions, so why in the world would he feel guilty?” Jo’s expression showed that she was at a loss.
“I think that’s just who he is - a Winchester. They have never been able to accept that there are things out of their control. I heard some things from other hunters about what Sam did while under the control of that demon and it wasn’t pretty. Let’s just say, what he almost did to you was one of the least. But I also talked to Bobby and he told me that it took the kid weeks to even look him in the eyes.”
There was a moment of silence, before the younger woman said, “Guess I should let him know…”
“Yeah that might be a good idea! Now get out of here, you can relieve me in four hours again.”
SN SN SN SN SN
After checking on her two patients and finding both of them asleep, Ellen sat down in the chair beside Sam’s bed and opened the book she brought. It had been a while since she last found time to read anything not related to hunting. Settling back comfortably, she started to read, finding it not difficult to get drawn in by book, a biography of the men, who signed the declaration of independence. Yet as a trained hunter she also kept her ears open to everything going on in her environment. So she didn’t miss the soft noise coming from the younger hunter. Looking up, she noted his head moving around on the pillow and an occasional moan accompanying the wheezing respirations. Sliding over to sit on the bed, she calmingly laid her hand on his brow.
“Dammit kid, you’re burning up again!” She whispered, controlling her voice enough to not wake the older brother.
There was no response from the ill young man, except of his head continuing to roll from one side to the other. She checked the clock, finding that it was still a while before the next dose of antibiotics was due.
Torn between wanting to stay close and the need to take action, she finally decided on the latter. Leaving for the kitchen, she returned with a bowl filled with ice and a bottle of Tylenol. She set the medication down on the nightstand, picking up the empty glass that stood on it, taking it and the bowl to the bathroom, where she filled both with water.
As soon as she settled back down beside Sam, she reached for the medication and shook two of the extra strength tablets into her hand.
“Sam, I need you to wake up for me!” She coached him, “I have some medication for you.”
A soft groan came from the young man, before his eyes opened to small slits.
“D’n…”
“No, it’s Ellen.”
“D’n, thirsty…”
Realizing he wasn’t completely with her, she put her hand behind his neck, supporting his head. Picking up the glass, she held it up against his lips, letting him feel the moisture. Almost immediately his mouth opened and he greedily sucked in the cooling liquid. She let him take a few sips, before lowering the glass. The reaction was instantaneous, as his eyes opened wide and a protesting gasp escaped his lips.
“Sssssh, it’s alright, I got more for you, but first I need you to take the meds.” She soothed, sliding the tablets into his mouth.
At first she thought he would spit them out again, but as soon as she touched the glass to his lips again, he allowed the water to enter, swallowing as long as she held it there. This time, when she pulled it away there was no protest, his head relaxing against her hand, as his eyes closed again.
Thankful for small blessings, she set the glass down and dipped a washcloth into ice water filled bowl. Wringing it out, she cooled his face and neck, before repeating the action, this time folding the cloth and laying it on the young man’s forehead. Once more she looked at the clock. It was still early, but she decided it was late enough to start the antibiotic.
Having pulled it out of the refrigerator earlier to give the solution a chance to warm up, she retrieved it from the kitchen, hanging the small bag on the wall hook that was placed above the bed for just this purpose. After flushing the IV access with saline and making sure the line was purged of air and she connected them, regulating the flow to a slow drip. If this wasn’t going to work, she would have to start the other antibiotic Doc White left.
For a while she just sat there, monitoring the IV and changing the cold compress on Sam’s forehead every few minutes. Letting her hand rest on the dark haired head her mind slid back to a time, when she didn’t have to put up a tough front all the time. Sure she and Bill both came from hunter families, but after they got married and Jo was born, they decided it would be better, if she wouldn’t hunt any longer. That’s why they had bought the Roadhouse. And for a while even Bill slowed down, only going out to help friends or if there was a threat in the area. It was a good time and she remembered the times they spent as a family and even the ones, when Jo had come down with a bout of flu or a cold brought back fond memories, as her daughter’s illnesses had never been serious but always given them opportunities to spend more quality time together. Sadly all this changed when Bill was killed and she not only had to take care of the business on her own, but also got drawn back into the occasional hunt.
