life: observations of self
so this weekend i barely missed the riot. emily thinks we left at 11pm, the riot started at 11:30pm. i think we did good there. but anyway. aside from that, it was the first time i'd been around people other than family who i wasn't afraid to ramble around. i talk to maggie and sandra on the phone, and i chatter sometimes on aim (just not lately) and other than that i have my dad playing devil's advocate, and my sister being her normal arrogant self. and that's it for my input and feedback loop.
so i was super excited to be able to poke and prod emily and janine on politics. the only catch, of course, being that in my excitement, my brain blanked. the only thing i knew was mccain = evil. even after 2 margarittas and 2 pina coladas, janine and emily both were capable of more intelligent contributions than *that.* i was only a little more capable in the conversation we moved on to regarding religion, but that's because, hey, my class on the subject sunk in!! i just remember nothing of my bible study from when i was age 3 to 12. em and janine both attend church more regularly than i do, so they had the bible facts, i had the non-christian viepoint questions. and that was fun. but on politics? i fell on my face.
today, i did it again, basically. emily and i went on a walk in the park. only distraction was lil' miss mia, and i brought aussie. aussie and mia both were perfectly well behaved. so the discussion of the riots lead very naturally in to politics, (because i'm most unimpressed with how that was handled by the local PD in the vids i found on you tube. the explorers could have formed a better line in riot gear. MTV and youtube both apparently covered it btw.) and i found that in my contributions to the political discussion, i was again offering little more than "mccain = evil!" and the educated observations i make in LJ were no where to be found in my brain. it was mostly emotive, ie: no on prop 8 because prop 8 = legalized prejudice, and hey, "small business" means companies making less than 2.5 million a year so it's not like they're hurting for tax breaks like the rest of us.
and on the prop 8 thing, i pointed out, what's the big concern about the "sanctity" of marriage when half the kids in elementary school are from broken homes with mom and dad both working on their third spouse? note to self: not a very considerate thing to point out to someone who's on her second marriage. the kid may be the result of the second marriage, but the first marriage is still at the back of the mommy's brain. i tried to back up and explain my intent was not that divorce = bad, but rather that there is a recognition that some pairings work and some dont and there's no residual scandal about getting a divorce in modern society. and in my defense, i've never considered emily's first marriage a real marriage 'cause the guy was a scam artist and he was working her over from the get-go. from the outside looking in, i've always felt "peter and emily" is the real deal, like my mom and dad are the real deal.
but still, i just rambled and didn't contribute effectively to the conversation at that point. emily followed up by turning the conversation to one of the other propositions on the ballot this year, one i hadn't even heard of. i had focused on prop 8's language and on the language of a few props directly concerning law enforcement, and somehow completely missed an inititve that would create a subway-like system akin to that of the east coast, this one connecting LA and the northstate. i was just open mouthed and silently thinking "dude, that'd be cool..." and emily's saying "it's being proposed to lighten the traffic and help the environment... but the effects of it wouldn't be felt for years and in the meantime it's a lot of money we don't have. you really need to read the ballot book." and i half-heartedly defended that i had, just somehow missed prop # 1A... STUPID much?
monday night in math class, the teacher was late, so the rest of the class was all abuzz about the riot, because most of them were participants in it. the view of the kids there was that the riot was the coolest thing that had EVER happened in chico and the police were stupid for having broken it up at all. the common opinion was that the cops were stupid for having broken up the party at the frat house that started the riot. the cops were stupid for having brought in the fire trucks to put out the SEVEN couches burning at SEVEN intersections in downtown chico. the cops were arrogant and young punks out on a power trip. and listening to that, i was just amazed and dismayed and angered at the attitudes of these college students. they were rejoicing in anarchy and putting down any attempts at public safety. i pulled out my cell phone and played bejeweled and made myself ignore them. even after the prof got there i was playing the cell phone game because the class in general then put down everything the prof said, openly and without regard to the actual context of her words. she was the "them" and the class was the "us" still riding high from the riot, so they were not going to tolerate being taught anything. it took over a half hour for the prof to regain any semblance of control. and i was so frustrated i wanted to just walk out. i didn't stand up and leave tho, just like i never once stood up and told the class to shove it and leave if they don't like the prof. i didn't try to raise my voice as a back-up to the teacher. just sat there fuming.
yea for effective communication in action.
so accordingly, i'm feeling more than a little out of touch. my priorities are on law enforcement and social welfare, because of my experience as a volunteer in both. my positions on the presidential candidates are in place because of things that personally effect me, such as health care costs, educational issues priorities, and environmental issues (ie: i prefer a platform that has no qualms admitting that humans have an influence on global environs.) but i can't effectively convey these concerns to my *friends*, outside of a medium that lets me post links and site sources. so it sounds like i'm just toeing the party line like a blind sheep. and i certainly can't get my RL friends to read thru all of my various lj posts on politics because they both have 2 year old children and accordingly, very little time. what time they do have, they budget very closely, whereas i let myself get bored and idle and avoid homework when i have nothing but time to do it in. i right now could be doing homwork that's due tomorrow night, but i'm rambling to lj.
outside looking in, i'm a very sad, pathetic individual. i claim to be informed, but i can't prove it. i claim to be concerned, but i can't prove it. i open my mouth and my brain apparently turns off. and yet this *is* how i learn. this is why i need contrasting opinions and fresh contributions to my own ideas. emily and janine are both dems, far as i know. they're both thinking, intelligent women even tho janine has a masters degree and emily has only her high school diploma. neither of them care much for watching the news or reading the paper, but they bring new things to the table that make me step back and look at more pieces to the puzzle that me and google can't find. and my only counter for it in a friendly back-and-forth on it is "i can't talk good. go read my lj for my opinions and where they come from!" and that... is just sad.
