WHOA...
Whoa is right..
So tonight I had my cards read...yea right whatever that doesn't work for shit. Thats what I was saying yesterday. Today it is a changed story.
I can understand myself a little bit better now. I understand why it is that I can look, act, and sound so happy but at the same time feel so miserable inside. I always knew why but the times and things at the back of my mind always hurt so bad to recall that I never addressed my need to get over it. It is going to take a lot of physical and emotional and maybe even some communicational energy (I like energy cuz I like to think it is what has held me together thus far) to be truly happy with myself.
In analyzing myself and my influence I now know how I need the most help from and who is going to be the most supportive for me on my reflective journey. Although I knew before hand who those people were, and even the person/people who I need to overcome, it was mind blowing for someone else who I have talked to three times in my life to tell me the honest truth about them.
If I can overcome(literally the card had a man with swords sticking in him every which way...painful to see and think about) that thing which has haunted me through out life then the future seems quite bright. I have put boundary's around myself, the fear/hope card really hit me. Its really indescribable.
The kicker was the end because it is what I wanted and and waited to hear about. To see it in my new life helps me reach and push for it. In general I'm a go getter. I like urgency and getting things done, making quick and honest decisions while still taking the least but fullest amount of time. It is going to take me some time to get it all straight in my head. The urgency of project me is not too great and I think that is what I like best about it. The ending card makes everything worthwhile and I can't wait for it.
I want to make a mental comment about each card but I want to figure things out in my head first. If I wrote this shit down on paper I was lose it, so I figure might as well make use of this mfing journal baby!
Only because I want to remember for later refection
Present:
King of Swords
Death from swords
man of the wand
collecting swords
The fool (very important)
Future:
Queen of wands
King of cups
Ten wands
Knightish thing of cups
So tonight I had my cards read...yea right whatever that doesn't work for shit. Thats what I was saying yesterday. Today it is a changed story.
I can understand myself a little bit better now. I understand why it is that I can look, act, and sound so happy but at the same time feel so miserable inside. I always knew why but the times and things at the back of my mind always hurt so bad to recall that I never addressed my need to get over it. It is going to take a lot of physical and emotional and maybe even some communicational energy (I like energy cuz I like to think it is what has held me together thus far) to be truly happy with myself.
In analyzing myself and my influence I now know how I need the most help from and who is going to be the most supportive for me on my reflective journey. Although I knew before hand who those people were, and even the person/people who I need to overcome, it was mind blowing for someone else who I have talked to three times in my life to tell me the honest truth about them.
If I can overcome(literally the card had a man with swords sticking in him every which way...painful to see and think about) that thing which has haunted me through out life then the future seems quite bright. I have put boundary's around myself, the fear/hope card really hit me. Its really indescribable.
The kicker was the end because it is what I wanted and and waited to hear about. To see it in my new life helps me reach and push for it. In general I'm a go getter. I like urgency and getting things done, making quick and honest decisions while still taking the least but fullest amount of time. It is going to take me some time to get it all straight in my head. The urgency of project me is not too great and I think that is what I like best about it. The ending card makes everything worthwhile and I can't wait for it.
I want to make a mental comment about each card but I want to figure things out in my head first. If I wrote this shit down on paper I was lose it, so I figure might as well make use of this mfing journal baby!
Only because I want to remember for later refection
Present:
King of Swords
Death from swords
man of the wand
collecting swords
The fool (very important)
Future:
Queen of wands
King of cups
Ten wands
Knightish thing of cups