“D’n…, no…h’rt…please…”
The pleading voice drew her out of her thoughts, just as the head underneath her hand pulled away. At the same moment the thrashing started, as long legs threw off the blanket and Sam’s arms moved around, his hands reaching for something that wasn’t there.
Reacting with lightning speed, Ellen grabbed hold of the lean wrists trying to push them down to the bed, afraid the movement would pull out the IV line. A guttural scream escaped the young man, as he continued to fight her and even though he was weakened by injury and illness, she was unable to hold him down.
“Sam, it’s alright, you’re safe. Dean is okay too!” She kept her voice as calm as possible, while struggling with the delirious young man.
“No…can’t stay…need…get Dean!” Glassy hazels stared at her, not really seeing her; as he continued to call for his brother until harsh coughing made him double over.
Recognizing the lack of air by the bluish color of his lips, she once more attempted unsuccessfully to settle him into the pillow. She needed to get the oxygen on him, but also knew as soon as she let go of his wrist the IV cannula would be out. Close to panic, she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, before the same hand gently moved her to the side.
“It’s alright, I’ve got him.”
She looked at Dean, but didn’t protest, when the older Winchester grabbed hold of Sam’s hand.
“Sammy, it’s okay, I’m here now!”
For just a second the older Harvelle woman couldn’t believe her eyes at the change happening in front of her. As soon as Dean held his brother’s hand, the younger man stopped thrashing, his movements seizing completely as soon as he heard the other man’s voice. There was no resistance, when Dean pulled him upright and settled him against his chest, one hand sliding through the moist mop of hair, his other supported Sam’s upper body while barking coughs interrupted by desperate attempts to draw in air shook the younger sibling.
Grateful when Ellen slipped the oxygen tubing under Sam’s nose and right after that handed him the nebulizer mask, Dean pressed the contraption against his brother’s face, never once interrupting the flow of soothing reassurances he whispered into the other’s ear.
The harsh barking sounds calmed somewhat halfway through the treatment, but the inhalation was almost finished when they completely stilled. By that time, exhausted from not just the cough and struggle for air, but also the fighting before that, Sam had gone completely limp in Dean’s arms.
Ellen took the mask from the older Winchester’s hand. Although Sam’s lips returned to a healthier color, both decided to leave the oxygen tubing in place for now.
“I’ll help you settle him back on the pillows!” She offered, observing the pain lines on between his eyes.
“I’m fine; he is breathing much easier this way.” Dean assured her just a little too fast.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not gonna do Sam any favors by hurting yourself!” Her voice left no room for protest.
Gently she reached underneath the younger man’s arms and lifted him up enough for Dean to move out from behind him. Hearing the suppressed moan, she knew she made the right call. She allowed him to fluff up and position the pillows, before she settle Sam onto them, making sure the oxygen tubing was still in place, before she pulled the blanket up to his chest.
“Sit down before you face plant on my carpet!” She demanded, adding with a smile, “If you behave, I’ll let you sit with Sam for a while.”
There was no way for her to understand any of the mumbling she received for an answer and she was sure it was better that way, but the older brother sat down and after making himself as comfortable as possible, he reached over to hold on to Sam’s hand.
“I’m going to get some fresh ice water. Do you want some water?”
Receiving an affirmative nod, she left the room. There was no change in either of her patient’s position when she returned. Putting the glass down beside Dean, she went to fill the bowl with water. After she proceeded to wet the cloth in the icy liquid, she handed it to the older Winchester, who in turn put it across Sam’s forehead.
“He is still way too hot!” He quietly stated, worry lining his pale face.
“Give it time; hopefully this dose of antibiotic will make a difference. It isn’t all the way in yet and it could take a couple hours before you see the full effect.” Hoping she was right, she added, “At least he is resting now.”