huh.
i guess i have one thing to say to self.
more animals
so i was super excited to be able to poke and prod emily and janine on politics. the only catch, of course, being that in my excitement, my brain blanked. the only thing i knew was mccain = evil. even after 2 margarittas and 2 pina coladas, janine and emily both were capable of more intelligent contributions than *that.* i was only a little more capable in the conversation we moved on to regarding religion, but that's because, hey, my class on the subject sunk in!! i just remember nothing of my bible study from when i was age 3 to 12. em and janine both attend church more regularly than i do, so they had the bible facts, i had the non-christian viepoint questions. and that was fun. but on politics? i fell on my face.
today, i did it again, basically. emily and i went on a walk in the park. only distraction was lil' miss mia, and i brought aussie. aussie and mia both were perfectly well behaved. so the discussion of the riots lead very naturally in to politics, (because i'm most unimpressed with how that was handled by the local PD in the vids i found on you tube. the explorers could have formed a better line in riot gear. MTV and youtube both apparently covered it btw.) and i found that in my contributions to the political discussion, i was again offering little more than "mccain = evil!" and the educated observations i make in LJ were no where to be found in my brain. it was mostly emotive, ie: no on prop 8 because prop 8 = legalized prejudice, and hey, "small business" means companies making less than 2.5 million a year so it's not like they're hurting for tax breaks like the rest of us.
and on the prop 8 thing, i pointed out, what's the big concern about the "sanctity" of marriage when half the kids in elementary school are from broken homes with mom and dad both working on their third spouse? note to self: not a very considerate thing to point out to someone who's on her second marriage. the kid may be the result of the second marriage, but the first marriage is still at the back of the mommy's brain. i tried to back up and explain my intent was not that divorce = bad, but rather that there is a recognition that some pairings work and some dont and there's no residual scandal about getting a divorce in modern society. and in my defense, i've never considered emily's first marriage a real marriage 'cause the guy was a scam artist and he was working her over from the get-go. from the outside looking in, i've always felt "peter and emily" is the real deal, like my mom and dad are the real deal.
but still, i just rambled and didn't contribute effectively to the conversation at that point. emily followed up by turning the conversation to one of the other propositions on the ballot this year, one i hadn't even heard of. i had focused on prop 8's language and on the language of a few props directly concerning law enforcement, and somehow completely missed an inititve that would create a subway-like system akin to that of the east coast, this one connecting LA and the northstate. i was just open mouthed and silently thinking "dude, that'd be cool..." and emily's saying "it's being proposed to lighten the traffic and help the environment... but the effects of it wouldn't be felt for years and in the meantime it's a lot of money we don't have. you really need to read the ballot book." and i half-heartedly defended that i had, just somehow missed prop # 1A... STUPID much?
monday night in math class, the teacher was late, so the rest of the class was all abuzz about the riot, because most of them were participants in it. the view of the kids there was that the riot was the coolest thing that had EVER happened in chico and the police were stupid for having broken it up at all. the common opinion was that the cops were stupid for having broken up the party at the frat house that started the riot. the cops were stupid for having brought in the fire trucks to put out the SEVEN couches burning at SEVEN intersections in downtown chico. the cops were arrogant and young punks out on a power trip. and listening to that, i was just amazed and dismayed and angered at the attitudes of these college students. they were rejoicing in anarchy and putting down any attempts at public safety. i pulled out my cell phone and played bejeweled and made myself ignore them. even after the prof got there i was playing the cell phone game because the class in general then put down everything the prof said, openly and without regard to the actual context of her words. she was the "them" and the class was the "us" still riding high from the riot, so they were not going to tolerate being taught anything. it took over a half hour for the prof to regain any semblance of control. and i was so frustrated i wanted to just walk out. i didn't stand up and leave tho, just like i never once stood up and told the class to shove it and leave if they don't like the prof. i didn't try to raise my voice as a back-up to the teacher. just sat there fuming.
yea for effective communication in action.
so accordingly, i'm feeling more than a little out of touch. my priorities are on law enforcement and social welfare, because of my experience as a volunteer in both. my positions on the presidential candidates are in place because of things that personally effect me, such as health care costs, educational issues priorities, and environmental issues (ie: i prefer a platform that has no qualms admitting that humans have an influence on global environs.) but i can't effectively convey these concerns to my *friends*, outside of a medium that lets me post links and site sources. so it sounds like i'm just toeing the party line like a blind sheep. and i certainly can't get my RL friends to read thru all of my various lj posts on politics because they both have 2 year old children and accordingly, very little time. what time they do have, they budget very closely, whereas i let myself get bored and idle and avoid homework when i have nothing but time to do it in. i right now could be doing homwork that's due tomorrow night, but i'm rambling to lj.
outside looking in, i'm a very sad, pathetic individual. i claim to be informed, but i can't prove it. i claim to be concerned, but i can't prove it. i open my mouth and my brain apparently turns off. and yet this *is* how i learn. this is why i need contrasting opinions and fresh contributions to my own ideas. emily and janine are both dems, far as i know. they're both thinking, intelligent women even tho janine has a masters degree and emily has only her high school diploma. neither of them care much for watching the news or reading the paper, but they bring new things to the table that make me step back and look at more pieces to the puzzle that me and google can't find. and my only counter for it in a friendly back-and-forth on it is "i can't talk good. go read my lj for my opinions and where they come from!" and that... is just sad.
huh.
i guess i have one thing to say to self.
more animals