An Alternate Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas, it was quiet in the house. Nothing was stirring, not even a mouse. Except in Australia, Madame Zabowsky, fortune teller extraordianire. She was staring intently at her crystal ball. Now Madame Zabowsky knew that the crystal ball did not work and had been fooling her customers for years. So she could not understand why the clouds in it were swirling and a strange glow emanated from the ball. She took an old book from her shelf that had belonged to her grandmother and blew the dust off it. The book was a glossary of meanings of the cloud formations in a crystal ball. Madame Zabowsky spent the next half hour squinting at the crystal ball then thumbing through the pages. She scribbled down what she had seen and stared quizically at the result. Despite the hour, she decided she would call a trusted friend for advice.
John Brakes was not having a good Christmas this year. He was the writer of the astrological readings for half the newspapers in the country and through his star charts he had believed really strongly that the world was going to end on the 21st December 2012. It had not and now John had depleted half his bank account in building a bomb shelter, storing bottled water and stocking canned food. But worse of all, he had lost belief in his astrology. So when Madame Zabowsky called him up regarding some strange prophecies he was not very cooperative. But she had been so demanding he finally relented and pulled out his charts once more. After some cross checking with the fortune teller a strange message started to reveal itself from his charts. John stared flabbergasted as he realised that a explosion was to occur in a mere three minutes and rushed for his telescope. He scoured the skies till he found the star he was looking for just as it went supernova. Thousands of kilometeres away NASA and observatories all over the world went nuts in jubilation as they turned their telescopes to watch the astronomical event. John sprung up from his seat his lack of faith now turned to zeal. He started making calls to the head of every New Age society he had in his phonebook. Most of them did not pick up but a few important key people did. And by stroke of luck, John found himself suddenly talking to the Dalai Lama. "Your Holiness," John said not quite knowing by what title address the Dalai Lama, "something's going on. I think the Buddha might be being reborn or something."
The message read by Madame Zabowsky, John Brakes and numerous other spiritualists around the world was simple; A new age had dawned and its ruler had arrived in the Sweeping Town. The implications were numerous, but Madame Zabowsky was the one who figured out where the Sweeping Town was. It was a town called Broome in northwestern Australia. Through some internet forums and phone calls, a small gaggle of fortune tellers, psychics, astrologers, reiki masters and even a wicca practitioner had agreed to book flight tickets and rush to Broome as fast as they could. Meanwhile, the news had been slowly travelling along the grapevine and through the Dalai Lama, it eventually reached the ears of the world leaders. The President of the United States received it first.
Pres. B: Good evening, honorable Dalai Lama what can I do for you?
DL : Good evening, President B. Apologies for time of day
Pres B: Not a problem. What troubles you?
DL: Star is born tonight. And with star comes baby. All world tomorrow no as today. All countries finish. All money gone. Is very good news.
The president thought it was the worse news he had ever heard.
Christmas day came and on the highways of northwestern Australia, delivery trucks were the only vehicles on the road. They were having a bit of fun actually, forming long lines on the highways and radioing silly things to each other. Some of them were competing on those late night radio games held to help keep them entertained. Along one of the roads, Andrew Buckley's truck was suddenly drowned in a brilliant white light. He screeched his breaks hard and had not the line of trucks behind him also seen the bright light there would have been a rather severe accident. As it was, only the truck five trucks behind Andrew's got kissed by the one tailing him. Andrew opened his truck door and got out staring upwards. There, just ten meters above his trucky was a genuine flying saucer.
All the other truck drivers were getting out of their trucks now. They all came close and stayed just outside the circle of the light. In front of Andrew some bright spheres of blue started to flash into being and cluster together. A small blue flash happened and before Andrew was a little grey man with a large head and deep black eyes. There was a gasp from everyone around. Andrew was so shocked he fell backwards and started scrambling for the edge of the circle. The little man lifted up its hand splayed, with the forefinger and middle finger pointing one way, the ring finger and the little finger pointing the other.
"Greetings earthlings," it said with a smile.
Andrew picked himself up slowly and cautiously. "Wh-why are you here?"
"We come in peace," the alien said, "We have been observing the Earth for many centuries now and watched as your species has headed for certain destruction. There have been times the Galactic Confedaration have considered whether the prime carriers of consciousness on your planet should be destroyed for the preservation of other life forms. However, one today has been born of your species that carries with it a connection to the Superconsciousness that will bring salvation to the earth. We have come to celebrate his appearance."
And with that announcement a thrumming sound filled the air and a green crackle of lightning crossed the sky. But isntead of disappearing, the lightning flash remained and widened instead to open a portal in the sky. Hundreds of flying saucers came through the warp hole. They resounded with a strange music that shook the very ground.