“Means nothing, he just worn himself down with all that thrashing around.”
“Maybe, but it would have gotten much worse, if it wasn’t for you!” Ellen observed.
For the first time Dean looked at her and smiled, “Yeah well, kid always needs me when he is sick, makes him feel safe.”
The hardened woman smiled, taking the pillow and blanket off the other bed.
“Here, let me put the pillow behind you!” She ordered, putting it in place as soon as the older man leaned slightly forward, before laying the blanket over his legs.
Another smile escaped her, when she noticed that Dean never let go of his brother’s hand throughout the whole process. She turned off the ceiling light, leaving only the small reading lamp on to illuminate the room, before she pulled the second upholstered chair out of the corner over to the bed and settled into it. It was going to be a long night.
TBC
“Didn’t wanna have to give you report inside. Dean just went to sleep and Sam hasn’t been out too long either.“ She explained.
“How are things going?”
“Actually, Sam had a few of those awful coughing spells, but his temp held pretty steady. He has been sleeping most the time until I gave him the last treatment, he didn’t go back to sleep right after that. And Dean has been a pain, constantly worrying about every noise Sam made. I finally got him to take his pain meds again and he settled down.”
“Well, I’m not surprised!” Ellen grinned, “I just hope Sam’s fever will stay down.”
“I hope so too!” Her daughter agreed.
Leaving to go to the bar room, she stopped and turned back to face the other woman.
“You know, I think I came to a conclusion today.” She paused, hesitating for a moment.
Ellen gave her an encouraging smile, already having an idea what she was going to say.
“I couldn’t get over what happened, what Sam did to me.” She looked at her mother, before continuing, “Okay, I know he was possessed by a demon, when he hit and almost…”She stopped, still having a hard time remembering the events, “…almost raped me, but somehow I still blamed him. I mean, I trusted him before and then this happened and I just couldn’t believe that he wasn’t at partially responsible for it.”
Once again she paused, trying to pull herself together, “Today I saw something different though. The way Sam took care of Dean, although he was worse off than his brother and how he was almost afraid to hold on to me, when I tried to get him back to bed, this wasn’t how someone would act that almost raped me. He was so gentle with Dean and he put as little weight as possible on me. But there was more to it, it’s like he feels guilty for what happened.”
“He probably does!” Ellen locked eyes with her, “Look, I know I haven’t really had a very high opinion of those boys myself, not after what happened in Chicago. It just brought back to many memories of what happened with your dad and their father. But I know I was wrong. They saved you and brought you back. And the rest, well, let’s just say, I know you!”
“Yeah, I made them let me stay there.”
“Guess you are your father’s daughter.” She smiled again, “I don’t think you remember that much, but John brought those boys by a lot when he went hunting with your dad. Sam was only a little tod then, barely older than you at the time, but Dean was already his protector. But it went both ways, if Dean got hurt or was sick, Sammy would cling to his side until he was better. Those boys were always inseparable. In a way they had only each other, their dad was gone a lot and never had a lot of understanding for what kids really need, can’t blame him though.”
“But what about the guilt? I understand now that he didn’t have control over his actions, so why in the world would he feel guilty?” Jo’s expression showed that she was at a loss.
“I think that’s just who he is - a Winchester. They have never been able to accept that there are things out of their control. I heard some things from other hunters about what Sam did while under the control of that demon and it wasn’t pretty. Let’s just say, what he almost did to you was one of the least. But I also talked to Bobby and he told me that it took the kid weeks to even look him in the eyes.”
There was a moment of silence, before the younger woman said, “Guess I should let him know…”
“Yeah that might be a good idea! Now get out of here, you can relieve me in four hours again.”
SN SN SN SN SN
After checking on her two patients and finding both of them asleep, Ellen sat down in the chair beside Sam’s bed and opened the book she brought. It had been a while since she last found time to read anything not related to hunting. Settling back comfortably, she started to read, finding it not difficult to get drawn in by book, a biography of the men, who signed the declaration of independence. Yet as a trained hunter she also kept her ears open to everything going on in her environment. So she didn’t miss the soft noise coming from the younger hunter. Looking up, she noted his head moving around on the pillow and an occasional moan accompanying the wheezing respirations. Sliding over to sit on the bed, she calmingly laid her hand on his brow.
“Dammit kid, you’re burning up again!” She whispered, controlling her voice enough to not wake the older brother.
There was no response from the ill young man, except of his head continuing to roll from one side to the other. She checked the clock, finding that it was still a while before the next dose of antibiotics was due.
Torn between wanting to stay close and the need to take action, she finally decided on the latter. Leaving for the kitchen, she returned with a bowl filled with ice and a bottle of Tylenol. She set the medication down on the nightstand, picking up the empty glass that stood on it, taking it and the bowl to the bathroom, where she filled both with water.
As soon as she settled back down beside Sam, she reached for the medication and shook two of the extra strength tablets into her hand.
“Sam, I need you to wake up for me!” She coached him, “I have some medication for you.”
A soft groan came from the young man, before his eyes opened to small slits.
“D’n…”
“No, it’s Ellen.”
“D’n, thirsty…”
Realizing he wasn’t completely with her, she put her hand behind his neck, supporting his head. Picking up the glass, she held it up against his lips, letting him feel the moisture. Almost immediately his mouth opened and he greedily sucked in the cooling liquid. She let him take a few sips, before lowering the glass. The reaction was instantaneous, as his eyes opened wide and a protesting gasp escaped his lips.
“Sssssh, it’s alright, I got more for you, but first I need you to take the meds.” She soothed, sliding the tablets into his mouth.
At first she thought he would spit them out again, but as soon as she touched the glass to his lips again, he allowed the water to enter, swallowing as long as she held it there. This time, when she pulled it away there was no protest, his head relaxing against her hand, as his eyes closed again.
Thankful for small blessings, she set the glass down and dipped a washcloth into ice water filled bowl. Wringing it out, she cooled his face and neck, before repeating the action, this time folding the cloth and laying it on the young man’s forehead. Once more she looked at the clock. It was still early, but she decided it was late enough to start the antibiotic.
Having pulled it out of the refrigerator earlier to give the solution a chance to warm up, she retrieved it from the kitchen, hanging the small bag on the wall hook that was placed above the bed for just this purpose. After flushing the IV access with saline and making sure the line was purged of air and she connected them, regulating the flow to a slow drip. If this wasn’t going to work, she would have to start the other antibiotic Doc White left.
For a while she just sat there, monitoring the IV and changing the cold compress on Sam’s forehead every few minutes. Letting her hand rest on the dark haired head her mind slid back to a time, when she didn’t have to put up a tough front all the time. Sure she and Bill both came from hunter families, but after they got married and Jo was born, they decided it would be better, if she wouldn’t hunt any longer. That’s why they had bought the Roadhouse. And for a while even Bill slowed down, only going out to help friends or if there was a threat in the area. It was a good time and she remembered the times they spent as a family and even the ones, when Jo had come down with a bout of flu or a cold brought back fond memories, as her daughter’s illnesses had never been serious but always given them opportunities to spend more quality time together. Sadly all this changed when Bill was killed and she not only had to take care of the business on her own, but also got drawn back into the occasional hunt.
“D’n…, no…h’rt…please…”
The pleading voice drew her out of her thoughts, just as the head underneath her hand pulled away. At the same moment the thrashing started, as long legs threw off the blanket and Sam’s arms moved around, his hands reaching for something that wasn’t there.
Reacting with lightning speed, Ellen grabbed hold of the lean wrists trying to push them down to the bed, afraid the movement would pull out the IV line. A guttural scream escaped the young man, as he continued to fight her and even though he was weakened by injury and illness, she was unable to hold him down.