"You should go see him," the grey man said to the stunned crowd. "He is born in the town of Broome. The bright star will lead you there." The truckers did not know what else to do so they jumped into their trucks and drove as fast as they could for Broome. As they made their way to Broome their line of trucks were joined by small cars with oddly dressed people in them. Most of the people in the cars had little charms dangling from their rear view mirrors. They were the spiritualists looking for the baby. The town of Broome was a dusty little town. Here there was little hint of Christmas around its fringes where they found themselves. In dark corners of the small streets there were signs of a people that suffered from social ills far too often. The motley line of visitors slowed down under the somewhat unfriendly and suspicious stares of the locals.
Finally the truckers and spiritualists found themselves right beneath the supernova. And instead of finding themselves in front of a hospital like they expected, they stopped in front of a car garage. An Aboriginal man came out to meet them looking perplexed. He had not expected any visitors. Madame Zabowsky, John Brakes, Andrew Buckley and about thirty other people crowded around the man asking him if he knew the birth of any child nearby. The man introduced himself as Jo and said that his wife, Mary, had just given birth to their firstborn inside. They had been trying to get home for Christmas but unfortunately she had delivered early and the only place they could get in was the garage. Fortunately the garage owner's wife had been a midwife and helped with the birth. Excitedly, the truckers and spiritualists were led inside and they crowded around a very shy Mary to look in amazement at the gurgling little baby amidst the oil stained rags, tyres, and clutter of car repair tools.
"What's his name?" Madame Zabowsky asked.
"My ma wanted me to name him Immanuel. But that was too old fashioned for me. But I was watching some soccer the other day and I like one of those South American players. I think I'm going to name him Jesus," Jo answered pronouncing the "J" in Jesus as an "H".
"Baby Jesus eh?" John Brakes went, "Saviour of the world." And they were silent for a time. One by one the spiritualists who had prepared for the occasion gave them gifts. Of note there was the dedication of monies from a particular sect if the family ever needed support, a rosary only the priests of a certain religion could wear and a curious bag of flowers the woman who gave them explained was to be placed in coffins at funerals. While not quite the baby shower presents that were traditional, Jo and Mary accepted all the gifts graciously.
In the Whitehouse another conversation in hushed tones was being held between the president and the ex president.
Pres B: George, I have a problem here.
George: What's up B?
Pres B: Well George, you remember those psychics we kept at the Pentagon?
George: Sure do. What they been saying B?
Pres B: They have been confirming some news I've been hearing running about. They're saying America is going to come to an end George.
George: B, my family and I have been dealing with threats to America for decades now. You just pass over the details to me and I'll get right on top of it
Pres B: You have my confidence in this George.
George: No problems big fella. By the way, you know we really should legalise guns for six year olds don't you?
Pres B: This is not the time, George.
Two days after Christmas stealth jets launched from a covert military base from the United States of America. In five hours they had crossed the Pacific and flown across Australia to arrive at Broome in the dead of the night. On command they fired and took out Broome's only hospital as well as several homes that had newborn children in it. The explosions started a bushfire in the dry brushland of Australia and the town had to be evacuated. The official report was that there had been a gas leak.
But Jo and Mary had left town already. Unknown to all a little grey man had came and warned Jo in the middle of the night before. They escaped to New Zealand for twelve years, changed Jesus' birth certificate location to Darwin. It was three changes of American presidency before they dared to return to Australia.
By then, everyone had forgotten about the incident. The church had never even heard of it. The Pope did not know. The Archbishop of Cantebury did not know. None of the other protestant churches had known. So it would come as a shock that thirty years from that day, Jesus the Australian Aboriginal would start to say and do things that would shake the globe to its core. He would tell the church they got it wrong. He would hang out with prostitutes, Atheists, drug addicts, cancer patients, militants, bikies, refugees and Muslims. He would be in all the wrong places to grow popular. He would not even have a Facebook profile nor a LinkedIn. But he would speak of a world where there was no war, no cancer, no suicide bombers, no people bashing up homosexuals, no people throwing rocks at each other, no nuclear weapons, no gun ramapges in schools, and no oppression of the poor. He would speak of how this world could be a better place. A world of peace, freedom, forgiveness, joy, excellence, acceptance and life worth living. He would warn that not everyone wanted to be part of that world. He made it look possible. But most chilling of all, he spoke of a world where even death was not present. That the final parting of loved ones was only momentary. He would die for saying such things.
If Jesus did come today, would we the Church recognise Him? Are we a part of the world, the nation, the kingdom, the politcal province, he is to be president of? The church did not recognise him two thousand years ago and is at great risk of missing him and his kingdom once more. Are we just sitting in churches waiting for the world to explode? Or are we bravely proclaiming that coming day when the words of Jesus come true. The day this world is a good place. For that is the message that came on Christmas day, in the form of a baby, pronounced by otherworldly creatures. Merry Christmas everyone.