“Sam, it’s alright, you’re safe. Dean is okay too!” She kept her voice as calm as possible, while struggling with the delirious young man.
“No…can’t stay…need…get Dean!” Glassy hazels stared at her, not really seeing her; as he continued to call for his brother until harsh coughing made him double over.
Recognizing the lack of air by the bluish color of his lips, she once more attempted unsuccessfully to settle him into the pillow. She needed to get the oxygen on him, but also knew as soon as she let go of his wrist the IV cannula would be out. Close to panic, she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, before the same hand gently moved her to the side.
“It’s alright, I’ve got him.”
She looked at Dean, but didn’t protest, when the older Winchester grabbed hold of Sam’s hand.
“Sammy, it’s okay, I’m here now!”
For just a second the older Harvelle woman couldn’t believe her eyes at the change happening in front of her. As soon as Dean held his brother’s hand, the younger man stopped thrashing, his movements seizing completely as soon as he heard the other man’s voice. There was no resistance, when Dean pulled him upright and settled him against his chest, one hand sliding through the moist mop of hair, his other supported Sam’s upper body while barking coughs interrupted by desperate attempts to draw in air shook the younger sibling.
Grateful when Ellen slipped the oxygen tubing under Sam’s nose and right after that handed him the nebulizer mask, Dean pressed the contraption against his brother’s face, never once interrupting the flow of soothing reassurances he whispered into the other’s ear.
The harsh barking sounds calmed somewhat halfway through the treatment, but the inhalation was almost finished when they completely stilled. By that time, exhausted from not just the cough and struggle for air, but also the fighting before that, Sam had gone completely limp in Dean’s arms.
Ellen took the mask from the older Winchester’s hand. Although Sam’s lips returned to a healthier color, both decided to leave the oxygen tubing in place for now.
“I’ll help you settle him back on the pillows!” She offered, observing the pain lines on between his eyes.
“I’m fine; he is breathing much easier this way.” Dean assured her just a little too fast.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not gonna do Sam any favors by hurting yourself!” Her voice left no room for protest.
Gently she reached underneath the younger man’s arms and lifted him up enough for Dean to move out from behind him. Hearing the suppressed moan, she knew she made the right call. She allowed him to fluff up and position the pillows, before she settle Sam onto them, making sure the oxygen tubing was still in place, before she pulled the blanket up to his chest.
“Sit down before you face plant on my carpet!” She demanded, adding with a smile, “If you behave, I’ll let you sit with Sam for a while.”
There was no way for her to understand any of the mumbling she received for an answer and she was sure it was better that way, but the older brother sat down and after making himself as comfortable as possible, he reached over to hold on to Sam’s hand.
“I’m going to get some fresh ice water. Do you want some water?”
Receiving an affirmative nod, she left the room. There was no change in either of her patient’s position when she returned. Putting the glass down beside Dean, she went to fill the bowl with water. After she proceeded to wet the cloth in the icy liquid, she handed it to the older Winchester, who in turn put it across Sam’s forehead.
“He is still way too hot!” He quietly stated, worry lining his pale face.
“Give it time; hopefully this dose of antibiotic will make a difference. It isn’t all the way in yet and it could take a couple hours before you see the full effect.” Hoping she was right, she added, “At least he is resting now.”
“Means nothing, he just worn himself down with all that thrashing around.”
“Maybe, but it would have gotten much worse, if it wasn’t for you!” Ellen observed.
For the first time Dean looked at her and smiled, “Yeah well, kid always needs me when he is sick, makes him feel safe.”
The hardened woman smiled, taking the pillow and blanket off the other bed.
“Here, let me put the pillow behind you!” She ordered, putting it in place as soon as the older man leaned slightly forward, before laying the blanket over his legs.
Another smile escaped her, when she noticed that Dean never let go of his brother’s hand throughout the whole process. She turned off the ceiling light, leaving only the small reading lamp on to illuminate the room, before she pulled the second upholstered chair out of the corner over to the bed and settled into it. It was going to be a long night.
TBC